1) Publicly you don’t like pop music. At home, though, you probs put on your secret Katy Perry wig and shout-sing BABY YOU’RE A FIREWORRRRKK!! like your life depended on it. I see you, queen. You can’t like pop because you always complain about how simple sounding pop is. This is probably the key trait of the music snob. But!!! Research does show that in fact pop music has actually gotten simpler and simpler over the past 20 years. Take it with a grain of salt.
2) You constantly complain about what’s on the radio. Or, better yet, you’re proud to tell people you don’t listen to the radio AT ALL. Why not? I mean obviously because by the time a band you like is known by enough people to be on the radio, they’re o-v-e-r.
3) You are constantly harassing friends and new people you meet that they should be listening to X band. Ah, the music snob — always ready to bust out that 250GB iPod and subject unknowing strangers to the powers of a perfect musical collection.
4) You only listen to bands/people before they “made it.”
5) You prefer seeing live “shows” rather than going to multi-million dollar concerts by big artists. I mean, you wouldn’t even be listening to those kinds of artists anyway, so what’s the point of going to their concert??? Now a music festival, that’s a whole different story.
6) You listen to music that is so obscure-sounding (maybe on purpose?) that untrained earthlings do not have the ability to process it with your guidance. I love John Cage, but 4’33” is definitely a music snob piece.
7) When you were at Vassar/Bard/Reed/etc you double majored in Music, and that PLUS your perfect pitch means people should instantly listen to you because you know exactly what you’re talking about.
8) You make fun of people who have the Beats by Dr. Dre. But really though, the thing is that for the price they are the best headphones out there that give you amble bass AND a detachable cord. The cord is always the worst part of a pair of headphones because once the cord goes, the headphones are toast. I mean I guess you could always just get the like $10 headphones from Duane Reade, but they sound so shitty. Why listen to music at all if it’s going to sound shitty. And if you listen to music a lot like I do, a thick, detachable cord is very important. Jesus I’m starting to sound like a music snob.
9) There’s that part on an OKCupid profile where you can enter your musical taste. If you’ve ever clicked NOT INTERESTED to a person in your Quiver because they listed a bunch of people you don’t like, you a music snob. How can you date somebody who enjoys Miley Cyrus!
10) Relatedly, if you look down on people and shit because of their music taste, or if you believe they would be a much better human being if they could just appreciate Moloko. It’s not like my love for Yanni makes me an awful person or otherwise suggest a fondness for magical capes on my part.
11) If you get all your music from music blogs.
12) If the “T” section of your iPod is filled with dozens “The” bands.