Wedding Vows To Los Angeles

Chris Goldberg
Chris Goldberg

I resident, take you Los Angeles to be my lawful wedded home. With the deepest amount of happiness I place myself on your jam packed streets. As Christ is to His body, The Church, so I will be to you a loving and recycling resident. Always to perform my most perfect parallel parking as you provide me with open spaces. I promise to always love your weather, being sunshine or…. sunshine. I vow to never complain about your 40 degree winters and to embrace your 90 degree summers.

I promise to live first unto God rather than to hipsters or even you.  Ever honoring my GPS guidance through your smog thicken streets. No matter what the 101 may look like I pledge to you my life as a celebrity crazed, in-N-out eating resident.

Long ago you were just a dream and prayer in my heart. This day is like a dream come true. The Lord answered my prayer. For today, You, Los Angeles have become my lawful home. I vow in confidence to submit my bank account to your parking attendants and highway patrols. I will always try, with God’s help to show you the same kind of Love and diversity you have always offered me.

I vow to not succumb to the douche-bags who invade your city limits. I promise to hike through your coyote infested trails. To cherish your helicopter and siren invading nights.

I desire to be trustworthy as your resident to not make fun of the tourist who visits your destination.  To have patience with the people who stop and stare at the stars on Hollywood Blvd and to not cuss at the rental cars that apparently have jet lagged drivers.

From this day forward I pronounce my dependence on your frozen yogurt filled streets. For Hollywood hills or Venice beach boardwalk, in Smog filled lungs and in liposuction. To love and cherish every palm tree till earthquake do us part. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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