Dating You Was A Nightmare
Dating you was a nightmare. Not because you’re an awful person or because you did anything malicious. But when I fell in love with you it was clear that you didn’t give a shit about my feelings. Only your feelings. I was so stressed and wasted so much brain energy trying to read between the text messages — wait, does this gesture mean this? Does the fact that you paid me so much attention today mean something? Anything? You were a pain in the ass because I finally realized that all those times you cancelled plans we had, like the time I asked you to stay the night because my roomates were out of town, you told me your were sick.
But you weren’t sick, were you? At least not so sick that you couldn’t do what I saw photos of you doing on Facebook.
I don’t want anything to do with you anymore. Not even as a friend. I still think you’re an amazing person, and I learned a lot from you. But if I ever got in trouble or needed some serious help, I don’t think I could count on you to be there because you’d probably cancel on me. And if I can’t count on you let alone trust you, how can we even be friends?
When you like someone a lot you always see what you want to see. You never notice what’s really there, what they’re really telling you. Your friends, though, they see it and they try to warn you. But you don’t listen. Maybe you even see the mistakes but you bypass them because you think things’ll be different with you.
But it’s never different, is it?
You have to listen to your gut, to your first instinct. Instincts exist for a reason. Ever since I’ve known you my instincts, and even my BFFs, told me to STAY AWAY. I knew that you were flaky, indecisive, non-committal, things that don’t really make for a great relationship of any kind. But I overlooked all that stuff because I thought you were so awesome.
We deserve friends and lovers who love us back, not who love us or pay us attention when it’s convenient for them.
The flirting, the pics, the copious “I’m thinking of you” text messages. I really thought we had something going, but I should have seen the signs. You’re beautiful and amazing and intelligent and talented. Maybe it’s a lot to assume that just because you’re deep in the throes of a flirationship with someone that that automatically means you two are going to become something. There are no rules in relationships, but it’s nice to show a little decency towards people. People have feelings, you know? Treat others the way you want to be treated. Karma’s a bitch.
Even though you were a nightmare in my life, you’ve taught me about what I need out of my relationships from now on. You’ve taught me to avoid beautiful mirages like you. Sometimes if it looks too good to be true, it really is.