Most people assume that people with anxiety are too difficult to love but the truth is, it all roots down to people not understanding how uncontrollable anxiety can be to us. We love sincerely and honestly. And we love hard. But our love doesn’t come as easy because the fear of uncertainties always overwhelms us before a relationship could even start.
We admit, our walls are not easy to break through but here’s how you can start.
1. Love us slowly. Don’t rush things. More often than we want to, we have the tendency to believe in fast and painful endings. We always assume for the worst because we’re used of things screwing up and we’ve blamed ourselves for them. We want the guarantee that you’re serious enough to be patient.
2. Don’t shower us with words that are too good to be true. We don’t believe in them and we reject them like we reject any form of positivity. Be honest with us because we value the truth more than careless sensitivity. We’ve blindly believed in people who gave us empty promises in the past and that has been a tough road. But we’ve pieced ourselves back after getting disappointed over sweet words and thoughtless assurance. Please understand that we’re anxious not by choice but by experience.
3. Keep things about us private. We don’t like the unnecessary attention that comes along with public displays of affection. It makes us uneasy because of the numerous eyes that pry on something that’s supposed to be private and shared only between two people. It also creates the burden of conforming to what they expect us to be based on what they hear and see. We want a love that doesn’t have to fit in any other person’s definition of love but ours. More than anyone, we want to love carelessly but we can’t do that with an audience.
4. It’s the constant and small acts of love that slowly opens our hearts. We don’t need grand gestures for us to feel loved and treasured. What we’ve always longed for is consistency and the small acts of love are always the ones that tend to last longer. We want a love that’s constant, not boastful. A person’s consistency in his efforts and actions is like a commitment that they’ll love us, always. It relieves the doubts and it assures us that you’re not just another temporary person.
5. Don’t try to change us. We want to be someone who can make us feel comfortable despite our insecurities. The people that came before you, they’ve left us scars that mutilated our self-worth. They left us defeated and doubtful. But don’t worry because we’re not saying that we’ll always be doubtful and anxious. What we’re saying is that change takes time and we want the trigger to come from within and not because we were forced or intimidated to do so. We don’t get better overnight but we constantly work on it every day.
6. Be patient. We know it seems hard to get through us but once you tear down our defenses, you’ll see nothing but a person who’s just waiting for someone who can make us wear our hearts on our sleeves and make us love confidently again.