1. Thanks

Calm, collected, looking for a way out of this casual email, but wanting to do it with the uncaring sophistication people have come to expect from you.

2. Thanks again

You’ve already said thank you in the email, but you’re really looking to jam your thanks down some throats today.

3. Best

You’re a casual rebel. Someone who plays by his own rules, skipping niceties all together. You know you’re the best; you even put it before your name.

4. Take care

Thunderstorms, terrorism, even bees have begun to scare you to the point of total isolation. As you frantically type emails to satisfy your social cravings, you try to warn the others before it’s too late.

5. Hope this helps

You’ve been contacted by an old acquaintance of a friend trying to network his way to a mid level internship position. You sent him the first link that came up in a Google search, and told him you’d talk to someone named Karen about it, even though you just made Karen up.

6. Yours truly

Really trying to convince this person that it is in fact you sending this message, and not some imposter.

7. Sincerely

You’ve just typed up the most heartfelt, tearjerker of a poem, and you’re ready to send it to “the one”, most likely played by Katherine Heigl.

8. Cheers

You took a two-week trip to England, and have decided to throw off the language shackles of American imperialism, and fully commit to the new you.

9. XOXO

You are a dyslexic ox who writes his name twice.

10. Sent from my iPhone

Dismissive. Let’s people know you’re a busy person, one that doesn’t have time for ending emails, or even ending your

11. Thank you for your time

You are time lord Zolpoff, keeper of clocks and master of minutes, letting the morals know you appreciate their life fuel that powers your being.

12. Looking Forward

You’re letting them know that you’re done with the past. Everything that happened, even the accident, you’ve finally forgiven yourself for. You’re ready to move on.

13. Warmly

While you understand that they’re freezing in the cold wasteland of the artic, you hope this email will provide suitable warmth until the rescue team arrives.

14. Peace

After years of grueling war between your two nations, you the president have finally sealed the treaty to bring stability back to the world, all with this cleaver pun.

15. Love

Whether it’s them, this email, or yourself, all we know for sure is that you’re capable of love, and isn’t that an accomplishment in itself?

16. Lots of love

Through endless hours of research, you’ve found a way to quantify emotion, and have isolated a large chunk of L3-V3, or “Love”, and sent it with the e-vite to your barbeque.

17. God bless

You’ve found yourself living the plot to the 2003 comedy “Bruce Almighty”, and have decided to bring heaven into the 21st century by establishing electronic blessings.

18. See you around

After months of scouting, recording, and preparing, you’re finally ready to begin systematically hunting down everyone that was a part of the mysterious murder of your sister all those years ago. Let the games begin.