When People Really Suck

Captain Fer
Captain Fer

When nothing you do will make it better, and everything you do will make it worse, be selfish. 

The main goal in life is to be selfless and kind, honestly giving at all times. There are times, however that you need to take a step back. Take off that shirt you think is “green.” All of your friends keep telling you that shirt is red. When you’re wearing it, you truly believe it is green. When you take off the shirt you then realize that the shirt did look green when you were drowning in it, but staring at it now… It’s red. 

How did you get in that hole? Of taking responsibility for somebody else’s actions? Didn’t your parents tell you to take responsibility for your own actions? Sitting alone in the silent room, feeling a strong pull on each and every heart-string, you let another person become a part of you. Each thing they did, each word they said would pull a string of yours. How could they not be a part of you, when they had the complete and upmost control of your body and your mind? If they are a part of you, and your parents taught you well, it comes naturally to take responsibility for your actions. Hence, your actions are equivalent to their actions. 

You’ve wasted so much time trying to clean up after their mess that you’re standing in a crowded room, screaming, and nobody even looks up. Their one-word answers become full paragraphs, the way you read into them. 

They let you keep the hope in your heart that somehow they’ll change, that you’ll convince them that you are their better half. You are! 

You are an amazing person, with redeemable qualities that they can’t see because of how consumed they are in their own disasters. Disasters they make you view as glamour, so much appeal and allure that it could wrap you in a scarf and take you to Paris. Beautiful, really. A human so incredulous, they genuinely believe their dismal life to be divine.

The approval of somebody who has treated you like a combination of ground up rock and dirt, smothered in acid rain is not approval at all, but exertion of control over you.

To be positive, they have only made you that much more sensitive and selfless; beauty and the breakdown. There comes a point in which you cannot do, or say anything to make it better. 

Every single action you take to try and receive the approval that you desperately hunger for, only makes the situation worse.

Be selfish because you’re worth it.

Turn your phone off and don’t worry if they’re going to call you with something for you to do and not receive any credit for. 

Tune them out, and watch their true colors emerge. They had painted the space around you a hundred shades of putrid grey, and they want to keep it that way because your happiness irritates them. 

It irritates them because they could never feel that way. They don’t understand why you have the ability to have a beautiful countenance without despair. Misery loves company, and happiness can lift more than a thousand pounds of misery from the depths of a broken soul.

It may seem morbid, but to leave someone after they have trampled you into the ground, and let that last piece of light from within you dim to a soft grey in your eyes, will be the best thing you ever do. 

There are humans out there with real feelings, genuine intentions, and sincere passion for you and your well being. The most beautiful thing about it, is that there aren’t just a few of them. If you allow somebody to love you without boundaries, that allure of approval from a deepest dark will show the petty truth of it’s nature. 

Love your enemies. 

Bless those that curse you. 

Do good to them that hate you. 

Pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you. 

Put yourself around people who truly love you and want to see that golden glimmer before the sunset begins, reflecting off every perfect imperfection in your being. Be around people who call when they say they will, and support you in all that you do.

When you move on and see the walls around you as white as snow with light and hope, think about those people who have hurt you. You’ll know if you have done it right when you hope that they found the best. When you don’t have a sliver of resentment towards them, because they made you stronger by making you sensitive. A combination of qualities only seldom have. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Keep up with Maddison on Twitter and Website

More From Thought Catalog