Sometimes when I’m this close to maybe becoming a vegetarian I snap out of it: because, like, BACON. What would society be like without bacon? Bacon is amazing. I once went for brunch at a restaurant that had seven different kinds of bacon. SEVEN. Sure it’s gross if you look at the bacon tray or the pan you used to fry it in, and if you eat too much of it your heart might explode one day. Butttt at least you would have enjoyed a life full of bacon tho!
Butter, bread, and syrup. Delicious! Waffles, like bacon, are marvelous. But can you please not mix the two, restaurants? Once I went to this place and ordered a waffle and the menu said that it was a waffle with bacon. GREAT! I didn’t know that the fucking bacon would be in the waffle. I know that probably sounds delicious to some people, but I’d like to enjoy my fatty waffles and bacon as separate entities, thank you very much.
So I think you’re getting the hint that breakfast things are amazing! I discovered this brunch place that specializes in $10 BOTTOMLESS MIMOSAS, which means that as soon as you take one sip out of your glass the waiter is back to fill you all the way back up. It’s a dangerous proposition on a Sunday afternoon, folks.
I love dessert foods, and pies are amazing. Especially fruit pies. Pies are like the perfect comfort food: you eat it warm, and each heated, gooey bite reminds you that in the end every thing will be ok. Who needs boys or plans on Saturday night when there is PIE.
5. French Fries WITH Chardonnay
One of my favorite things to do is sit at a bar with an order of french fries and a glass of chardonnay, gossiping and talking about life. There’s something so wrong about this peculiar combination of things, but that’s why it tastes so good together.
6. Garlic Bread
Garlic bread is a gift from the Lord. I mean who doesn’t love the thought of huge pieces of bread slathered in butter and then toasted? HELLO! But the real purpose of garlic bread, as we all know, is to get to the sauce.
Of course pizza is good. All it is is a piece of garlic bread with cheese and sauce on it. The best pizza you can eat is flat bread with BACON and red onion topping. I would eat this every day if I could.
8. Fried Chicken
Fried anything is amazing, but fried chicken is the best and Popeye’s is like Yes God. Crispy, savory, and every bite explodes with flavor. I know whenever my mom made fried chicken for dinner, we all got excited.
9. Grilled Cheese
When I was younger I spent a lot of time trying to perfect the grilled cheese. Do you spread the butter ON the bread itself OR do you put the butter in the pan and fry it that way??? The thing about comfort food is that it’s usually pretty easy stuff: bread, cheese, and butter. And then: BAM. Deliciousness.
The dangerous thing about potato chips is that they have no limit. As much as I love bacon, waffles, and mimosas, there’s a limit. Chips have no limit though. You just keep eating and eating and eating and then, wait, the bag is empty. Where’d they all go? Oh I know. YOUR WAISTLINE.
11. A Block Of Cheese…Just Like…On Its Own
That shit is filling tho.
I know Chick-Fil-A is the devil’s nectar, but it is SO GOOD. Is there anybody out there who doesn’t think Chick-Fil-A is a religious culinary experience? So what if they don’t like gay people. Girl order you a #8 Combo and eat that bitch at the gay club.