You Were A Lesson I Had To Learn

woman deep in thought
Crystal Shaw

I was walking by a random street at a random time when I first saw you again. And wow, you look great. And if I am being painfully honest, you look even better.

It’s been a while since I saw you. It’s been a while since we broke up. Has it been weeks? Months? Maybe years? I don’t know. I can’t remember. But I remember us.

I remember how we loved each other and I remember how that same love died. I remember how it was a Monday afternoon, while I was on my way home, when you sent me that breakup text. Heck, I even remember how humid it was that day. And how it rained so hard that night. I remember how I cried as I reminisced on the careless promises that you easily broke. And I remember how much I doubted my capability to make you happy and how I made excuses for your mistakes. I remember how I had so many unanswered questions and how desperate I was for closure.

I remember a lot about us, but I don’t remember the pain anymore.

I don’t remember the pain because I answered the doubts you left in my heart on my own. I closed every door of possibility of what we could have been. I stopped waiting for a love that would never come back. I stopped justifying the scars you’ve inflicted when you left.

I don’t remember the pain anymore because I’ve moved on.

I’ve moved on by admitting to myself that although I never want to meet a guy like you ever again, I don’t regret the love we had. Because the love that we had, selfish as it may have been, painful as it may have been, toxic as it may have been, that love made me better.

That love made me realize that moving on is not forgetting. That moving on is about being free: free from the negative emotions that once consumed my nights and devoured my soul. Moving on means that I have accepted you as a mistake and at the same time, a part of my life that I can always look back to. You were no longer hatred or anger or insecurity. Instead, you were just tiny bit of sadness, a reminder of forgiveness, and an experience that gives me strength. You were no longer a symbol of regrets and of choices that I didn’t make. You were a mistake I had to commit to help me grow and realize that I’ve always had the strength to stand on my own.

You were a temporary person who brought a lifelong lesson and I’m happy I met you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I overthink a lot so my brain metabolizes a lot of glucose.

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