What It’s Really Like To Live With Unseen, Chronic Depression

Zach Guinta
Zach Guinta

If you saw her at school or outside the house, you’d probably never guess that she was diagnosed with chronic depression. Most people probably haven’t even seen her mad at something or someone. You’d see her talking endlessly about unimportant events and laugh like everything in her world was at its right place. But that’s the thing, her world was nowhere near everyone’s general assumption.

Every day, she’s faking that everything’s alright when it is anything but that.

You probably don’t know much about chronic depression. It’s milder than clinical depression but it lasts longer. It has similar symptoms and are less severe but at some point, may also lead to major depression. It’s also called dysthymia or persistent depressive disorder. And you probably would’ve never thought that a psychiatrist told her that she’s been experiencing this for atleast eight years. Eight years. For eight years, she beat herself up because others called her out for being too sensitive. For eight years, she secretly hated herself for being so emotionally unstable.

For eight years, she fought with some of the darkest times of her life alone and without fully understanding why it was so hard for her to love herself.

And to be honest: knowing what you’re battling against, doesn’t make the fight any easier. She knows what she has to do and she understands the kind of thoughts she needs to avoid, but these same thoughts come to her as easily as breathing. She’s lived her life believing that these thoughts defined her worth and her value as a person. Every day, she continues to struggle in making herself genuinely believe that she was enough. Every day, she fights her thoughts on suicide. Every day, she tells herself that she wants to be strong and independent on medication.

Every day, she cries herself to sleep because she knows she’s nowhere near as strong as she wants to be.

And at the same time, every day, she acts like nothing’s wrong when in reality, she continues to have secret episodes of harming herself.

You probably would’ve never guessed that this girl I’m talking about is your seat-mate in class. Or your friend who always has the brightest smile on her face. Or a family member. Or maybe this girl I’m talking about is not even a girl.

This could be anyone. This can happen to anyone: including you, including me.

And the least we can do for the people who secretly fights internal battles every day is to be sensitive and caring and kind and understanding. Let’s help them with their struggles by showing them sincere kindness and genuine love. TC mark

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