The Sex You Deserve


A few weeks ago, I saw an upsetting magazine cover while checking out at the grocery store. Women’s magazines tend to do a splendid job of making me feel terrible about myself for all the sex I’m not having. This one had the rare effect of making me angry for a few seconds. And here I am writing about it.

The article was titled “How to Get the Sex You Deserve.” What a pompous, arrogant concept. First, can you imagine that same title appearing on the cover of a men’s magazine? Grumblings about double standards aside, who deserves sex? Isn’t sex something we should consider ourselves lucky to have at all?

Are there people who deserve some kind of special sex? Is someone owed sex just because they exist?

I shook myself out of my ire and squelched any misguided misogynistic musings. I had no reason to be mad. This was just an article. The magazine has to sell and the title was just a way to get women to buy it. I should applaud the writer for crafting a title that would play to a person’s sense of entitlement as well as to their lust. Some woman out there thinks she isn’t getting sex that’s good enough for her. This article was aimed at her. I’m tempted to write an article titled, “Oh, the Sex You’re Having Each Week Isn’t Good Enough for You? Fucking Waaaah, You Spoiled, Bratty Piece of Garbage.” I’ve restrained myself and will remain civil, though.

People love to feel they’re owed something. Entitlement helps with the rationalization of greed, lust, and overall gluttony. In countries like ours, we like to believe we actually have problems. We don’t, so we dream up problems such as inadequate sex lives. People who get to have sex by choice and without paying for it still complain that their sex just isn’t the toe-curling (and unrealistic) affair they want it to be. Simply having a luxury isn’t enough. People want to have it and want it to live up to their warped standards.

The delusional expectations are tiring. The dismissal of everyone who has no opportunity to have sex is hedging on offensive. Millions, probably billions of women around the world have essentially no say in their sex lives. Yet women in the US complain their not getting laid the way they want. Many men have no hope of ever getting laid. Yet women will insist they need more than their partners are giving them.

I realize people can consider their own enjoyment without having to consider those around them who lack the same opportunities. I overpay for burritos while people living on the sidewalks in my neighborhood approach starvation. Those starving people might roil in bitter jealousy when they see me downing unnecessary calories just as I do when I see a woman I find attractive prancing out of a lingerie store with a bag full of panties she’ll wiggle in front of her guy.

I don’t owe that starving person anything. That woman doesn’t owe me anything either.

Some people in our society are fortunate enough to be able to have recreational sex. They get to choose this. For those of us who can’t relate to such a state, the idea of complaining about sex is aggravating. I want to say to anyone who feels this way, “You mean someone is willing to be naked with you and touch you for free, yet you still can’t shut up about how the universe isn’t giving you enough of what you want? How about a blanket and some warm milk, buttercup?”

No one deserves sex. No one really deserves anything.

We get what we’re able to obtain, or what dumb luck drops on us. We show an unflattering side of ourselves when we whine about what the wind blows our way. I don’t think magazines and websites help much, as they stoke our selfish insistence on having whatever we want while reminding us that what we have isn’t as great as it could be. The magazines and websites don’t own all the blame. The entitled swine who buy and click own this, too.

To close, I have some advice for those who just can’t manage to get the sex they think they deserve. Stop having sex with people. You’ll just continue to be disappointed. Science has caught and passed anatomy. Go to a sex shop. Look around. You’ll find something there that will get you off sufficiently. More importantly, it will shut you up. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Keep up with Luke on Twitter and Website

More From Thought Catalog