1. The abbreviation “A2” means something to you.
2. You know that the school colors are Maize and Blue — NOT “yellow,” assholes!
3. You have never seen so much school spirit in your life, meaning you do all the requisite tailgating and drinking but have never went to any games.
4. If you have a major in the College of Literature, Science, and the Arts, or LSA, you know that some people jokingly call it “LS&Play.”
5. On game day — any game, really — you leave your dorm and suddenly discover that there are huge packs of people heading down State Street wearing Maize Michigan t-shirts. Like hundreds of people. Where did they all come from?
6. You were in Honors and the name Donna Wessel Walker (donnawesselwalker, one word) means something to you.
7. You used your MCard to get to Briarwood.
8. Even though the University of Michigan is a public (no, not private) school plum in the middle of the country, you know that EVERYONE is from New York/New Jersey.
9. You have had or at the very least heard about people having sex in the grad stacks.
10. Everyone you know who went to Michigan with you currently lives in New York City, and at least one person in your friend group is kinda famous-y/rich.
11. You spent many torrid hours eating Wendy’s and laboring over papers in the Fishbowl. And to get there you had to barge your way through some kind of dance squad that was rehearsing their routine in Haven Hall.
12. You were in Gimble!
13. You maybe cruised for some cock at the CCRB?
14. There was a famous undergraduate class called “How To Be Gay: Male Homosexuality and Initiation,” and even though all the right-wing conservatives attacked the University for it, the administration totally defended the course.
15. People drink a lot, and out of anything that holds liquid: red cups, blue cups, tubes, hats, breasts, etc.
16. You don’t really know anything about the state of Michigan, except how to use your right hand to indicate where Ann Arbor is located (in the crevice between your thumb and your pointer finger!)
17. Before North Quad there was the Frieze Building.
18. You know that all the weird, awesome, alternative creatures are smoking weed and talking about Plato over in the RC.
19. At some point, you dated/hooked up with a graduate student.
20. You know what the Ugli is, and it’s not as bad as it sounds.
21. You have walked through The Diag and rolled your eyes at packs of girls wearing the same Northface jacket, Michigan (or higher end) sweats, Ugg boots and big sunglasses.
22. Every year, on April 20th (4/20), people with dreadlocks and hacky sacks come from all over the land to smoke pot on the Diag like it’s still the 60’s or something.
23. Also there were always people playing hacky sack on the Diag.
24. You know that North Campus is basically as far away as Egypt, especially when you have to wait in the cold on a damn shuttle from Central Campus. Living or having classes on North is the absolute, literal worst — save for the secret Panda Express in the Commons!!!
25. The only time you go to Kerrytown is when your folks come visit. Then they treat you to a fabulous $30 sandwich at Zingerman’s.
26. A part of you will always mourn the loss of Shaman Drum.
27. Your Saturday nights were spent at Necto or the Blind Pig, after which at like 3 a.m. you and your posse rolled over to NY Pizza Depot (which was PACKED/where the party continued) for a slice.
28. When Espresso Royale was too crowded you went over to Cafe Ambrosia and if that was too packed then you went to the Starbucks on State Street. And if that didn’t work you walked all the way to Rendez Vous.
29. You have, at least once, ventured into the all-important environment of the Law Library to study for an exam.
30. When you moved off campus you discovered that real estate in Ann Arbor is so expensive (like NYC expensive) so you just got a room in a house on McKinley or on Packard.
31. You know that everyone is DEAD SERIOUS about the Michigan-OSU rivalry.
32. The DIY waffles in your dorm at Sunday morning brunch were the literal bomb.
33. No matter where you are in the world, every time you see someone wearing Michigan gear you wave, smile and your knee-jerk reaction is always “Go Blue!”