Girl, why are you wearing so much make up? We are just going to Kroger, damn.
A hot mess wears so much make up because he or she wants to look exactly like Kim Kardashian. No shade, no tea! The train wreck doesn’t really want to hear this because the truth HURTS. No matter how many times you tell them their make-up is not on point, or how many times you hint that the look they are giving is not quite hitting the spot, the more they ignore your friendly advice or think you’re just being mean. Hey, you’re trying to be a good friend, protecting them from questionable cosmetic choices.
DO NOT say this unless you want your friend to go completely apeshit. You want crazy? I’ll show you crazy! A hot mess is ALWAYS up to something, creating a piping hot mess wherever they go. DUIs, rehab, wearing UGG boots no matter the season. It’s like their life occupation! When a hot mess is up to no good, the last thing you want is to let them know you think they’re crazy. A hot mess is a delicate soul, and you spend so much time consoling them and trying to give them the best advice you can give so they can stop messing up. Sometimes it’s the same advice over and over. This gets exhausting and you’re not a therapist, so sometimes the only thing you can do is agree with everything they say. Take the easy road.
Sure, pay me back when you can.
Everybody needs a little help sometimes, but you should exercise extreme caution when loaning a hot mess money more than once, maybe twice if you really like them, because you’re just never going to get it back. You want to be a good friend and all, and you want to help them out. But money always gets between people, and sooner or later you’re going to start wondering how they could buy themselves a brand new laptop but they still haven’t paid you back the $50 you loaned them 6 months ago. Mess.
You look absolutely amazing in that!
This is the single greatest hot mess lie of all time. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.
Will you be on time?
LOL. No they will not.
Yes, of course you can stay with me rent free until you get on your feet.
A hot mess just don’t have it together. But that’s OK, because we have all had that period in our lives. Depending on your relationship with the train wreck, he or she may ask to sleep on your couch for a bit while they get on their feet, which is OK and you’re an awesome person if you let them. I’ve done this before for a friend and I’d do it again. But you have to have boundaries because sometimes you wind up getting taken advantage of, and a “short” stay becomes several months to a year of unwashed dishes, your favorite ice cream being eaten when you were really looking forward to it, and a giant pile of underwear and dirty socks, semen stained probably, on your living room floor.