14 Things To Do When You Want To Be A Complete Jerk And Treat Her Like Shit

jon hamm in bridesmaids

1. Confuse her as much as possible. Tell her you aren’t looking for anything serious, but don’t treat her that way. In fact, you should take her on dates, let her meet your family and friends, and you should even throw in a few sleepovers now and then. Hold deep conversations with her and make her think you’re comfortable around her. Tell her you want to hang out but don’t follow up. Just say, “let me know when you’re free”. This way she is the one who must reach out to you.

2. Don’t text her too much. When you do text her, make sure you wait several hours between responses. Only text when you want to get together and keep your responses short. Try to get by with just an Emoji or two if possible. Never, ever text her just to see how she’s doing. Strive to have at least one week in between conversations.

3. Only hang out with her on the weekends. Again, remember, you’re trying to confuse her. She needs to know that you want to spend time with her, but only at your convenience. No weeknight dinner or movie dates. Keep the dates to a minimum.

4. Do not add her on SnapChat. But if you do, make sure all conversations are held there where they cannot be traced or screenshotted without notice.

5. You must never tell the truth. Lying is the ultimate priority. Never give straight answers.

6. Everything is on your terms only. If Wednesday or Sunday are the only nights she is free, this is irrelevant because this is about you. Tell her you’ll come over on Friday, at 2am, after she gets home from hanging with the girls. You’re only linking up for one reason anyway, let her accommodate your needs.

7. Show off your skills. Skateboarding and snowboarding are a definite plus. If you don’t have one, buy one and become an expert. Passion is extremely attractive.

8. Never leave comments on her Instagram or Facebook. You don’t want people to know you two are actually talking or hanging out. You can’t keep multiple girls lined up if they find out there’s more than one. If she asks if you’re seeing anyone else, keep your answer vague. Something like, “you know you’re my number one!”.

9. If you see her out in public, do not acknowledge her. It doesn’t matter if she was at your house the week before, pretend you do not know her.

10. Always keep a trail of breadcrumbs. If you haven’t talked in a few days or weeks, go “like” one of her Instagram pictures. This will ensure your constant presence in her mind. When you do talk to her again, do not acknowledge that you’ve just disappeared for two weeks.

11. Always tell her you’re super busy at work. How can she argue that? It’s the textbook excuse. Present yourself as the epitome of “stressed-out”. This way she will feel bad for bringing it up.

12. Stay busy on your phone when you’re together. Then she will know that you’ve obviously seen the messages she sent that you never responded to. Remember- confusion is key. Oh, and when you don’t respond to her, make sure you post something on Facebook or Instagram shortly after, so she knows you’re actively using your phone. (Selectively)

13. Never take a photo with her. She may post this image on social media and we’ve already covered what happens in that situation. Your “relationship” must be kept discreet.

14. Make her feel lucky. Give her compliments. Take her to dinner. Tell her she’s special. Then don’t text her for three months. When she brings it up, tell her you’ve got a lot going on or basically anything you think she wants to hear. Lie. The goal is to make her feel guilty. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

fierce, feisty, fun.

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