1. Everyone Is Hot, But You Have To Compete For Attention.
The first thing you discover when you move to New York is that people are waaaay hotter than wherever you’re really from. Everywhere you turn there’s some hot guy or hot girl and you are just generally getting whiplash from turning your head so much. People in New York dress better, they take care of their skin, they walk more. But will this particular hot person talk to you? That’s the tricky part, because chances are if you are interested in this person then you are just one of 50 people interested in this person. So, take a number! New York is a city that’s all about markets and demand. The market is so saturated that dating in New York can feel like fighting for the last size ‘small’ at a secret Alexander Wang sample sale.
2. New Yorkers Like Trading Up
And because everyone is so hot in this god forsaken city it leads to the most exhausting aspect of dating in New York: trading up. Trading up is when you settle for something for now just because it’s there — basically long enough for something better to come along. You might be fine with what you have in your old hometown, probably because another opportunity didn’t show itself. But New York is full of opportunities. Everyone is in New York. Everything is in New York. People trade up for better jobs, better apartments, shorter commutes and better people. With a city so full of hot people from all over the world, the likelihood of someone trading up on you is pretty substantial/depressing.
3. They Probably Have Like 12 Roommates, Which Means Everyone Can Hear You Have Sex
Everybody has sex (or most people do, anyway) and we shouldn’t be embarrassed by that. But depending on the living sitch you might have to go over to his place or have him come over to your place when you know the roommates won’t be home. Otherwise it’s muffled orgasms unless you want to be made fun off all the time by your roommates because of your sex life. Also, s/he might have one of those awesome but weird New York apartments with the shower in the kitchen, which makes tidying up afterwards kind of awkward??
4. The Chances Of Them Being A Major Weirdo Are High
Everybody has some kind of ratchetness in their mind-closet. I don’t think there’s a single human being out there who doesn’t have issues. New York is an expensive city to live in, which means people work 80 hours a week and drink and do other stuff to relax, but it also means that they have developed some kind of weird neuroses that you will either have to learn to deal with or run away from. Just remember to be fair, though, because you have your own shit, too. Nobody’s perfect.
5. If They Don’t Live In Your Neighborhood It’s Basically A Long-Distance Relationship
New York is a city of micro-communities and micro-economies. Your entire social life revolves around where you live in the city. Live in Greenpoint and meet somebody awesome who lives in Greenpoint, too? Awesome! Have a jump off or S.O. who lives at the Church Avenue stop on the F train but you live in Astoria? Yeah, you can kiss that relationship goodbye. You’ll never see them — ESPECIALLY not on the weekend when the dreaded + nonsensical weekend schedule rears its ugly head. When my favorite cousin lived in New York she lived all the way in Harlem — well, Washington Heights, really. I lived in Brooklyn. So far. Let me put it in perspective. I went to college in Connecticut. The travel time from my place in Brooklyn to Connecticut is 1.5 hours. The travel time between my place and my cousin’s place IN NEW YORK CITY was also 1.5 hours. I basically never saw her unless we met someplace mutually convenient. So New York.