14 Signs You’re A Hot Ass Mess

There’s almost nothing I love more than insult comedy, or as the black gays call it: READING FOR FILTH. People love insults. That’s why everyone’s favorite episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race is hands down the “reading” episode and why back in “the day” MTV had that show Yo Momma!. When you “read” someone, or “roast” them as I think white people call it, there’s a thin line between being humorous and just being plain mean. But what’s the line? She Has Had It, an awesome new Tumblr by the NYC-based Jarvis Derrell, shows the artfulness of the humorous insult. He uploads hot mess-ass photos to his Tumblr and Instagram, straight “reading” betches for maximum comedic effect. The pictures don’t come alive or aren’t funny until you read the HIGH-LARIOUS descriptions he writes about them.

See for yourselves!

Consuela

Yassssss Sister Consuela serving us a sassy opening night lip, by that Magical Mystical Miss Maybeline or as I like to call it “MAYBEKWEEN”!!! Yassssssss, the kids weren’t ready!!!!! #daunerade #sale #buy1get8free #maybeshesbornwithit #maybethedevilisaliar #comolaflor #pacienciayfe #shehashadit #sheisserving #thrive #everybodyaintable #butpraisegodifyouare #liveitup #quemusic #exitstageleft (at She Has Had It)

Subway

Kween, this whole train HAS HAD ITTTT!!! #shehashadit #mta #exhausted #rubyfoos #living #done

New Jersey

Yassss this Jersey Kween is LIVING!!! She binge drank a lil bit, chain smoked a lil bit, cursed out her semi-cute boyfriend a lil bit, had a sensible girls night out with her closest Kweens…fist fought ALL OF THEM, nonchalantly!!! Taking the “Limo” home alone!!! #GRATEFUL #BLESSED #shehashadit #jerseygirl #realness #living #gina #gno #sensible #trannydreams

Popeyes

Yasssss Kween Yasssssss!!!! THRIVE!!! Nothing says “I love you gurl” like a 2 piece and a sent-from-heaven buttered biscuit!!!! Okaaaayyyy!!!! Oh, and can you make that 2GO please? Cause “Cookie & Ciara’s Kurvy Gurl Couture” is have a sale, and Kween I don’t want to be late!!!! #passmethehotsauce #shehashadit #canihaveapiece #no #ohok #rude #thriving #wingsofglory #sensiblecardiacarrest #obsessed #mealonwheels #serving #hairline #colorscheme #blessed #living

Ponytail

Yassssss Kween!!!! Serve Serve SERVEEEE!!!! I mean guuurrrll, I personally wouldn’t let QaMika anywhere near my weave, cause her house is dirty, and she don’t wash her hands! But Kween, this sensible 1995 weavebarn discount blonde poetic justice Dookie braid is EVERYTHING on you! SHE HOOKED YOU UP GUUURRRLLL! #thrive #everybodyaintable #especiallyme #shehashadit #obsessed #saintspray #summertimeandtheweavingiseasy #moeshaseason1 #eastharlemstories #proud

Orange

WHEWWW yassss God! This lavish Kween is serving me late 2006, smoke machine not included, vintage Lady NaNa…Oops I mean LaLa?, no CaCa? RaFa?umm…KiaRia… Honda?…………Buick?!!!! Ohh guurrrll,that’s right! Lady GAGA! Whew, I was almost speaking in tongues, for a second, and church you KNOW, the devil ain’t ready for my spiritual gifts! EYYYY GLORY!! EITHER WAY, he had a vision, and a budget, and praise The Lordt Kweens, he made it work!!! #serve #exhausted #shehashadit #amdaalum #thriving #committedandcommuting #parkingconerealness #yield #westgaybackroomfuckery #blessed #nervous #mrcellophane #reignkween #holyghosthoedown

Liza

Yasss Kween Mother, on that Liza with a Z tip!!! You are serving me some Oprah “Cabaret” Where are they now REALNESS with a side of smokey eye for all the folks at home!! HAPPY TONY’s y’all!!! #thrive #shehashadit #lizaminelli #insidethebottomsstudio #luigi #cabaret #meinweave #elsie #ripkween #lizasblack #beats #tonys2013 #yourewelcome

Champagne

Oooh Kween! Rough day??? Gurllll, you look like me on a thirsty third date, or me after a Book of Mormon call, or me at the Free Clinic on a Saturday morning, or me working the fitting rooms of a Harlem Victoria’s Secret! Yikes! Wheww! Have a sip for me Kween!!! #shehashadit #longday #illuminati #franziatogo #bottomswholunch #thriving #mamawhoboreme #blackpower #sorry #liiivvveee #smile #atleastyournotpregnant

Ursula

Yassssssssssssss!!!!! At Last! My KWEEN, has come along!!!! Serving you Hairspray act 2 Motormouth REALNESS, with a sensible Ursula eye, and just a hint of an omage to Etta!!!! I liiiiiiivvvveeeeeee!!!! #shehashadit #reignkweenreign #aquanet #bighair #bigsavior #living #mixing #shadypines #werqma

Weave

Ohhh Kween, I would like to talk to your lacefront advisor!!!! Because something has either gone horribly wrong, or unbelievably right! Not reading Kween, I just need to know your journey, Halleloo!!! #shehashadit #roots #revival #nonequitasia #nervous #brave #yacky #125thstreetrealness #hairstoreheaven #lacefront #drama

3 Blocks Off Broadway

Oh yasss gurllll, my baby daddy got me student rush tickets (aka a metro card) to see this LAVISH 3 blocks off-Bway production of Once on this Island: the one tran show!!! Kween….MOVED TO TEARS!!! #gas #shehashadit #tellyostorykween #ohtimune #papagay #bottomwillprovide #lycraandadreamhoney #twinkyboots #sensiblesanshacharactershoe #goodluck #saleatstrawberry #dancemomsbronx #matinee #mixing

Oh Snap

Ohh Snap Kween!!! No, LITERALLY Kween, Snap that mess, back on gurrll! Now don’t get me wrong church, I’m all about fresh air, ventilation and a sensible Vagisil Holy Ghost breeze for my Shug Avery,but COME ON Kween, we’re at McDonalds!!! #aintnobodygottimeforthat #wellmaybe5minutes #shehashadit #snapon #filetofish #choices #brave #walmartdancewear #sale #thriving #givingup #everybodyaintable #easyaccess #whatwouldtinaknowlesdo #quickchangeready #live

Brooklyn

…and this Kween, was the very moment I promised Jesus, I would never commute to Brooklyn for a bootycall at 4am EVER EVER EVER AGAIN!!!!! GUUUURRRLLLL! #singlesubethnicbottomproblems #shehashadit #furby #kinky #whitekweenproblems #whosthetop #bearlove #truelife #brooklyn #shitjustgotreal #butcaniwatch

J Date

This poor poor Kween just got stood up on her J-Date! Story of my life too gurrlll, but its ok KWEEN, sip yo Chateau Diana, serve this bar some GAP comfy sweater realness and get out there and live yo life!!! Because our Dom.Masc.Discreet.Tops are out there somewhere Kween (preferably Midtown West) and we’re gonna find them!!! AMEN!!! I mean, Shalom, no I mean A-MANNNNAH!!! #shehashadit #jdate #living #realness #gap #finalsale #cordknitlove #chateaudiana #cheapwine #goodtimes #single #awalktoremember #xoxogossipbottom #amess

So now I’m afraid to accidentally fall asleep on the subway and discover that one of my weave tracks is dangling by a thread and I will end up on She Has Had It! And Jarvis, Miss Honey, I hope you find the Hot White Dom.Masc.Discreet.Top of your dreams. And when you do, let me know where they at! TC mark

image – Shutterstock

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  • http://missvpage.wordpress.com jenglenn80

    Reblogged this on My Life Uncensored and commented:
    HILARIOUS!!!!!

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