Sometimes she knows you like her. She knows that you will do anything for her. She knows that you are someone who cares, someone that is consistent and will always be there. She knows that whenever she wants an ego boost, a shot in the arm to her self-esteem she can always call you and you will be there dutifully as she knows that you are the type to always make yourself available to bandage her bleeding wounds despite the emotional toll it is taking on you.
Sometimes it’s 2 am. He is at a bar. Last call is at 4. He is on his own. No one has sparked his interest thus far. He is bored. He picks up his phone. He sees no one has called. He knows you are awake. He is all alone. He calls knowing you will always pick up your phone. He asks the bare minimum. Three letters just to get you to respond. “Wyd”. He knows you will respond. You always respond. That is what he counts on. He knows you don’t like to be alone. You ask him to come over. He tries to play it off. He comes over despite the fact that he feels nothing for you at all.
Truth is we all know people like this. People who get a kick out of making you feel like shit. People who exploit your interest, take advantage of your kindness and derive their power from getting you to bend to their will. They have made it obviously clear that they are not ready for anything real. They are still “finding themselves”, hurting from past relationships, emotionally unavailable and just not able to commit. They have a litany of reasons why they are not ready for something real. You don’t listen though. You think you can convince them to love you. You think that with a little more time, with a little more patience, with a little more sacrifice you will show them why they need you in their lives. This is how you lose yourself. This how you break your own heart.
Thing is a lot of people are not ready for their happiness and that is ok. They have a right not to be ready and you have a right to protect yourself from their lack of readiness. Don’t let your misery be his ministry by trying to ready a man who is not intrinsically ready to love you. Don’t let your tears be her testimony by trying to love a woman who is not ready to receive and appreciate your love. Appreciation demands reciprocity and should never flow just one way. In other words, ladies and gents don’t allow yourself to be part of their string of regrets. Your life demands a certain level of prudence and caution and it demands that you not settle for less just to avoid loneliness.
Personally, I only invest in what appreciates and what appreciates reciprocates. Below is a list of certain clues to pay attention to when determining whether or not someone is ready for the real. These are by no means a comprehensive list or even a definite guarantee of readiness however they are strong indicators that can help you determine whether or not someone is ready to love you and whether or not you should invest.
Strong Indicators That Tell If Someone Is Ready for the Real
1. They are consistent.
2. They honor their commitments.
3. They believe in a higher authority and demonstrate this in practice not just faith.
4. They are future-oriented with you.
5. They speak in the language of WE and their words match their actions with respect to this.
6. They do not rush physical intimacy.
7. They have a career they are passionate about that provides them with a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
8. They manage their lives skillfully.
9. They commit themselves to constant self –improvement.
10. They deal with their wounds, issues and childhood conditioning appropriately.
Paying attention to these ten clues can inform you as to whether or not the person you are investing your time, energy and resources into is serious about you. People can only treat you how they treat themselves and how you let them treat you. Unless they are ready to get real with themselves, they can never be ready to get real with you. Additionally, if you are ready for something real then not only should you pay attention to these clues, you should also start looking at you too. You are the common denominator in the equation that is love. Stay tuned for part two of this article where I discuss how to start getting real with yourself in order to attract the love you want from someone else.