It All Starts By Realizing How Much You Hate Your Hometown
Anything to get you away from those idiots you went to high school with.
You’ve Always Wanted To Live In New York
A life-long dream!
You’re PUMPED The Day You Finally Decide To Make The Move
Tell your boss at the Hallmark Store to suck it. You’re moving to the big city!
You Are READY To Take NYC By Storm
Concrete jungle where dreams are made of. It’s a whole new world!
Everyone Is Way More Attractive In New York
Even the ugly people.
You’re Excited To Be Here, But Soon You Realize New York Has…Other Plans For You
Hmm. For some reason things aren’t going quite the way you expected.
Finding A Job Seems Impossible And You’re Getting More Broke By The Second
You’ve applied to every job under the sun, and you’re not even spending any money. But you’re still constantly broke.
You Need To Find An Apartment
People in New York use brokers — cheesy people in a cheap suits and cheap cologne who always carry three cellphones because they are NEEDED.
The Broker Takes You To Your First Apartment
Oh, um, this isn’t the place I emailed you about…
He Shows You Your Sixth Apartment
Wait, it’s actually legal to live like this?
Finally You Find Some Tiny-Ass Place
It’s just…you can’t sleep with anybody taller than like 5’7 because otherwise their head will hit the ceiling. But, at least your name is on the mailbox and you’re in New York!
Remember That Savings You Had?
1st months rent! 2nd months rent! Security deposit! Last months rent! Broker’s fee! Background check! Credit report! Blood sample!
Kiss Your Savings Good-Bye
You’re in the city now!
You Start Going Out On Weeknights
Because you’re a freelance babysitter now, and there aren’t any babies down for tomorrow.
You’ll Meet A Really Rich Person And Go Back To Their Place
Wow, they’re so rich. You had a bowl of cereal for dinner today.
You Go To Your Favorite Coffee Shop And You’ll Run Into Your Favorite Celebrity
Maybe if you stare at them from this angle they won’t see you…
It’s Great To Live In A Place With A 24 Hour Subway!
Except for the Weekend Schedule!
After 6 Months You Master The Art Of Pre-Walking
You know exactly which train car to get in that will deposit you at the correct exit.
You Become One Of Those People Who Runs To The Train
Heaven forbid you have to wait 5 minutes for the next one. Unless it’s the Weekend Schedule and the next train is in 45 minutes — in which case, RUN FOOLS.
You Make It In J-U-S-T Before The Doors Close
Everyone Is Staring
Oh please. Like they’ve never bolted to the subway for dear life before.
Your Dating Life Sucks
Everyone you go out with is a hot mess. WHAT IS HAPPENING?
You Meet Someone Kind Of OK
But then they fuck it up.
Sometimes You Wonder If Moving To New York Was The Right Choice
Your job sucks, your apartment sucks, your roommate’s a meth addict, you never have any money even though you work all the time, it’s hard to meet people, everything is expensive. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF? Wouldn’t life be better back in Boise, Idaho? On the other hand, there are bodegas on every corner, lots of beautiful people, art, culture, and basically everything is at your finger tips. Should you stay or should you go? Choices, choices!
Ultimately You Decide To Stay
Because if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.