To the man I settled for, your name still rings through my head throughout the day and your touch still sears my skin as if I was a curious child too tempted to disobey my parents and my consequence is I now wear the scar in my adulthood.
Your presence still lingers in certain corners of my mind that are too shattered to recover and my lips still feel swollen from your kisses that were too primal for my fragile state.
However I no longer think that I was blessed to have you, but that you were nothing more than a conclusion I settled on out of complacency.
We made sense together, at three in the morning when your fingers entwined with mine and you sighed peacefully in my ear I didn’t think there was a more logical decision than to love you.
When your eyes met mine in the middle of a crowded room and you held them for a little too long, I knew that you were the piece I was missing from within myself and I knew from that moment on I would never be the same.
I suppose I was right because in all honesty I have never been the same, I still shudder when someone praises the plump nature of my lips but your compliments were valued for the lesson’s that followed.
I settled for you, I settled for your excuses and ignorance because I justified them with the kindness you would show me late at night.
I settled for your games because I couldn’t bare to live without your false attention and the moments when I was just a convenience for you. At the time I didn’t feel as though I was settling, in fact I felt lucky to bask in your presence no matter how few times it was. Now I settle for nothing less than perfection, because through the wasteland that became my life through your touch, flowers of gratitude began to grow.
So thank you for how inconsiderate you were, thank you for choosing an easy situation over one that is worth it.
Thank you for breaking me to the extent where I had to simply become a new person, and whilst I still cry over you it’s not me I feel sorry for anymore. I feel sorry for you because through your fear you cheated yourself out of a love that could have saved you from the harsh environments of the world, you lost a universe because you were distracted by how to handle it.
So now I settle for happiness, I settle for infinite self love & to never again be complacent in a situation simply because it makes sense. I settle for not settling, and I will never again devalue myself or beg for attention just because someone is blinded by my brightness.
There is no love in treating someone poorly, there is only selfishness.