1. “I’m On My Way!”
No u not! This lie is so common that there’s even that iPhone shortcut where you just type “omw” and it fills in the rest for you. Uh, translation: I know we were supposed to meet at 7:30 on the other side of town and it’s 7:20 and I haven’t even had my shower yet omg don’t hate me!!! As someone who is always late to everything all the time always, I sympathize with my fellow “I’m on my way!” lying people. You really were on your way 30 minutes ago, but then you got distracted by some video on YouTube and you completely lost track of time. If you’re on the receiving end of this harmless lie, a word of advice: when someone says “I’m on my way” or “Be there in 5 minutes,” add 20 and you should be good.
2. “I’m Fine.”
I don’t know why we humans are so afraid of sharing our feelings when we are mad or upset about something. How many times has somebody asked you, “What’s wrong?” and you just were like, “Nothing. I’m fine.” Well you sure don’t seem fine! We lie about being “fine” because we don’t want to talk about how we really feel because we are sparing the other person’s feelings. Translation: I AM SO ANNOYED RIGHT NOW BUT YOU WOULDN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND SO LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT IT. I’m not sure there’s a way out of the “I’m fine” lie, so maybe the best thing to do when you are faced against it is to just let it go. Don’t press.
3. “I’ve Only Had Sex With, Like, 4 People MAX”
Yes. There are some people out there, guys and girls, who haven’t had that many sexual partners and who are being honest when they tell you their sex number hasn’t cracked into the double digits. But for the rest of us sinners out there, we lie about how many people we’ve had sex with because we are afraid of seeming like sluts. Slut shaming is bad. Maybe you think nothing of your sex number, oh but society does. Society will tell you that you are a non-procreative waste and that you need the Lord. That’s why people lie about the number of people they have had sex with. I know people who have had sex with hundreds of people and I know people who have had sex with less than 10. But when you go have sex with someone new and they tell you how many people they’ve been with, you never really know if they’re being honest, do you? But ask yourself: does it matter?
4. “I Don’t Usually Do This/I’ve Never Done This Before
RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG!! Anybody who says this basically does whatever they are doing all the time. They are like experts at it.
5. “I Love It”
Chalk this one up to common decency, like it’s nice to tell people that you like something they got you. Translation: what am I supposed to do with this? You know the scene: your nana gets you something for your birthday that you would never be caught dead in but you tell her you love it because you don’t want to hurt her feelings. The truth is, you’ll never wear it but you’ll always think about her when you see it way in the back of your closet. Isn’t that what counts?
6. Guys: Penis Size
Never listen to a man who tells you how big his penis is. ALWAYS DEMAND PROOF.