So you want to know why I’m always so clingy and jealous? Why I can’t stand you talking about another girl? Why I can’t bear the thought of not being able to go out with you during the weekends? It’s not because I’m that stereotypical
“crazy girlfriend.” It’s because I want to know that I mean something to you.
Maybe you just don’t get it because you don’t feel how I feel. You don’t question your self-worth every single day. You don’t wonder:
“Am I good enough for her?”
“What if she doesn’t really love me?”
“What if I’m just a burden that she feels obliged to hang out with?”
But I think about it every single day. I constantly worry that you’ll leave the second you think I’m not good enough for you.
Because you don’t tell me that you love me very often. Even if you did, I wouldn’t believe you. I don’t see myself as someone worth loving, or even being around. So that’s why the longer you stay with me, the more I worry that your patience with me has finally reached its limits.
That’s why I freak out whenever you talk about another girl. Because I’m worried that one day, this girl is going to get deeper and deeper into your life and eventually drive me away from you.
I’m always so clingy and jealous because I’m terrified of being replaced.
When you become as used to being an option as much as I have, you tend to protect the only meaningful relationship you have with your dear life.
I know this all sounds like I’m blaming you for not understanding me, but really I just want to explain myself. I’ve been fighting my inner demons long before I met you, and these demons have been telling me that I don’t deserve to be with anyone. They told me that my presence is a pain to others.
And over time, I believed them.
You are the first person to go up against my inner demons, giving me your warmth and patience. So for once I feel like I have a fighting chance, but I can’t do it without you.
That’s why I strive to be the best girlfriend that I can be: so that I’m good enough for you to stay. I don’t want any girl to treat you better than I do.
I want to be the one that brings a smile to your face. I want to be the one who motivates you to overcome the obstacles of life and carry on. I want to be the one you think about as you go to sleep because there would be no better way to end the day. You are all these things to me.
I love you so much and I cherish every single joy and blessing you’ve brought into my life. I can only hope that I mean as much to you as you do to me.
So the next time you think I’m being unreasonably jealous, just know that I not doing it to restrict you.
I’m doing it to free me.