1:32:41 PM: Bitch Boy: Hey. I’m walking around with a broken foot in a boot. What’s new with you?
1:39:58 PM: Me: That sucks. Sorry but why do you keep messaging me?
1:48:21 PM: Bitch Boy: Aren’t you smart enough to answer that question yourself?
1:55:19 PM: Me: I’m obviously not interested though. So why do you bother?
1:57:36 PM: Bitch Boy: Do you really need an answer to that question? I mean, honestly I know you know the answer and you’re just being passive aggressive bitchy about it, but I feel the need to be passive aggressive back and point out that the answer is obvious.
2:02:23 PM: Me: Well if you think the answer is so obvious then why bother. It’s honestly just aggravating and irritating at this point. I don’t like you. Let it be.
2:03:23 PM: Bitch Boy: The answer that was obvious was why I would continue to message. Not whether you’re interested or not. Anyone’s interest is fluid. No matter how far to the not interested side it is, it’s always possible it can change.
2:04:36 PM: Me: My interest is not fluid.
A little insight: I went on THREE dates with this guy in the summer of 2013. Just THREE. Only THREE. I take a LONG time to warm up to people, but I can usually get a read off of the first few dates. After the third date, I realized I wasn’t attracted to him mentally, physically, or emotionally. This happens, and things typically end amicably.
Shortly after our third date, he invited me to a Mets game. Coming down with a summer cold (the actual worst thing ever), I told him I’d let him know in a few days. My sickness was a good excuse to get out of the date. I kept pushing him to invite someone else because I didn’t think I’d be better by then.
He didn’t. The night of the game came around and I was sick as a dog. It was raining (the game ended up being rain-delayed AND ended early due to the rain), and I told him I didn’t want to go. Sure, it was an asshole move on my part, but I’d given him fair warning and plenty of time to find someone to use the second ticket.
He had a fit. Sick and too tired to deal with his shit, I ignored him that night and for the months to come.
Since then, he’s been texting me every so often, asking me out again. I always decline politely.
But when he messaged me on Wednesday afternoon, I was buried in work and had no time to dole out such pleasantries.
2:06:51 PM: Bitch Boy: You know what’s funny though. You write about politeness in your blog. You clearly expect some level of courtesy. But you don’t give it. How can you be the kind of person that pulls a no show on a date involving expensive prepaid tickets, never give an apology, and then act like someone owes you any kind of courtesy. Frankly, I could care less if you’re interested or not, or if you’re irritated or not. I don’t care if the door is closed forever or if it isn’t. I send a message if I want to send a message. That’s as deep as it goes. And your snarky comments barely register on my radar.
At this point I’m pretty sure this guy is trolling me. He’s trying his best to get a rise out of me for something that had happened over a year ago. Though my asshole/sassy side wants to put him in his place, I bite my tongue.
2:33:41 PM: Bitch Boy: Was looking something up to tell my friend and see I’m famous on your blog. You fail to mention that Coney Island is THE closest beach. You are one basic bitch.
I continue to bite my tongue and not let him get the best of me. Again, did I say we dated over a year ago and he clearly still has hard feelings? I’m confused. Also, question for the men out there—what kind of guy discusses girl problems with their friends like this?
An hour later I receive an email to which I am CC’d with a few other recipients whom I assume are his “friends.”
From: Bitch Boy
Date: Wed, Oct 1, 2014 at 3:12 PM
Subject: So fucking hilarious. Check out this story.
So there is this girl. We went on 4 dates. All the dates appeared to go really well from my perspective. She wasn’t as good looking as I normally date, but the chemistry made it seem like it might be a real prospect instead of just a fling. The 3rd date was a trip to Coney Island. We had a 5th date planned to see the Mets. For context, this girl is obsessed with baseball, so this wasn’t the normal case of a guy dragging an unwilling girl to something he wants to do. She most definitely goes to more baseball games a year then I do. I bought good seats that came with food and drink. Not cheap plans. The kind of plans that deserve a bit of courtesy when you’re the one receiving shit for free.
OK, he looks like a bunch of boogers bunched together, and I’m “not as good looking as he usually dates?” He also mentions a 3rd and 5th date, but there was no 4th date.
The girl starts giving me some excuse about not feeling well a few days before the game. She tells me she might not be able to go, but that she’ll let me know for sure as time progresses. On the day of, she is still telling me she’s not sure whether she can go or not. She has yet to suggest we cancel the plans. So I’m continuing to hold the plans open for her. As a nice guy, I tell her we can bail on the game, I can bring her some soup and DayQuil, and we can just take it easy. Pretty nice of me to offer if you ask me. I don’t hear back from this text, or any other. She just ghosts on me. No message to tell me she’s not going. Clearly she doesn’t give a shit if I have to eat the cost of the ticket or go alone. Luckily, the game is rain delayed, and I’m able to find someone to take her place. Still, the entire set of events sours the whole day, and I ended up taking someone who doesn’t even like baseball that much. So that made it pretty lame.
I WAS ACTUALLY SICK. Also, it was raining that day, so of course I didn’t want to go once it started raining.
So I know this, but decide not to tip my hand. I message like nothing happened. This girl ignores me for months. When she finally does respond, she acts like nothing ever happened.
We start talking about hanging out again. She’s into it, but I’m finding it hard to nail down specific plans. Finally I lose my cool and call her out…to which she acts like a total ass and says she was never interested in me and doesn’t like me…blah blah blah. Translation…I’m mad you called me out for acting like a dick, so now I’m going to try to make you feel stupid.
I DIDNT WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HIM. First I was polite and led him on (OK, bad move), but eventually I had enough and was just like GET A HINT. I’M NOT INTERESTED AND NEVER WAS.
To be honest, I stopped truly caring a long time ago. At this point, it’s just a challenge for me, to see if I can turn it around.
So I reached out to her today for the hell of it, and she’s got no time for pleasantries today. She starts off being nasty.
NO SHIT, SHERLOCK. I AIN’T EVER GOT TIME FOR PLEASANTRIES.
She has this blog. … A relatively recent post is her “9 dates rated on a disaster scale”. Curiosity has me checking to see if I’m in there. Sure enough…I am!
She describes our 3rd date. She rates it a 7 on the disaster scale.
What’s funny, is this is supposedly a 7 out of 10 disaster. We went there on purpose cause she had never been and it’s a famous destination. I was down to go anywhere. Another note…it’s pretty much the closest beach to where she lived. So she acts like I took her to some crazy far destination…when I took her to the closest option to get her to the beach. So it’s just funny. This girl told me she wanted to go to the beach. I do all this shit for her, and she wants to pretend like this is some dream of mine that I’ve forced her into. And the Nathan’s hot dogs thing? I told her it was famous and asked if she wanted to try.
5PM-9PM…I’ll summarize, as the messaging gets out of hand: I refuse to respond to him or his snarky emails on which I am CC’d. I busy myself wrapping up at the office and heading home to watch my SF Giants play their wildcard game against the Pirates. Not wanting to spoil the special night, I only check my messages a few times.
In his messages he calls me:
- “a lying inconsiderate dickbag”
- “a selfish and inconsiderate dickbag for ignoring me for 6 months”
- “completely full of shit”
- “still an inconsiderate dick”
- “typical self entitled brat”
- “a spineless coward”
- “self centered bitch.”
Also apparently this is “the most horrible thing anyone has ever done to me on a date.”
I think he should consider himself lucky if this was the single most horrible thing anyone has ever done to him on a date. I tell him this.
I probably have dated more than anyone you know. When I’m actively dating I can go on anywhere from 5-8 dates a week.
I applaud his dating stamina and ask if he is done messaging me yet. His tirade continues. I intervene.
9:56:38 PM: Me: You feel stood up. No one should feel that way and because of that I’m sorry. You’re wrongly accusing me however. But I’m sorry you feel that way and have felt that way
9:56:42 PM: Bitch Boy: I think it’s safe to say that after paying hundreds of dollars on dates for you, I deserved…
Let me stop the copy-paste message right there! MEN: NOTHING GOOD CAN COME OF A SENTENCE/STATEMENT STARTING OFF LIKE THIS.
I’m starting to realize that the only reason why this guy is so bent out of shape is because he realized (a year later) that he paid for dates (his insistence, not mine—I’m a proponent for going Dutch, TRUST), and he didn’t get any sex in return.
10:05:53 PM: Bitch Boy: And I could care less whether you “like me”. You liked me enough to go on 3 dates with me and make out and fool around. You can’t make that go away no matter how much you try.
10:06:11 PM: Me: I’ve dated guys for months without really liking them. Its what dating is. You’re still feeling out a person and wondering, “gee do I like this person?” in this case, my answer after our third date was no.
10:30PM…he starts insulting my parents for raising such a shitty daughter. The claws come out. MADDAWG comes out. I cease to bite my tongue and let him have it. At this point, my SF Giants are up 5-0 against the Pirates and I am thoroughly enjoying this game minus a thorn in my side.
10:37:01 PM: Me: What do you not understand about not messaging me. I’m blocking you. I’ve heard you out and quite frankly I don’t need to hear anymore.
10:38:10 PM: Bitch Boy: You heard me out and shit your ears. Congratulations on being an adult child.
10:39:04 PM: Bitch Boy: I seriously can’t wait to send this delusional spoiled conversation to my friends so we can have a good laugh at how little personal integrity you have. Kudos for “hearing me out”.
I’m glad this dude has a support system of friends who tolerate his long-winded, angsty emails. That seems like a great group of guys who are there to support this nutjob—this adult, 25+, fully employed nutjob.
I’m not perfect. I’m FAR FROM perfect when it comes to dating. But no matter how far south things turn, I try to maintain a good platonic relationship with guys I’ve dated. I don’t like to burn my bridges. However, in this case it seems mandatory.
I apologize for my immaturity for sharing this.