This Is How To Let Go Of Someone Who Never Deserved You

One day, you will have your heart broken by a boy who did not deserve you. You will have heard about this moment in every heartbreak song you’ve ever heard, but you will now know exactly what it means to feel your heart break in half. You will literally feel pain in your chest, and a pit in your stomach. You’ll wonder how long it will take you to get over this pain, and you’ll swear you never will. You might even Google that… “how long does a heartbreak last”. But I’m telling you, you will get over it. This pain will last for days, maybe weeks, and if you really loved him, it’ll be months.

You will remember every great memory you two ever had – sitting next to him in his car holding hands, watching him get way too into his video games. Snuggling on his couch, and waking up to him making you breakfast. Planning vacations together, and holidays, and deciding which movie you want to watch on Netflix. You’ll think about laying all tangled up in him as you both fall asleep, and you’ll think about his cute morning smile and kiss. All of these memories will flood you with tears, because you’ll feel like you lost part of yourself in losing him. You’ll feel lonely. Extremely, gut-wrenchingly lonely. And maybe used.

You’ll wonder if he ever really loved you – he may have even pulled the line “I love you, but I’m not ‘in love’ with you” – that one hurts bad…really bad. And you’ll question your love for him. If you’re reading this now, you did love him. You loved him with all of your heart, because when you love, you love for real. You love with no bars hold. He may have even loved you. But the truth is if he’s quick to leave, he never intended to stay. If this was the true love you truly deserve, he wouldn’t have walked away.

When you go to sleep at night, you’ll cry…uncontrollably some nights…softly others. You’ll toss and turn. And you’ll dream about him – some will be dreams that will wake you up sad. Others will be nightmares and you’ll actually wake up happy, realizing what you’re dealing with now is better than what you dealt with in your sleep. You’ll have a hard time getting up and being productive, at least the first few days. This I can guarantee you. But do it. Wake up, take a shower – or a long bath – and do yourself up beautifully. Put your make up on, fix your hair and throw on a cute (or comfy) pair of clothes. Make yourself a to-do list, no matter how small or insignificant the tasks, and make sure you knock each one off that day. Do laundry, fold clothes, bake cookies – do whatever makes you happy.

Stop at Taco Bell and order takeout, then sit and eat it while watching episode after episode of your Housewives shows. Play your songs really loud, and listen to your music wherever you go – don’t worry if people look at you like you’re crazy. Sing your heart out – sad and happy songs. Cry if you feel like it, and smile if you can. Music will carry you through the worst of times. Play a few oldies that take you back to your best memories – “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” was always my favorite.

Doing and listening to things that have always made you happy will bring you back to your base – you’ll find your way back to yourself. It might take some time, but over time the feeling in your stomach will be duller and duller. And your heartache will soften until you realize you’re more happy than you are sad. You’re in charge of your feelings – choose happiness over sadness…every day. Choose the glass half full – it will never, ever lead you astray.

And when you’re back at base – when you’re in a slightly better place, don’t be afraid to look back on what you lost and analyze it. Think hard about what made you happy, and even harder about what made you sad. Decide that the next time (because there will be a next time) you’ll look for the things you love, and avoid the things you’ve already learned make you sad. The latter part will be the hardest – if you choose optimism every time, you’ll always see the good before you see the bad. And even when you see the bad, you’ll think you can fix it. You can’t always fix the bad in other people – sometimes, they have to fix it themselves. In fact, most times they need to fix it themselves. You can be strong, and supportive, and loving – all of those things that make you such a great girl to begin with.

But know when to hold ‘em, and when to fold ‘em. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is ignoring that feeling in your gut, and holding on for way too long. It only gets harder as you hold on longer. And if you’re holding on, really make sure he’s worth it. You’ll find a man who is worth holding on to one day, but you’ll know when you’ve found this man – because he will make it easy. He will hold on to you as much as you hold on to him.

Until that day comes, however, be your happy self. Do your favorite things. Find more good in your days than bad, and be open to the idea of love again. When you’re back at base – and true to yourself – you’ll be extremely surprised at the great things that will happen to you…and the great people you’ll meet. This boy – the one who broke your heart – might even realize what he’s missing. And he’ll probably want it back. But the best revenge on a broken heart is showing it that you’re stronger than the pain – that you’re happy again, and that you refuse to settle for anything less than that which makes you extremely happy.

As they say (and as I truly believe), it’s better to love deeply and passionately, than to never have loved at all. In every love, there is a lesson…or a few. Look for that lesson, then move on and don’t look back. He was never worth it, if he didn’t believe you were. Thought Catalog Logo Mark


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