30 People Who Are Like, “Yeeeahh, I Can’t Have Sex With You Anymore”



I was screwing my manager when I worked at Wendy’s while in college. She was 25 I was 18. One night after drinking at a house party, I called her for a booty call/ride home. She informed me that she couldn’t pick me up because she was at the airport picking up her husband. I was astonished because we had been screwing for 6-7 months and I never heard/saw anything about a husband. I asked, “where has your husband been all this time?!” She replied, “Iraq.”



When she told me she was immune to HIV/AIDS and had slept with “lots” of guys with AIDS to prove it. Nope, nope, nope.



When she told me to go ahead and go bareback and cum inside her… She claimed to be already pregnant from her ex that she broke up with 2 days before.



One girl I never slept with kept telling me she had an IUD and that it was safe. I didn’t trust her, and sure enough 2 months later she posts on fb that she’s pregnant and getting married to the poor guy that knocked her up. I can count 3 times that I was legitimately lied to and later found out they were pregnant by someone else. It’s always the slightly unhinged ones from my experience. One such girl that said she could “never get pregnant” due to medical reasons has 3 kids and is pregnant again and divorced. She’s 25.For anyone wondering where I met these girls, this was college. Two years in a dorm exposes you to people of all psychological colors of the rainbow.



Mid way through the horizontal monster mash a lady I was dating punched me full on in the mouth, splitting my lip. I pushed her off gently but firmly, got up, put on my dressing gown, made a cup of tea while holding a tissue to my lip and then proceeded to sit on the sofa and drink said tea. Didn’t say a word until she left. She called the next day. I didn’t pick up.



When he started masturbating with cucumbers in his butt and leaving them on the back of the toilet……



After he read me his erotic fan fiction about wizards. And don’t get me wrong… I’m all about some wizards. But his writing was just really really bad.



She said “I can’t sleep with you anymore unless you join my church…”



The first time I had sex with a guy I was dating for a while. One night, after about 3 minutes of “foreplay” – kissing fully clothed. We rip off our clothes, he puts on a condom, gets on top of me, and came before he even got near my vagina. He proceeds to scold me because I made him “too excited” and there was “way too much foreplay for a man” and I was “being stupid for thinking a man can take that much action” (not even kidding, 3 minutes of fully clothed kissing) An hour passes, I am still hot and bothered, and I figure let’s try again? He tells me he physically can’t for at least 4-5 hours. I assume he’s just not that into it, and leave.
He called me for months after this, sent love letters, the whole bit. I felt bad, premature ejaculation issues I can deal with. But scolding me for it? Could have at least gotten me off.



When, during the act of performing fellatio, she asked if I had heard the story of the woman who had bitten her husband’s penis off. As in she took my dick out of her mouth to say this, and immediately put it back in…



After he asked me to pee in a wine cup for him to “sip on”.



Right when I got punched by her boyfriend while getting a blow job…



Not me but my buddy. He was sitting with her talking about their sexual histories. He asked her if she’s ever been with a woman. Yes. A threesome? Yes. Two guys or two girls. Yes. Anal beads? Bondage? Older man? Public place? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Wondering how to stump her he asked “Ever done anything with an animal?” She replied that when she and her boyfriend were going at it her dog started to eat her out. She didn’t make it stop.



When I found out I was the first of 4 dicks sucked at that Christmas Party. At least I was the first.



This was about a week ago (I’m 20 and in college, for reference); I’d messed around with a girl a couple of times, just having fun – not a big deal.The day after we had sex for the second time, I overheard a conversation between her and my roommate in which she said that she would have us moving in together in less than a month’s time.

Browse more Thought Catalog after dark articles here.



I was hooking up with a friend of a friend for a month or so. She went to college about an hour away, we would meet on the weekends. She called me around midnight on a Saturday asking if she could drive over for a booty call. I said yes, but changed my mind after a couple minutes on the phone with her. She sounded hammered, so I told her not to drive. She refused, telling me she could not wait to see me. I grew stern, telling her I would be upset if she came over. She started laughing and said it would be about an hour until she arrived. I feared her presence on the road for her safety and others around, which led me to this: “You dumb bitch, you’re fat and I only hooked with you to rebound from my ex”. There was a long pause, then sloppy laughter. She told me I was just trying to keep her from driving and hung up. I called her back a few minutes later, she did not pick up. She did not show up that night. I grew concerned and called hospitals the next day to no avail. As I was dialing the Highway Patrol I received a call from her. She informed me that she flipped her car on the median going 90MPH, sat on the wreckage until the police arrived and then peed on the arresting officer. She would have called earlier but she was not released from jail until 3 in the afternoon. I told her that I was happy she was okay and that I would not be seeing her anymore.



When I finally noticed the swastica tattoo on her back.



I dated a woman who was twice my age for several months. I called her “mom” in bed once. She got off on it and wanted me to keep doing it, but I was too embarrassed. I’m not proud of that entire six months of my life.



When I found out we were related.



When I found out that she masturbates to horses mating on YouTube, and that was how she had her first orgasm.



There was this guy who was cute and sweet and really wanted to date me, but when I went back with him to his place, his apartment was the most disgusting place I have ever set foot in. There was FOOD on his BEDROOM FLOOR. Not even on a plate. Just a slice of pizza hanging out. His bed was just a mattress on the floor and to this day I don’t remember if he even had sheets on it. I was already super drunk and there was no way I could make it home at that point, so I did sleep with him and then left the next morning and never spoke to him again. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that his apartment was a deal breaker… I was young. I should have told him. It might have made him start cleaning. … he had the biggest cock I’ve ever personally seen and he really knew what he was doing, but I just couldn’t spend any more time in that filth.



When I saw that his penis was like 10 inches long and 3 inches thick. So it was over before it even began.



Met a guy, started dating, eventually slept together. Got up and turned the lights on to find my clothes, and he’s got a big ol’ swastika tattoo on his calf. I was pretty gobsmacked by it. I had never actually met a white supremacist before. He was really nonchalant about it like “yeah, that’s a giant swastika, so what?” I actually really liked the guy up to that point, so I hung out for a while and tried to talk to him about it. Hoping, I suppose, that he would tell me that it was a dumb mistake of his youth or something and that he wasn’t like that any more. Alas, no, he was a crazy racist. He tried calling several times over the next week or so, but I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to him after that.



I had been banging this girl for a few weeks, maybe a month and a half or something. Anyways, one night were fuckin’ and we finish and decide to go to sleep. The following morning, I woke up not being able to breath and sweating my fucking balls off because I was under an entire pile of blankets and pillows, no light visible. This bitch had literally went around my house and found every blanket and pillow to put on me. I still have no idea why she did this because when I asked she just responded with “I dunno”. After that I never talked to her again unless it was a hi or hello. She also strangled her hamster for “fun” one day. Nice tits though.



Had a girl who I considered to be a fuck buddy for about a semester and a half while in college. She wanted to be more, but I told her that I didn’t want a relationship. She seemed to take it ok at first, but I could tell as time went on she became more and more attached. I tried to end it once, but we ended up having sex that night (go figure). We were pretty much on the breaks for awhile, but the straw that broke the camel’s back came when I woke up one night to find her at the end of my bed, watching me sleep. My doors had been locked, so I had no clue how she got in.



Apparently right after “I do”. :'(



Well I guess it’s time to share this with my first real sexual partner. Long story short, giving me a blow job, she went deep right when I finished resulting in her puking everywhere. That was the last time we did anything for months.



I was having sex with a black chick and she slapped me in the face and called me “master”. It felt a little better cause I’ve seen some /r/gonewild chicks refer to some masters. But the whole race thing really threw me off cause I’m white and I don’t feel comfortable being called master by a black chick.



I’m a white guy. my black girlfriend just pulled that on me last night. I’m actually getting a huge kick out of it. Our day-to-day relations have nothing to do with our bedroom relations. The key is separating one from the other.



First time having sex with this girl, she fell asleep right after being all into it. I felt really, really embarrassed over the whole situation immediately and my self confidence plummeted. She woke up and asked me why I stopped. I was confused and explained to her she passed out. She said she didn’t care and wanted me to continue. She fell asleep again. Woke up and got really mad I stopped again. I left and went to Wendy’s and had a Frosty and reflected.

Now it’s your turn. Leave your sextastrophies in the comments! Thought Catalog Logo Mark

image – Shutterstock

Author of How To Be A Pop Star.

Keep up with Madison on Twitter

More From Thought Catalog