A Eulogy For The What Ifs We Need To Let Go Of

Today, we commemorate the resentment we have in our lives. The truths we fear to acknowledge. The mistakes we’re afraid to bury. The people we’re afraid to let go. The end we’re stuck on and the beginning we’re missing.

When we get attached to someone, we lose certain parts of ourselves. When we lose them, those parts are taken away from us, leaving a void in ourselves waiting to be filled up by others.

The only comfort we offer ourselves from all the losses we had is when we think of the what ifs, when we create another version of the decision that we already made, thinking it could make another difference.

How we always wonder about it. For the road that we didn’t take, for the lost opportunities, for the choices we didn’t make or didn’t choose to. For the last hug we forgot to offer. For the last I love you we forgot to say.

Maybe one “what if” could make a difference.

What if I took the risk?

What if I told him I love him?

What if I was there for her before she left?

What if I said yes?

Sadly, the most painful goodbyes are those left unsaid, those that were never explained.

But the truth is, our what ifs can’t give us another moment where we can try again. Our what ifs can’t get back what we already lost or bring back the memory we should’ve had. Our what ifs can’t bring back the dead as we hope for another laugh with a loved one. Our what ifs can’t restore the self-worth we’ve lost. Our what ifs can’t bring back anything we desire.

This is where we are.

Standing at the same place we were left. Still stuck at this very same place, waiting for some miracle to hit us. The only time that we can change it and make a difference is when we learn to step our feet forward, to take one full step and then another until we reach another point in our lives where we can finally try again but with a new slate, free from all the hurt and angst from the past.

If we spend our life looking for answers to questions that were never asked, it’ll take all the good times we could’ve created with new people. It’ll snatch all the good memories we could’ve had with others, the opportunity to meet other people, and chance to start over and try again.

We don’t need to fill up holes with resentment, we need to stitch them up with courage, with truth, and acceptance. That’s the only time we will feel whole again.

Your what if can’t save what has already happened. We can only endure pain, accept the truth, live with it, and move on. 

Anything we lose comes in another form. All we need to do is to take courage to venture again in order to find it.

So today, here is a farewell. This is for the good and bad memories we had in the past, the mixture of bliss and hurt, or the combination of both. This is for our last goodbye to everything that used to matter before but needs to be buried deep along with the empty promises and broken dreams that will never happen. May our what ifs rest in peace and find closure in the hands of our beloved.

Today, we are welcoming certainty. Here, a new life awaits us. Like another brand new day to try again. And the only thing we need to do is to embrace it and live it.

About the author
A Physical Therapy student who likes creating ventures in her own terms. Follow Lourdes on Instagram or read more articles from Lourdes on Thought Catalog.

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