10 Everyday Struggles Only People Who Are ‘Emotionally Unavailable’ Will Understand

1. You want to keep going on dates with someone, but you can’t.

You’ve met an amazing person. They’re funny, quirky, and have an amazing smile. They fit your standards more than perfectly. But for some reason, something is off. That spark isn’t there. You’re uninterested in them, at most you see them as just a great friend. You keep asking yourself why, you aren’t as interested as you should be. They’re great, but they aren’t great enough for you to stay.

2. You’re overly picky, and run if someone isn’t perfect. (Then regret it.)

They hate pizza? They think Rihanna is better than Beyoncé? Your first instinct is to run away, because there is no way that you could be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t meet your standards. However, after a few bad dates and several nights alone, you start to wonder to yourself, “Why was I so picky? I could have still been with that person, had I not been overly picky.”

3. You keep your distance because you are scared of rejection.

You never reveal much about your interests and your past. You know a lot about someone, but they don’t know much about you, aside from your name, your age, and your job. To them, you’re background is like any others. But the reason why you hold back so much is that you’re scared of showing the real you. What if they don’t like the real you? It’s better not to take that risk.

4. You lose the motivation to date quickly, but regain it after a while.

There are some points that you feel like you’re ready get back out there. However, after swiping to the end of Tinder and encountering every single type of fuckboy out there, you make excuses, such as “I’m too busy to date anyways” or “This is boring”, and delete your Tinder account. Flash forward to a few months later, and you want to date again. And thus the vicious cycle starts.

5. You start to blame your exes for making you like this (Then take it back.)

You blame your exes for making you unable to enter a relationship with someone. You think because they sucked the life out of you, they ruined the whole experience of being in a relationship for you, which is why you have trouble getting into new ones. Then your rationale comes back, and you realize that they were just an asshole and not all relationships are terrible. But you still think about your exes every once in a while, and you feel as if the thought of them prevents you from moving on.

6. You want to get intimate quickly, because you want to devalue sex, but stop before anything happens, or feel bad about it.

You want to just hookup with someone to relieve your sexual frustration. After all, sex doesn’t mean anything, right? I can just sleep with someone and just leave. But, when you’re given the chance to hookup with an attractive stranger, you either stop or hate yourself afterwards. If you stop, you probably realized that this isn’t what you really want to do or can’t bring yourself to be intimate with someone without a connection. If you hate yourself afterwards, you probably felt something off during the hookup and you weren’t able to enjoy it, or you feel as if it was a waste of time.

7. You worry about the future too much and that ruins new relationships.

When you enter a new relationship with someone, you start to wonder about different things, such as “Will they like me?”, “What do they want with me?”, or “I hope they aren’t an asshole”. You also start to think about every single ending that you could have with that person, ranging from a terrible breakup, to a happy marriage. But you mostly think about every possible bad breakup situation that you could have with this person. Because you’re so invested in the future with someone, you forget to focus on actually getting to know someone.

8. You make the other person work way too hard because you don’t know how to respond.

They’re always the ones who text first. They’re always the one who makes plans. You just go along with it, because you feel obligated to. However, when they ask you what you want to do, your mind goes blank. You don’t offer to plan dates because you’re not sure if they’ll go along with your plans. You don’t text first because you’re not sure if they like you enough. Thus, it’s always the other person who makes the plans.

9. You run away when people show outward affection because you’re scared.

If someone kisses you, or tells you that you’re beautiful, you get scared. Thoughts such as, “They’re only saying this because they want something from me,” or “This is what they say to all girls” run through your mind. You don’t trust anyone’s words, because you believe that they have an ulterior motive. That’s why, when someone says “I love you” to you, you run away as fast as possible because you don’t want to get hurt again.

10. You’re working hard to love yourself again.

You don’t believe that you are loveable because the person/people you thought loved you for who you were turned out not to care. You feel that because people are incapable of loving you, you shouldn’t love back. Deep down though, you know there’s someone who loves you. There are so many people who love you. And one day, you might find someone that truly loves you. But you want to love yourself again first, as it is only the first step to great things.