Lynn Bixenspan

26 Signs He Secretly Thinks You’re Ugly

Wrap your lover in gauze like a mummy so that you can unwrap them and scream “OH GOD YOU’RE ALIVE” right before they brutally devour your every limb and phalange.

You and Miley Cyrus have a lot more in common that you might think.

Don’t avoid them, dive in and play some tonsil hockey or polo or the sexy sport of your choice! Worried about gagging? Don’t be! If you ignore it, it doesn’t exist!

There is a rare straight man here or there who can be genuinely funny. Some attribute it to the infinity theory (“if you put monkeys with typewriters in a room….”).

Yes, it’s expensive. I went into my savings and back into credit card debt when it ended up that all of the meds involved were way more than I thought.

1. Have a Kickstarter for your Tumblr of dresses you tried to sell on Etsy but weren’t really selling so you’re putting them on Betabrand These physically uncomfortable but emotionally welcoming frocks say things like “This is what a feminist…

Because every time I poop while wearing a skirt, I feel like I’m cheating on femininity. Like I’m being “naughty.”