I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing with my life.
Nope, not a single clue. Sure, I have dreams. I have goals. But as of right now,
I’m a hot mess and proud.
I’ll confess. In high school, I was “that girl.” You know… that girl who raises her hand for every single fucking question. That girl whos hands in her homework assignments two weeks early. And yeah, that girl who practically gets on her hands and knees begging the teacher for extra credit.
Ah, those were the days.
But, I have to say, walking across that stage really changed me. Eh. No. Let me rephrase. It just opened my eyes. It’s like I was living in a shell my whole life. Then, bam. I suddenly broke free. I stopped being afraid of things like rejection and failure. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy that I excelled academically. I’m happy that I pushed myself. But, I’m pissed that I never actually had the courage to stand out from the crowd. I’m pissed I never had the courage to take a fucking risk or even stand up for myself. I let people walk right over me.
Looking back now, boy do I feel like an fucking idiot. But, in some weird way, I’m grateful for my high school experience. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So, maybe I just wasn’t ready to break out of my shell back then… maybe I wasn’t strong enough.
Where was I even going with this whole thing?
I had intentions of telling you all about my big revelation where I realized that it’s okay to be a mess. But, you really just heard some anecdotes from my shitty high school experience.
Overall, the point I’m trying to make is that I used to be the girl who had it all together. I used to be the girl that planned her week down to the very last second, in a color coordinated day planner of course. And now I’m just a little lost while trying to find myself. I’m doing some serious soul searching alright. I kicked the day planner to the curb. I’m living according to me and only me. This whole learning to live in the adult world thing is going to take time. Come on, I don’t even know how to fill out a bank deposit slip.
But, I know I’m not the only one.
And YES, I do find comfort in the fact that I’m not alone.
This messy stage of my life is temporary. So, I better enjoy it while I can. I’m young and dumb and clueless and I love it. I’m on a journey of self-discovery. A journey that is only going to make me stronger in years to come.
So, if you’re anything like me.
Embrace this hot mess phase of your life. Stay out late. Party and party some more. Flirt with that cute boy. And take a couple shots… you’re going to need them.
But at the end of the day, don’t forget your goals and dreams. Just because you’re kind of lost, doesn’t mean that they’ve faded away. Take this time to learn and better yourself.
Let’s be hot messes together.