15 Signs You Are Actually Blanche Devereaux

1. You have been handcuffed for 32 hours — and NOT in a prison cell mind you.


It is your personal best.

2. You KNOW You Look Good.


How dare anyone tell you any differently?

3. You have ever made yourself so hot and bothered that u had to cool yourself off with couple spritzes of water!


You’re just that hot and confident.

4. No matter how depressed you get, you know that cheesecake will be there to save u.


So yummy.

5. Surprises have a tendency to make you jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo!


That’s pretty jumpy, isn’t it?

6. You have absolutely perfected the art of lying about your age!


So many things to do in life before you turn “40”!

7. You really like to take a deep breath before you greet a man because it thrusts your breasts forward!


Don’t forget all that stuff we learned about having amazing posture.

8. You are definitely NOT afraid to buy condoms out in society.


Condoms, Rose. Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!

9. You secretly know that the best way to spend a Saturday night is to watch an adult movie, French kiss and drink mimosas with your besties!!


Like, what else is there to do?

10. Lesbians are so cool.


And then there was that one time you got mad that your lesbian friend prefered your slightly less attractive friend over you!

11. You know that there’s nothing better than a fabulous outfit reveal accompanied by a song and dance!


What a way to drive all the mens wild.

12. Sometimes people just make you so angry, you know?


I hate you, I hate you, I hate you DROP DEAD.

13. And sometimes you get so mad at people that you can just SCREAM.



14. You don’t take your breasts out in public.


…A Lot.

15. When in trouble, you try to quote from the Bible


It’s the only thing that’s been in more hotels rooms than you have and you can’t even quote it. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

More From Thought Catalog