1) If Alexander Wang KILLS IT in his new position at Balenciaga.
2) If in addition to a debut album, Azealia Banks dropped a “Yung Rapunxel” weave collection. It would be even better if her record came with a free, booty length clip-in ponytail. Haaaaay!
3) If the Supreme Court ruled that bans of gay marriage are super unconstitutional. Some of us gays have international lovers we would very much like to import into the United States.
4) If Christine Quinn got elected the first lesbian mayor of New York City. Her, or Alec Baldwin.
5) If networks stopped green lighting stupid shows like 666 Park Avenue and Work It. I mean, really. Actually, if NBC decided that, whoops, it made a grave mistake and brought 30 Rock back for another 12 seasons!
6) If Taylor Lautner, the (alleged) raging homosexual, just came out of the closet if, of course, the tabloid sphere and Google are actually correct and he is in fact a gay. If any big A-listers came out as gay gay gay.
7) If somebody gave John Galliano a job! He was never a neo-Nazi, just a stressed out, over boozed fashion designer with an unparalleled collection of fabulous hats.
8) If we could get through 2013 without a single mass shooting. We have got to have tighter gun control, and mass shootings or innocent shootings in the name of “self defense” have got to stop. Does carrying a gun really make anybody that much safer?
9) If the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs album is wild and off the chain. If James Murphy really did work with/produce the new YYY album, despite denial by both camps.
10) If James Murphy, formerly of LCD Soundsystem, brought LCD back or did some other awesome musical project. If he DJ’d my graduation party.
11) If The Outs got picked up by a network.
12) If some washed up actress (not naming names!) had a giant come back, despite various stints in rehab, jail, and bad movies.
13) If people stopped saying YOLO, seriously.
14) If, at last, somebody hired RuPaul to host a major awards ceremony.
15) If people discovered more imaginative places to take their ho pics, places far, far away from the bathroom mirror/sink. You can do better!
16) If the person we like a lot finally realized that we are an amazing catch and that we’re not going to wait around for them forever.
17) If extremist ideology totally disappeared — or at least got out of the center of American policy and lawmaking.
18) If 50 Shades of Grey was awesome, and if there were a couple of scenes in the movie where we could see James Deen work his piece.
19) If bottle service clubs became a thing of the past.
20) If gay youth didn’t feel so persecuted that the only way out was to commit suicide.
21) If one of the crazy extremist Supreme Court justices stepped down so Obama could finally appoint a liberal-homosexual-loving-elitist-East Coast-alternative-intellectual-left wing judge.
22) If you did what you really wanted to do, rather than focusing only on what you have to do.