When I was younger, I used to dream about love. What would it feel like, for my heart to flutter? I thought of the first kiss. I thought of the first date. But most of all, I thought about the feeling of love. And what it would feel like to have it myself.
And then you get a little older. You’re at the age to start loving, right? So you start giving your heart to people who could never deserve it. Because you want to feel love. You’ve always wanted it, after all.
And then you grow up. The feelings fade, and you’re left with someone who has built a home inside your body but did not think to turn on the warmth when it gets cold. They did not build walls when they began to crumble.
“Well, we love each other.” Then why do you feel so empty?
This is when you start to learn.
You built a home but the foundation you built it on was swiped underneath you because it was never permanent.
Your mind spins as you realize that fighting and hollowing your heart dry to find a feeling was never the answer. Because love was never enough. Love is only the foundation that you build from.
Love becomes loyalty and honesty that never wavers. It is a finger that points back at the person behind it when blame takes place.
It is about the way he follows up when you tell him you’ve found a new hobby.
It’s about the way you both lean in when things get hard. The way he takes things off your shoulders when you feel weak.
My love, you know it is true. It has never been about the way love feels.
It has always been about the way love does.