You will never find the perfect lover. No matter how you flip the world back and forth, no matter how long you wait, no knight in shining armor will appear in the horizon and sweep you off your feet. Chances of bumping into a billionaire in his corporate suit that would eventually fall in love with you are minimal. These are the ideas planted in our minds by media, novels, and even our own imaginations. It’s not a mistake, but it’s not how the world works. Reality slaps us hard and we must embrace that men are just like us—normal. They have their flaws and shortcomings, they have their quirks, insecurities, weirdness and they battle their demons, too.
This might be the problem of millennial love affairs, because we tend to jump to a relationship thinking that it will always last forever. We socialize so much in search for a good conversation that we sit in bars trying to evaluate people based on looks and first impressions.
We must stop this madness of falling in love with the idea of love, because love isn’t all fun and games, it’s not all likes and shares. Because Mr. Perfect isn’t at all perfect. We search and wait so long for someone to come that we forget to love ourselves first.
The first step for a relationship to work is that you love yourself before you love someone else. We keep on looking for the perfect person, but are we deserving enough to be with the person we want? We must build ourselves first, establish a career path that we love, make peace with ourselves, bond with our family and friends. Have a life goal, a bucket list if necessary, and never stop looking forward for the thirst of excitement. Find a passion, treat yourself, and then build relationships with friends.
Love is built with a foundation, and just like every building there is, it will fall hard to the ground when there is no strong foundation. Don’t hurry things up; let them grow. Learn new things from each other; discover your similarities and differences. Unlearn all the bad memories and let go of all past grudges. Relearn to feel valued and value in return. Take time to be friends first. Learn what makes him happy and what hurts him the most.
And to the lucky ones who found love, never give up on the things you love, but also remember to never lose yourself in them. Do not take love for granted because not everyone is given the opportunity to be loved in return. Fight through petty battles, differences, misunderstandings, and even distance. How thrilling it is to find a partner in life that brings out the best in both sides. Someone who encourages you to do better in life and pushes you to step up—but at the same time, someone who you can just lie down and literally do nothing with. Someone you face life with, both the exciting and the boring parts. Be there in times of trouble and cultivate your love language. Never stop doing things together and never stop making it work. Never get tired of reminding each other how much you appreciate and value them. Have faith and always pray for each other.
You see, the Perfect Man doesn’t exist, but the Right Man does. And although it may be hard to believe, he is there somewhere—or he might be beside you.