When I met met my boyfriend, he was a 22-year-old asshole consumed (more like obsessed) with Tinder and shotgunning beers.

He was dating (a term which I use loosely) a naive and oblivious girl who he met in high school. Despite being in a relationship, he was still a self-consumed douchebag who asked me to hang out (and hook up) on multiple occasions. He was an authentic fuckboy basking in the glory of bitches and booze. I never had an interest in being in a relationship or sleeping with him (to clarify, I didn’t sleep with him until he was single).

However, I did see him a lot due to mutual friends and mutual hangout spots. He was cute, charming, and wore too much denim (which was also charming), but I stayed away from his voodoo fuck boy spells and magical powers.

As his fuckboy phase reached its peak, he slowly began to grow up. I heard from my friends that he broke up with his high school sweetheart and gradually began to drift away from the bar scene. His booty call texts transitioned to morning texts. His late night “wyd” turned into “let’s grab lunch this week.” The fuck boy warlock had humanized.

You can’t change a fuckboy unless they want to be changed. It’s something they have to do on their own.

It’s all about priorities. Once men stop worrying about sex and only sex, their focus shifts to the bigger picture of life, such as careers and finding a life partner. I guess women just grow up first, and men simply follow in their footsteps.

I think young girls are conditioned to believe that if a boy is an asshole to them, it means he likes her. I’m not sure when such a twisted idea became a social norm, but it’s nothing more than bullshit.

Ladies, if he’s an asshole to you, then the reality of it is that he’s probably just an asshole. You’re nothing special to him; neither are the three other girls he’s being an asshole to. And deep down I think we all know this, but we still chase the assholes and let the good guys go. We recognize the texts are merely booty calls but still go running at the door at late hours. I told you the voodoo is powerful. 

Fuck boys are fuck boys until they aren’t anymore.

There’s no logic to this statement, but there is truth.

The lesson of this whole story is to never wait around for a fuckboy to grow up; never wait around for a fuckboy to get his priorities straight. Focus on yourself. 

Sometimes we think that if we stick around and withstand the bullshit, he’ll suddenly realize that we’re the girl he’s been waiting for his whole life. As much as I’d like to believe that life is a Disney movie and love at first sight is real, it’s way less painful to stop being a hopeless romantic and walk away.

So I guess if you told me a few years ago that I would be in a long-term relationship with an ex-fuckboy, I’d laugh in your face. I’d hysterically laugh until I couldn’t breathe.

Love at first sight might not be real, but love is. Life can be shitty and really fucking eventful, but people surprise you.

Wait for a confident and loyal man to find you. Never wait for a fuckboy to change.

That shit takes time.