Nothing is better than a deep belly laugh, a wide smile, or the glow you feel when you are happy.
But when the sadness comes around, we numb it. Where did our happiness go?
I used to be so uncomfortable feeling sad. I’d do anything to chase it out of my system. I remember the amount of events I would add to my schedule so I wouldn’t have to sit in my sadness. To feel my hurt. Pain was not my friend.
It is now. After years of dealing with depression and anxiety, heartbreak, losing people, and losing myself, I’ve come to the conclusion: Pain always will come back around. But it is your own choice to let it turn to suffering.
When pain comes around, I welcome it into my arms. I say, “Hello, my old friend.” I look at it right in the eye. Because without pain, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
Pain has shifted me out of every single poorly fitting relationship or pattern in my life. It has shrunk and squeezed me to stretch me back out further than I was before so that when I put back on my old habits or relationships, I don’t fit.
My depression taught me that I can become resilient. That I can handle the hard things. After moving through the pain, it showed me that as much space I have to be that sad, I have to be full of love.
My anxiety made me feel very alone in my mind. When I gained control over my mind instead of letting it control me, it showed me the capacity I have to think about what I say and how I love others.
My heartbreak showed me that loving and giving from an empty cup is not sustainable. After moving through the pain, I became the love I knew I needed. I learned so much. And I realized that I deserve a love that meets me halfway.
Pain has taught me that it comes when I need it. It shows me that in order to grow, I have to feel it. To let it sit. And then I have to let it go. To let it change me.
There are two things: pain and love. I’ll choose to flush out my pain, let it change me, and become the next version of myself.
Every. Single. Time.
I don’t fear you, pain. You are my beautiful messenger.
And this girl right here? She can take on anything.