One of my older sisters is getting married this August. She is the first sister to be married. And before I begin a salty rant, I want to start by saying I could not be happier for her because I sincerely like the man she is marrying. I’m excited for them to make their life together official, and ultimately have kids so that I will be the cool aunt I know I’m capable of being. I’m going to be that aunt who gives the sex talk and provides condoms and takes the kids on daring and adventurous outings, letting them buy and eat and do whatever their tiny hearts desire.
But back to the wedding and the inevitable conflict that is about to be discussed: I get to bring a plus-one, which sounds super fun and great except for one problem: I’m not in a relationship nor am I anywhere close to having a man of that manner in my life. I am only twenty-one years old, but I feel this pressure to find a proper date for her wedding. It is probably because my other older sister has had a boyfriend for almost two years, so naturally she is bringing him and has nothing to worry about.
In December, I started talking to my ex again. Bad idea. But he did a complete 180 and was extremely nice and chatty to me, until he did another 180 in a matter of weeks and became an asshole again. Needless to say, that relationship is now permanently over.
Looking back on it, I realize that I gave him another chance and tried harder to make things work again because I subconsciously wanted a date to my sister’s wedding. Things were comfortable with him but he didn’t exactly treat me right and he ended up saying some pretty mean things. He wasn’t right for me. I unfortunately realized that a little too late. I was (and am) hung up on him for many reasons, but I now recognize one of those reasons was partially the hidden desire to make things good again between us so I’d have a date for a wedding eight months later. Silly right? I know. I got trapped in the mentality of settling. And that’s not me at all. I’m never one to settle. I’d rather be single than be with the wrong person. It’s hard though, because I do know what it’s like to be in a relationship, and I delight in that feeling.
I reactivated my Tinder account recently. Usually I only use it when I’m drunk, but I’ve been using it sober. So weird. I considered writing in my biography: “Disclaimer: looking for a date to my sister’s wedding,” but decided otherwise. I want to seem funny, not desperate, even though I admittedly may be a tad of the latter.
So, I keep ferociously swiping left and right but with little to no success. The guys I do match with and actually find attractive don’t message me. And I rarely message first. I’m a safe person. I don’t take chances often. From the lack of messaging going on, I have therefore come to the conclusion that guys only use the app in order to feel better about themselves from the number of matches they get. I’m clearly not a Tinder kind-of-girl, but I’m giving it a second chance. I did have success on it before, miraculously. Although, that success I had was with my asshole ex-boyfriend whom I mentioned before. Man, he gets a lot of page time for being such a thorn in my life.
People always say that you find someone when you’re least expecting it. But I don’t exactly expect to find anyone in the college hookup culture I live in, and the “finding someone when you least expect it” thing is not working for me.
I have seven months to find a date. Seven months. It’s a long time right? But this weirdly stresses me out. At this rate, I’ll either bring a friend to the wedding or ride solo. Lord knows I’ll be drunk at the reception either way. And most of the time, alcohol is better than a date anyways.