If You Think Roommates Are Annoying, Just Wait Until You Get A Spouse

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It may have been the one who pretended like they didn’t hear you when you said, “Ugh the dishes need to be done and I’m NEVER HERE TO EAT.” The one who liked to leave pizza on the middle of the coffee table for 800 years until the pepperoni festered into the cheese and botulism spread from the sausage into their words and clothes. The roommate who pretended like it was normal to wake up at 6am and play country music about beer, sex, and horses, then leave the lights on after they left for work. They consistently caused you to cover your face with your pillow and growl. The roommate who sits in their room and screams at their parents about how they need money or they’re going to start doing drugs to make a point (No, a job is out of the question. They’re too busy on social network sites during working hours). The one who left condescending post it notes on your items because they couldn’t handle sharing the counter. The one that brought over friends you can’t even fathom graduating from the 12th grade. The roommate that won’t leave you alone, because having a conversation while you’re naked in your bedroom is completely fine and normal to them. The roommate that left a McFlurry in your shower. Who crawled on their hands and knees naked with their door open looking for a phone cover, leaving your retinas scarred.

Roommates are bizarre, and they rarely cease to “throw us off” with their quirks. The thing about personality is that we all have one. Even girls who pretend like they’re submissive and only talk about their network and instagram follower ratios have personality. They might not have much, but everyone has something they’re passionate about; everyone has a quirk. No two people are exactly the same, (even though some people pretend like they have “EVERYTHING IN COMMON, OMG!” to get into a relationship). Quirks are weird, and living with others is a challenge for those who can’t handle variety and change.

So you call your mom or your best friend from home to complain, “I want to scream, my roommate did this (didn’t pick up a towel) and I’m liv-id. I’m perfect, so I don’t understand why they’re not perfect, and they said this, (Oops, sometimes I forget to pick up my towel) and then I was like, (hm. That’s interesting), and that makes total sense and I’m not the crazy one, RIGHT!?” Your friend agrees with you because they’re in line a grocery store and they can’t tell you you’re a psycho in front of people, so they nod and say “THAT is not okay. Seriously, your roommate is crazy.”

From that point on you both have a mutual hate for that roommate who did something insignificant that made you a little bit upset.

You clean their dishes and take out the trash while you mutter, “I’m the only one who ever does anything, and they never do anything *mimic a quote from roommate with attitude.*” The laundry was left in the washer again! You have to move it into the dryer, so you can wash your clothes, (HOW could this roommate be so inconsiderate!?).

Let’s not forget the things we like about our roommates. We are around them constantly, and it’s in human nature to point out flaws. We can either point out all of their flaws, leaving us to wrack our brains constantly about how much we hate them for NOTHING, or we can think about the positive traits they have. Maybe they’re a hot mess, maybe they leave their hot pocket wrappers everywhere and your mirror coated in hairspray, but everything that comes out of their mouth is outrageously blunt and awesome. Your roommate probably saved your life when she warned you that two of your ex’s were going to be in the same place as you. Maybe he played the wing-man and let you make out with the girl that he originally had feelings for, but he saw that she liked you and backed off. They picked you up that one time you were stranded on the side of the road because your car broke down. Your roommate made those awesome cookies for you when you were depressed about losing your job.

Now, think of that roommate. That roommate is your spouse. They’re annoying. They have quirks. You complain to your friends and parents about them when they do something that irks you to the moon and back. They might be insanely annoying, but they know you more than anyone else in this world, and SOMEHOW you manage to find harmony in your household. Harmony and tension are two things that keep us entertained. Without tension we wouldn’t have relaxation, without harmony there would only be chaos. You sign a lifetime lease with your spouse to be roommates. You’re going to have to clean up after them, be naked in front of them, and see all of their quirks. Don’t exhale in despair just yet, you’re the roommate too; your quirks are just as weird. Choose a spouse with the quirks to handle yours.