So, you just got your heart broken. Everything hurts. Maybe you’ve been crying yourself to sleep every night. Maybe you wake up in the morning in tears. Maybe you feel like you’ve fallen into a depression. Maybe you’ve buried yourself in your work to try to distract yourself, or maybe you’re using other vices to numb the pain.
Listen up: it’s okay to hurt.
Hurting is part of the human condition. Hurting is normal. Hurting is only proof that you are capable of love. Give yourself permission to be in that place for a while. Mourn the loss of your love. Lay to rest the plans that you and that person had made with each other. Be drenched in your sorrow even though the pain is uncomfortable.
And throughout all of that, remind yourself: you are NOT an idiot.
You are a woman. You are capable of warmth and compassion. You contain the perfect amount of beauty and strength. Your laugh can shake the heaviness out of a room and your touch can comfort the darkest of souls. Choosing to bring even one of those things into a relationship was never a mistake. It was not you being naïve, or blind, or stupid, so go ahead and shoot down all the “I should have known” thoughts that are flying across your brain.
Choosing love and risking your heart will never be foolish; it will always be brave.
In fact, you are a warrior.
You went into battle armed only with your heart on your sleeve, and even though you may be injured and bruised, you still have victory because you chose love.
But the war isn’t over yet. Well-intentioned people are going to pick you up and tell you to throw daggers at the one who broke you. Those people will say horrible things about the one you loved and it will feel good in the moment, but in the end it will only cripple you even further. Love is like a muscle. When you put it to good use it can get broken down but if you keep working on it, it will only grow back stronger. Just like when you use your muscles in a strenuous workout, using love can hurt at the end of the day, and the next day, and maybe even the day after. But if you hope to build your heart to be stronger and capable of even more love, you don’t switch to hate. Hating builds more hate; loving builds more love.
So forgive that person.
Not because you think they deserve it. Not because they asked for it. Not because you are going to forget what they did.
Forgive because YOU deserve it. Forgive because the people who are still in your life need your compassion and your beauty and your laugh. Forgive because you have so many more wildly adventurous and amazing things ahead of you that don’t have room for regret. Whatever this person did to hurt you in your past, is not as bad as using anger and bitterness to keep you from the love that you are so worthy of giving and receiving in your future.
So march on. Arm yourself with your heart on your sleeve. Choose to recover from love with love. Remind yourself that your dreams are still your own. Develop new dreams. Because your heart is beautiful, and the world is desperate for a warrior like you.