Day-ruiners are a bitch. You know the ones, your boss at work, that friend who has let you down one too many times, that guy that isn’t texting back, that job that you hate…. In this thing that we are so lucky to have called life many day ruiners exist, challenges that test our resolve, tolerance and often our claim to sanity.
Perhaps many of the following are self explanatory to some but for 28 years I have been going through life dwelling, worrying and generally letting day ruiners do just that. Now I’ve taken my days back. Because they are the only ones that I have got.
1. Do not contact your day-ruiner (unless it’s life or death).
Goes without saying really doesn’t it? But on those occasions when a person has a power over your emotions,often the best thing we can do is to cut contact, as when we do contact them they may not give us the answer we want or (to ones frustration) may not answer at all. Not to mention that contacting this person is keeping them fresh in our minds and memories.It is not about taking the power back as my friends and I have often said about such occasions, it is about not giving it to them in the first place. Or go one step further and…
2. Keep busy.
If you are a dweller like me then most of your time may be spent thinking, what the person is doing. Why don’t they want to talk to me? Why would they treat me this way? I thought we were friends? Was it something I did? Is there something wrong with me? Everyone is different and have different ways of reacting to/interpreting things. But if someone is beating down on that tired brain keep yourself busy. Do the things you like doing, see the people who make you happy, bake a cake or why don’t you…..
3. Try something new?
Getting a new hobby gives you something to focus on and who knows, you might even discover something new that you are either really good at or that you really enjoy doing that you may never have even considered. I have taken up dance classes, painting and cycling all since my last low point and you know what I am good at at least one of those things. Who knows you may become so busy with your new hobby that you will be all like; day-ruiner who?
4. Challenge yourself.
Work it, make it, do it. Makes us harder better, faster, stronger…. Kayne kind of has a point there. Perhaps you have always wanted to take part in that 10 km marathon but have never had the time, perhaps you want to drop a dress size, get the ball rolling with that new business idea. Make it work. Giving myself a challenge not only gave me something to focus on thus taking my mind off my day-ruiners, it made me feel damn good when I achieved my goal. Challenging yourself, setting goals, sticking with something and achieving it helps you to become a more well rounded person. As a more well rounded person you are then in turn is less likely to focus on negativity, because you are too busy focusing on improving yourself. Just saying.
5. Be positive!
This sounds like a no brainer but it wasn’t until I started a language exchange with a eerily positive guy that I realised how negative I can be when something is getting me down. He instructed me to try and not complain about anything for one whole day. Still working on that, but as he pointed out just uttering those negative clauses can be enough to bring you down and keep you there. Smile, the facial feedback hypothesis states that this particular muscular action can send signals to your brain that trick you into thinking you actually are happy. Fancy that.
I have turned into a bit of a fitness freak as of late. I have always liked working out and playing sports but I always made excuses, I didn’t have the time, the gym was too far, it was boring, nobody will come with me blah blah blah. Now I work more hours than ever yet I workout almost every day of the week, be it at the gym or cycling to work. Why has my attitude changed? Because my job and life became so stressful it was my release.. The reward of wind in my hair as I whizz down the hill after the sense of accomplishment that was sweating my way to the top of it never fails to put a smile on my face. Those endorphins help too. So whenever negativity is getting a hold, get out there, if anything those happy hormones are sure to give you the boost you need to switch back to positive mode.
7. Make changes, no matter how drastic.
That person in your life that you care about treating you like shit, ignoring your texts and only getting in touch when they want sex. Delete their number then because guess what? They don’t care about you. That job that you are in exploitative at best, torturous at worst? Sometimes you just have to take the plunge (within reason), often we neglect job hunting when we work full time because we quite simply do not have the time, or we are tired.
8. Don’t only treat others how you want to be treated, treat yourself how you want to be treated.
By this I mean, if there is someone or something that is treating you how you don’t deserve to be treated then let it go, life is too short. Its all about respect and if you want people to respect you, you have to respect yourself first. Don’t take any shit.
9. Take some down time.
With all that rushing around, trying new things, pushing yourself to be a better person to reach your goals, you may find all of a sudden that so much is going on you don’t really have time to yourself. You time is very important. In order to maintain balance and our mental health it is definitely necessary to take a step back, remove yourself from outside interferences. Meditate. By this I don’t mean cross your legs complete with a cowbell and incense uttering ohmmm in an ominous tone. Just take 10 minutes, clear your mind and focus on your breathing. Do this everyday to add some inner calm to your life.
Day-ruiners are always going to be there, those worry mongering niggles, those people who just sit there on your chest, pushing you down willing you to stay inside wrapped in a blanket, a stranger to the outside world. Not only do we need to take our mind off these things and focus on the positive it is also necessary to be the best that we can be, as to be at one with oneself, it is inevitable that with such new-found positivity, the positive will be attracted to us, rather than the negative.
Life is always going to give us lemons, its up to us to turn them into that delightful buttery biscuit based cheesecake. Yes a little on the bitter sweet side, for, nothings perfect.