We met in college, a beautifully chaotic time of being young, wild and free.
We were two dandelions swinging in the wind, alone, yet surrounded by an army of weeds. Born to be spontaneous, held down by the dirt roots beneath the surface. You were the same as me, just as lost and confused. I heard the florets of your head whisper desperate words of loneliness and attention.
You filled an empty void inside my soul. Your radiant, yellow petals were rays of sunshine. Your love was a source of nourishment. You kept me sane. You kept me safe.
I needed you and you needed me.
Looking back now, it’s funny. And a tad bit ironic. I never thought we would become best friends. Sure, we had a few mutual friends, but we didn’t exactly get along at first.
Oh my gosh. I remember the first time we grabbed lunch together. It was so awkward! The small talk. The uncomfortable moments of silence. The weird, unnatural eye contact and pauses.
A few lunch dates. A couple nights at the bar. Some small gossip sessions. Suddenly, we were inseparable.
It’s an age-old tale: an unexpected friendship between two basic bitches.
I grabbed your hand and showed you my secret world. You grabbed my hand and showed me a new world. You slowly became my older sister, my mentor. You made me feel invincible.
You showed me that there is so much more to life. You showed me acceptance, something I never knew I so desperately needed. You encouraged me to find happiness. You encouraged me to follow my dreams. You pushed me outside my comfort zone. You pushed me to new limits.
You told me I could tell you anything. You told me you would always be there for me.
I confided in you. I trusted you. And you betrayed me.
I wasn’t always the greatest friend. I know I wasn’t. You were always there for me, and I occasionally neglected you. I chose to follow my heart, rather than to stick by your side. I was selfish.
But I never thought that you would hurt me. I never thought that you would stab me in the back, ruthlessly and repeatedly.
I gave you the power to hurt me, and you used that power to your advantage. You took every secret, every insecurity, and exposed the world to these sacred moments of trust. You desperately tried to take away the love of my life. You desperately tried to isolate me from life.
You changed. You were once a person who made me feel on top of the world. You transformed into a wicked stranger determined to break me, determined to bury me on the bottom of this once-high world.
Maybe I was just naive. Naive to think that our friendship would actually last, that our friendship was real. Maybe I was too trusting, too fast to show you my world. Or maybe you liked that I idolized you; maybe it made you feel better about yourself.
However, I do not say this with a negative outlook. I do not seek vengeance. I want you to live a happy life. I hope all of your dreams come true. I am glad that you were my best friend — I do not regret our friendship. I do not regret our memories. And I certainly do not hate you. I’ll never hate you. You just hold no meaning in my heart, in my world; you hold no meaning to me.
I am grateful for you. I am grateful for our temporary friendship. I grew as a person.
I hope that one day you will find peace the same way I did. However, I do hope that you feel remorse for fucking me over. You took a something away from me.
I no longer see the good in people. I now see the truth. I no longer trust people. I take time to discover their intentions before grabbing their hand and pulling them close. And I no longer believe in the value of friendship.
So, thanks for fucking me over. Thanks for slightly breaking me.
You changed me.
But just remember, plastic coating melts in the heat.