One pill: half green, half white. I was prescribed it in January when told I met several of the symptoms of depression. Feelings of sadness, emptiness, or unhappiness. Loss of interest. Tiredness. Changes in appetite, weight. Feelings of worthlessness. Trouble concentrating. Frequent thoughts of death. Who knows if it really works? All I know is that it has been six months since I started taking the pill, and although I’ve been through a lot else to get to this point, I don’t dare go off of it. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
My journey to finding myself again involved alcohol. Lots of alcohol. Doctors say not to drink alcohol while taking an antidepressant, but that’s a difficult task for a depressed person. Alcohol changes you. At least, it changes me. I become a different person when I’m drunk: a person who is free, unafraid, and living for the moment. I learned a lot those drunken nights at college, good and bad, about myself and the girl I wanted to become.
Sometimes, you have to laugh at your own situation. I became “Lucy 2014” because of one drunken night, and from then on out embraced every minute of it. [Insert Your Name Here] 2014 and start living. This can be your year. You’re sad and you want chocolate? Eat five cookies and joke about it later.
With depression, you find out who your real friends are. You also find out who your real friends aren’t. This can be tough to discover, but it makes you appreciate your true friends all the more. They are there for you. They don’t treat you any differently for knowing your secret. They know there are worse days than others, but they’re willing to sit with you in silence while you stare at the wall and try to figure out your next step. They wait for you because they believe in you.
Obviously something in your life isn’t going right or you wouldn’t feel quite so sad. Instead of wallowing in your sorrows, slowly get up the courage and the effort to do something about it. Appreciate what is going right in life, and what makes you happy. Do something bold. Pierce your ear, cut your hair, join that club you’ve always wanted to, check out that random corner store, make a collage, go for a bike ride, sit under the stars, say hello to a new person each day. Live for something. Don’t let sadness define you.