I do not like chocolate. I mean I’ll eat it sometimes because whatever, but it is definitely not my favorite thing. Valentine’s Day is probably the most chocolate covered moment ever, the month when absolutely everything gets slathered in chocolate. If you are in love with me and you hand me some chocolate on this coveted day it is obviously over between us.
Sometimes I think I’m the only person on the planet who doesn’t like chocolate. I am definitely a dessert person — I love sweet stuff — but I am much more into fruit-based delicacies. Apple pie, peach cobbler, stuff like that. Also SOUR PATCH KIDS.
Chocolate is just not something I crave or even think about, though there are some chocolate moments I do enjoy — Reese’s, Snickers and Butterfinger, but that’s basically it. And when you think about it, I only like those because chocolate isn’t the main event in any of them. Peanut butter is!
People who don’t like chocolate feel the burden of punishment for their choice all the time. Somebody at the office will go out and get a bunch of donuts for the group which, amazing, and suddenly there will be a bunch of chocolate eclairs that you want nothing to do with. Ugh. Or if you go out to eat a lot you will end up at least once at some restaurant that only has two to three desserts and inevitably two of the three will be chocolate-based because everybody likes chocolate. No sweetness for you tonight. The worst.
There’s this thing about the universal powers of chocolate that everyone believes in, like you simply can’t trust people who don’t worship at the foot of chocolate. In this religion, the simple act of eating the stuff will immediately bring you to transcendence. Part of the chocolate myth is the theory that chocolate makes you feel awesome because it is basically a drug. But it isn’t true! .
Maybe I’m just into lighter stuff. I prefer sorbet over ice cream and I hate all melons. But also, maybe I’m just a weirdo!