I Want To Be Okay Again

Julia Caesar

My lips hurt
They physically sting
But more than that
They crave you.
I want –
More than anything right now –
To be lying next to you
To feel your hand brush up against mine
To hear my laughter fill the air
To see your eyes
And even, to simply kiss you
I want
Control.
I want that back.
And maybe I’m being foolish,
Maybe I am naive –
You can say what you want about me –
But you don’t understand,
In fact, you never will.
The control that I crave,
It’s something that can’t be simply explained.
As I sit here,
Quietly,
It’s 2am and my mind needs peace
You aren’t my first thought
But maybe you’re the one I crave the most.
And as I sit here,
As I place the pieces together,
I want those feelings back.
I want to be okay again.
And I know it might sound stupid,
But guess what?
I don’t fucking care.
God damn it I don’t care
At all
Anymore.
And I don’t expect you to understand
But I am sitting here
Left with pieces
Of a broken puzzle.
They don’t make sense,
They don’t seem to fit.
It’s hard
And it’s overwhelming
And it’s too much.
And for some reason,
Laying next to you,
I felt whole.
And so that is why
When it is 2 am
And my lips hurt
And my skin begs to be touched,
I think of you. TC mark

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