This Should Have Been My Goodbye Note To You

You don’t know how much it hurts for me to say goodbye. It hurts so much that I can’t even say it to you personally. I caved. I choose a letter.

Goodbye to you and your foolish smiles. I loved them, so much, that I depended on them to brighten up my day. You know that I am not a morning person, and your smile was all that it took to ease my doomed mornings.

Goodbye to you and your bright brown eyes. I could see through them and that’s all I needed to see that love for me emanating from your heart to your soul. I knew you were genuine.

Goodbye to you and your pair of big hands. Their warmth, which I’ll surely miss, will forever linger in the veins of my arms and through my spine. My small fingers that fit in between yours will be cold for quite some time.

Goodbye to you and the love you have invested in me. I swear, I cultivated it and grew it within me. I felt it beyond my skin, beyond my bones. It could have been the best feeling in my whole entire life.

Goodbye to you and your pointless jealousies. Your obsession over me is very intoxicating. You have to remind yourself that I had my own life before you came into it. It hurts me every time you express your distrust.

Goodbye to you and your sharp words. They cut through me recklessly. I kept on giving way and swallowing my pride just to avoid further injuries. I came home from our arguments bloody and helpless – almost dying.

Goodbye to you and your sticks of cigarette. I loved the smell of your smoke. But they slowly started to kill me. I’ll surely miss the smoke. But I have to live. You are not and will not be the reason for me to kill myself, because you are not worth it, not anymore.

This thing, that we once called love, is not worth it anymore.

So, I’m saying these goodbyes to save myself, not from you, but from these fatal feelings I have for you.

I wanted you and I still want you. But not like this.

I could’ve written this directly for you – to make it all clearer – but then, I would have wasted so many tears, and ink, and paper.

All that was left was a sticky note. I wrote the word, “goodbye” and posted it on the refrigerator.

I left. I let go.