What Sexual Tension Means (Because It's More Than Lingering Hugs And French Kisses)

Read This If You’ve Fallen Down The Fuckboy Rabbit Hole

She fell down the rabbit hole.

No. She didn’t fall.

She willingly stepped into the rabbit hole.

Again. And again. And again.

She knew she deserved better. She told herself she wouldn’t get attached. Oh, she was so naive.

Falling for a fuckboy. Relatable.

They’re just so charming. Everything about them. So fucking charming.The eyes. The smile. The dimples. The hair. The jawline. Oh my gosh, I need to stop. The fuckboy is known for his magical powers. He casts a spell on his victims. A spell that makes them feel as if they are the only girl in the whole wide world. But it’s ironic, you know. They can make us feel on top of the world one moment. Then bam, on bottom the next. Yup, a lonely pile of trash to say the least. But, no matter how many times they make us question our self-value, no matter how many times they make us wonder what WE did wrong. We always run right back into their arms. Fuck it. Sometimes we full on sprint into their arms.

I’ll admit it. I’m guilty of this. I always tell myself that I’m going to ignore his messages. But, I can’t. I physically can’t. It’s one of those things when my brain is screaming STOP in neon blinking lights, but my thumbs are twiddling away on my keyboard. And yeah, I’ll make another confession. I feel like a fucking idiot. I really do. Not my proudest moments by far. And of course, my friends love to voice their opinions…. “He’s just going to hurt you… Blah, blah, blah.. You’re just a hookup to him.. Blah, blah, blah.”

Uh, yeah. I know that he’s going to hurt me. And YEAH, I am fully aware that he hangs out with other girls.

I know all these things. But, he’s like a drug. Addictive. So addictive. So memorizing. I feel like my world stops when I’m with him. I like the rush. I live for the rush. I live for those moments when he kisses me and just stares at me for a second. It gives me a little bit of hope. Just a tinsy amount of hope that he’ll pick me. He’ll choose me. He’ll love me. Come on now, a little hope never killed nobody.

Alright.

So, what was I even getting at here?

Now that my venting session turned into a full on rant. And now that I’m out of breathe. The overall point that I was trying to make is that

WE DESERVE BETTER.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m going to say a few cliches. We deserve the world and more. We deserve to be somebody’s number one. We deserve someone who will shower us with unconditional love.

Yeah, that’s what we deserve. That’s what we want. But, I’m not going to lie to you all. I want the fuckboy too. I want him to settle down and realize that I’m the one for him. Will it happen? Probably not. Am I going to keep answering his texts? Unfortunately. So, now that I feel like a shitty human being. I should probably wrap this piece up.

This is going to sound just a tad unorthodox, but here goes nothing.

Don’t stop chasing him, if you don’t want to stop. At the end of the day, just protect yourself. Build walls. Do not let him break them. Set limits. Do not let him push them. Have fun. Get lost in the magic. But, never, ever, sell yourself short. NEVER, EVER, question your self-worth. TC mark

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Basic college girl by day. Author by night. Follow Mackenzie on Instagram or read more articles from Mackenzie on Thought Catalog.