1. When I rejected him, he went on this tirade about how all women are shallow and I only turned him down because he’s fat.
“I’m a barista. I had a regular ask me out a while back. He’s kind of a creepy guy who has a reputation for being a ‘starer’ and likes to try to make small talk with the women there even when they’re obviously busy doing their fucking jobs. I try to avoid talking to him as much as I can but he seems mostly harmless.
When I rejected him, he went on this tirade about how all women are shallow and I only turned him down because he’s fat. Note that I’m engaged and wear a ring, so he was barking up the wrong tree in the first place. I basically told him that he was the shallow one because he only asked me out because he thinks I’m pretty, given that I’m not even nice to him. Shut him up.”
2. It gets kind of scary when people confuse obsession for love.
“The worst ‘Nice Guys’ are the ones who don’t give up. It’s one thing to turn someone down and have them back off, but I’ve had some people who refuse to give up. I think a lot assume that they will eventually win you over like some kind of rom com but it’s usually just creepy.
A guy who lived in my dorm my freshman year of college professed that he loved me one day because it was killing him seeing me get close with another one of our friends. I let him down but he continued to pursue me for the next 6 months. He wrote me poems and would play me songs that reminded him of me, and would tell me I’m beautiful and perfect in Italian (a language we share) when other people were present. He even told me that he didn’t know if he could live without me and kind of threatened to harm himself if we didn’t date.
Even when I started dating someone else this behavior continued until he decided there was another girl he was in love with.
It gets kind of scary when people confuse obsession for love.”
3. When I say he followed me everywhere, he would actually follow me everywhere.
“I was a student in a new school during sophomore year, and this guy began following me around school and would not leave me alone because I let him sit next to me in history class one day. In the middle of a conversation with anyone, even if I was the one talking, I would get a constant poke on the shoulder until I acknowledged him. Ignoring didn’t work. When I say he followed me everywhere, he would actually follow me everywhere. He did some other creepy things like drawing a picture of me in class, then giving it to me afterwards with a good ole ‘guess who this is,’ and hugging me out of the blue in front of people just to prove to them that he could ‘hug a girl.’ At this time I was on crutches and didn’t really have a choice. He would manipulate me by texting that I was the only reason he had any faith in girls, and he practically hated one of the girls that became my close friend because of some weird sounding past history of her rejecting him (she was much more blunt than I was).
I felt so bad if I didn’t respond because he told me I was one of the only people who talked to him. And then I started to see an angrier side of him, where he told me about these other girls that stopped messaging him, and he said that he found one of them on Facebook, but she’s not responding to him, and why wouldn’t she respond to him? He would say that her current boyfriend doesn’t care about her the way he should, and, of course, this was all completely one-sided so I didn’t have anything to say, not knowing the facts. If I said something accidentally wrong, he would tell me I was being really mean. (for example, he would say ‘guess who I talked to today?’ and I knew two girls that he talked about constantly. So I asked if it was the one he was recently talking about, and he got really offended, like I purposefully was being rude to him. There was no backstory that I had heard that should have made him upset by this, just that he missed her.) And he would get upset, and then apologize, and keep texting over and over until I responded.
He would also treat me like an idiot because he was a programmer. Look dude, I grew up with a dad who fixed computers for a living. My brothers and I can usually pick up things pretty quickly when it comes to technology, but I don’t lie when I don’t know something, so I would ask questions when he used certain terms. He would say things like, ‘I wouldn’t expect you to understand it,’ and ‘I’ll use simpler terms for you.’ Not sure if it was because of my timidness or the fact that I had the audacity to ask questions, but he must have thought I was stupid. I wasn’t going to stop texting him and then have to face him at school though, so I continued to respond to his conversations until the next year, when I transferred to online school. My brothers were worried about this too, and asked me to slowly stop talking to him and block his number for my safety, and also his Facebook profile.
3 years later and I receive a screenshot from a high school friend, who got a message from Mr. Creep, asking about ways to get in contact with me, and also mentioning that I have blocked him on Facebook. What I don’t understand is, if he knew I did, then why didn’t he just take the hint? And he’s somehow found my email that I never gave him. I received a message asking if we could talk sometime. I didn’t respond, and hopefully it’ll stop there. The only thing I’m worried about is a confrontation if I run into him in public. But hey, I’ve got 2 giant brothers and more than a few honorary brothers that go with me places. I’ll be aight.
But, for the record, most of the guys that I surround myself with are pretty gentlemanly. There are still a lot out there. Just beware of creeps! On the bright side, I have a quiet, pretty geeky friend that I actually really care about and I hope he feels the same way as I do. Definitely not saying that all guys are like the above story! Just watch out for red flags and don’t be a pushover like me, I guess.”
4. He immediately threatens to hurt my family members, of whom he has the names on Facebook. He also reminds me that he knows where I go to school.
“I met this guy online who offered to help me learn his native language. Every day I would send him journal entries and he would correct them for me. I offered to help him as well but he said just chatting with me in English helped enough.
A few weeks into this he says he is going to visit the city that I live in and says we should meet. I tell him I’d rather we didn’t because I have a boyfriend (which I had already mentioned many times) and I think he might be looking for a date. He insists that he only wants to meet as friends, but I tell him I am busy.
Then suddenly he calls me saying he has arrived and has brought some American chips for me (I had mentioned before that I really missed American chips). I agree to meet him for coffee, to find that he has bought me TONS of gifts, including wine and wine glasses. I politely reject the gifts but he insists that I must take them because his arms are sore from carrying them. I quickly have coffee with him during which he tells me he must marry a white girl because the girls in his country are all shallow, and he wants his children to be powerful and being half-white would make them more powerful. I am a white girl. I make an excuse to leave because I am uncomfortable.
I text him to tell him that I don’t think we should be friends anymore because I think he is looking for more and it makes me uncomfortable. He immediately threatens to hurt my family members, of whom he has the names on Facebook. He also reminds me that he knows where I go to school. Terrified, I block him on all platforms. Four years later and he still makes attempts to contact me via his mom and brother’s cell numbers.
For those who are asking, this happened in Korea and the guy was Korean.”
5. He flipped my desk over and told me I was a bitch and I should have said ‘yes’ because he’d treat me well.
“A self-proclaimed ‘Nice Guy’ asked me out in high school. We had never spoken once or even sat next to each other (we shared one class, but he was on the other side of the room). He asked me out, I said I wasn’t allowed to date, he kept persisting and telling me that we could sneak around. I told him I was not interested in dating him or anybody else and that I just wanted to focus on school. He flipped my desk over and told me I was a bitch and I should have said ‘yes’ because he’d treat me well. You know, because he was so nice he just flipped my desk over for saying ‘no’ to him.
He drove past my house for a while. I think he followed my school bus in his car. The drive-bys continued for a few weeks. And hang up calls. Finally he left me alone for about a month. He stalked 2 girls after me, pulled a knife on one. Her dad was the sheriff. Police found a few knives and a hit list in his locker with dozens of girls’ names on it and I was #3. He went away for a while, but came back towards the end of the year (I don’t know how this was even allowed, but it was over 20 years ago). The school told us girls to avoid being alone in the halls and to avoid him. That was it. I was going home sick one day between classes and was getting my things from my locker and he popped out of nowhere and asked me if I was sick, I said I was and to please leave me alone, and he said ‘Good, I hope you die!’ and slammed my locker door on me. The tiny, elderly school secretary heard him and came to my rescue and chased him off. After that he was booted from our shared class, but allowed to finish the school year.”
6. This guy wasn’t actually nice. He was an asshole.
“This guy I had in my chemistry class was obsessed with me for some reason. We had hardly spoken other than me asking him some questions about an experiment, but one day he brought me flowers. I said it was very sweet of him but that I had a boyfriend. That wasn’t a lie. Well, the semester came to a close and he sent me a final text of ‘If you’re ever stressed, I could give you a massage if you’d like ;)’ and I’m like wtf dude but just replied ‘Uhhh… no thanks’ and hoped I’d never need to see him again.
Lo and behold, he’s in my goddamn ecology class next semester. His obsession was absolutely lit aflame and he, without me ever leading him on as far as I know, told me how he was so depressed and attempted suicide so many times and how the thought of me kept him from wanting to die and I’m like holy shit if I block his number and he kills himself, is it my fault?
I tried the best I could to convince him that he was worth something and tried to help him with his depression because I felt like it was a human thing to do, but eventually just realized that I’m not responsible for him and just had to block his number. If he did kill himself, he had pre-existing issues that had nothing to do with me.
Before I blocked his number, he just kept sending these messages about how I saved him and that he cares about me and that he loves me and it made me so sick because I HAVE A boyfriend. This frickin’ guy knew it. But despite me asking him to please stop saying that shit, he wouldn’t. He said ‘Too bad, it’s the way I feel.’ That’s the phrase that really sealed the deal that this guy wasn’t actually nice. He was an asshole.”
7. He basically went on a Facebook rampage about how women are sluts that pass on nice guys like him constantly.
“I’ve had multiple run ins with Nice Guys™️ but one that really stands out to me happened when I was in my early teens.
I started talking to him because his seat was across from mines in class, and he was easy to talk to. After about a week, he sent me multiple long Facebook poems about how I’m the most beautiful Asian girl he’s ever met, and how meeting me has changed his life. Not through a PM – but posted on my wall. At the time, I knew that shit was wrong on multiple levels but didn’t really know WHY, so I kind of ignored how creepy it was altogether.
I shot him a PM and told him in the best way I could that I didn’t feel that way about him, but I thought the poems were lovely and appreciated it. He flipped out on me, accusing me of using him and leading him on which actually guilted me into going on a date with him because I really did feel awful. The date was awkward, I couldn’t get into it, or him. We barely talked and he would barely even look me in the eye!
I told him the same night I didn’t think we could be more than friends and… the next day he spread rumors about how I sucked his dick on the date. When I STILL wouldn’t date him after those rumors had spread, he basically went on a Facebook rampage about how women are sluts that pass on nice guys like him constantly.
Yeah. Fun times.”
8. I got a tirade of 20+ texts ranging from ‘I’ve been nothing but nice to you, how could you do this” to ‘you’re clearly a dumb monkey slut.’
“I feel like internet dating brings out the worst of them. Had a guy start off a message with ‘you seem awesome but too bad you only go for preppy guys.’ What? Are we twelve? Also literally nothing in my profile about having a ‘type.’ Turns out he was just trying to get my attention. Well, it worked, but with an opener like that there’s nothing you can say to make me attracted to you.
There was another guy who was super aggro. I thought something was a little weird because of the age gap (I was 23 and he was 35) but didn’t think too much of it. We talked for a week and had not yet met up due to my work schedule. He tried calling me one night (which idk why but that was a turn off. The situation felt like he was checking up on me? He asked to meet up and I said I couldn’t because I had plans, so then he decided to call me when he knew I was out?). I didn’t answer so he texted and I said I was taking care of a friend. He said that was sweet, and I said yeah, I feel bad because I got him sick.
I got a tirade of 20+ texts ranging from ‘I’ve been nothing but nice to you, how could you do this” to ‘you’re clearly a dumb monkey slut’ (like what? I should clarify, I was working with primates at the time, so I think that’s why he called me a monkey lol). Remember: we had never even had a first date yet.
I let him throw his temper tantrum and came back with, “It was nice talking to you but I’m going to pass on a future date. Your meltdown is a huge red flag to me. You’re not my boyfriend, I haven’t even been SEEING you, so you have no right to get upset at me for hanging out with other guys. Oh, and for the record, my friend is GAY so clearly we’re not sleeping together. I have no interest in getting to know you further. Best of luck to you.”
No shit the next morning he responds ‘then let me take you out Friday.’
‘Now why in the god’s fuck would I do that?’
‘So you can say you got to know me and I can change your mind.’
9. I even started to get scared he was following me home so I never listened to music on the bus or on my walk.
“I had a class with a guy.
We worked on a project together in my first year of uni, and he confided in me about some of his issues and I felt really bad for him.
He sat beside me in class and started messaging me every day, and it was honestly exhausting. I told him I had issues of my own so I wasn’t the best person to talk to, and he should seek out a counsellor, etc.
Over the next few years he started coming up to me more in person in common areas of the campus. I’d politely tell him I had stuff to do and I’d rather work alone, so he’d sit beside me silently until I’d leave. I found him following me around campus on multiple occasions too. I started to realize I should probably limit messaging him back even if it was to tell him ‘leave me alone’ so I wasn’t giving him something to hold on to. So, I started outright ignoring his daily hellos as much as it made me feel bad.
About a year later in the year 4 class we took together he kept turning around and staring at me I swear every 30 seconds. He did it so much that other people in the class started asking me about it. Then one day we were supposed to get up and pitch an idea for a video. He gets up there, pitches his idea then PULLS UP AN IMAGE OF MY FACE and says ‘I want her to play the lead part’ as he clicks through a couple more slides of pictures of me stolen off Facebook.
I was mortified. I’m a very quiet and shy student so I had no idea what to do, I just slunk down in my seat and prayed no one looked at me. After that a good guy friend of mine talked to the guy and told him how uncomfortable he was making me. He seemed to get the message after that-probably because it was another guy saying it.
He never got outright aggressive but his behavior was definitely upsetting to me. I even started to get scared he was following me home so I never listened to music on the bus or on my walk. I did on multiple instances tell him that I didn’t want to talk, he was making me uncomfortable, I had a boyfriend etc. but I should have just been mean to send a clear message. I definitely could have handled it better, but I didn’t want to be rude to him because he was clearly troubled.”
10. This guy just fucking snaps, grabs my coffee, throws it across the street and tells me I’m leading him on and I’m a fucking bitch and then he storms off.
“I forgot my wallet while standing in line at the cafe. I ordered and realized my wallet missing so I said I’ll just zip out to my car and pay when I got back…I was parked right outside. This guy behind me says he’ll pay for my drink and I tried insisting I would pay but he pulled out cash and paid before I could really do anything.
I said thank you and chatted while waiting for my drink. I was on my way somewhere so as I’m leaving he leaves too and asks if he can have my number. I was honest and said I was on my way to see my boyfriend. This guy just fucking snaps, grabs my coffee, throws it across the street and tells me I’m leading him on and I’m a fucking bitch and then he storms off.
I just went to my car and got my wallet and bought my own coffee. The owner saw the whole thing and told me he’s now banned from the cafe. Apparently he’d done similar shit with other women and this was the last straw.”
11. Thanks for ruining a kind gesture with the assumption of getting laid when I am grieving my friend’s death.
“He picked me up and took me to the beach to get me out of my head and not be alone with myself after my friend committed suicide. But I turned away to stare out at the ocean and he came up behind me and started grinding on me. I told him to stop and wanted to go home as this was just making my mood worse now. Get to my house he gets out for a hug goodbye and immediately pulls my face up to his and tries to full-on make out with me. Thanks for ruining a kind gesture with the assumption of getting laid when I am grieving my friend’s death.”
12. I couldn’t even try to be his friend because of how strong and relentless his advances were.
“There was a boy, let’s call him DC. Waaaay back in middle school, 7th grade, he expressed interest in me. I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16, so I turned him down. Once the fateful birthday came around he asked again. I wasn’t interested in dating (little Numeral13 didn’t know what asexuality was yet!) So I turned him down.
Each and every single year he would ask. Whenever we were in the same class, he would flirt. Whenever we were at the same party, flirt. Every. Single. Year. Without fail, until we both graduated high school. Even when he was dating other girls he would still try to get me to go with him places. I couldn’t even try to be his friend because of how strong and relentless his advances were. Other students, friends, even adult women gave me the spiel of ‘he’s so nice, give him a chance! DC is so dedicated, he would treat you right. You’re being such a stuck-up prude.’
It wasn’t until I moved to another city for college and pretty much ghosted my public social media that he finally stopped.”
13. He started stalking me and calling me nonstop and finding new ways to contact me until he was blocked everywhere.
“Self-proclaimed nice guys are almost always awful because they need to enforce their niceness so much, they usually get really dependent on you and try to make you feel guilty constantly for wanting to get away from them for being overbearing. This one dude who was like 28 (I was 18) would unload all of his opinions on me for no reason, get way too (physically) close to me, find reasons to touch me, tell me all of his ideas for books and told me I was gonna be a character in one, would stare at me from across the room constantly, he just generally made me really uncomfortable. Then he forced a hug on me before he got out of the car. It was all gross. I broke up with my ex because he had pictures of other girls on his phone and he started stalking me and calling me nonstop and finding new ways to contact me until he was blocked everywhere. Months pass and I unblock him from Instagram and he messages me a couple months after that about how we broke up cuz he was just ‘too nice.’ Weird.”
14. He showed up with a dozen roses on our second date. I told him it was too much, and I was uncomfortable, but he refused to take them back.
“First guy I ever dated; we were ~15. I told him I was still figuring things out and wanted to take things slow. He showed up with a dozen roses on our second date. I told him it was too much, and I was uncomfortable, but he refused to take them back. We hung out a few times, but I just wasn’t that into him. I said didn’t want to keep dating; we should just be friends. He said okay but then gave me a ‘goodbye’ book that he’d hidden jewelry inside, and he refused to take that back, too. If he texted, I kept things friendly and jokey, never saying anything romantic. I tried to avoid him and even sent him a crappy poem as only teen me could write to tell him to forget about me because I liked someone else (which was true).
Sometime later, it’s prom season. He asks another girl, then finds out I haven’t been asked yet, so he offers to dump her for me. I say it won’t be fair to her and refuse. (I also really don’t want to go with him, but I’m too scared to say this to his face.) He’s super pissed at prom because I went with a guy he hated (and that guy turned out later to be a jerk, but oh well. Still wouldn’t have driven me into my first date’s arms).
Years later, when we are both in college, I go home for a reunion. A girl asks me, ‘Hey, first date used to talk to me about you. I always wondered, why were you leading him on?'”
15. He sent a message that said (and I’ll never forget this), ‘go on then and follow you c*** to greener pastures’ and went on to call me a whore and other such nonsense.
“This is long but I think it’s good to record my thoughts in this issue for anyone that might be in this situation. When I was 17 years old (feeling like a grown lady), there was this 30+ year old man I met while shopping one day. We exchanged email addresses (I didn’t have my own cellphone at the time). Being foolish, I felt mature at having an older man’s attention and didn’t tell anyone about it. After all, in my teenage head, it was totally innocent. He complimented me (I.e. called me mature, responsible, etc.) and never said anything inappropriate… at first anyway.
However, when I turned 18 (just a couple months after that initial encounter), that changed. He started emailing me suggestive and, when I didn’t stop him, eventually explicit messages. I didn’t stop him at the suggestive language because I thought that I was reading too much into it and that his comments were unintentional innuendo (like when you accidentally set yourself up for a ‘that’s what she said’ moment); I thought I was the pervert and that adults would never be so crass. After the explicit messages started, I would ask him to stop and he would go back to the normal friendly chatter of hobbies, movies, etc. However, after a few months, he would get lewd again.
This continued for several months and I stated avoiding my email just because he had made me uncomfortable but I felt guilty when I thought of blocking him. I was scared to tell him ‘stop or I’ll delete you’ because maybe that was immature or maybe it was my fault it was happening. I thought maybe I unintentionally led him on and, if that was the case, I owed him an explanation and an apology. But then I would remember that I told him to stop and he should have stopped…. and around and around we go. Torn and somewhat ashamed, this went on until I got an actual boyfriend which is about the same time the 30 y/o started getting pervy for the final time. I told pervy man that I had a boyfriend and the pervy comments made me uncomfortable. I told him I liked talking to him as a friend but nothing more and apologized for misleading him. He lost it. He sent a message that said (and I’ll never forget this), ‘go on then and follow you c*** to greener pastures’ and went on to call me a whore and other such nonsense. I remember being stunned. I had never had this happen to me in high school or college. It seemed surreal that a grown man I respected at one time would say something so ugly. Moral of the story, whether you are 17 or 70, if you feel uncomfortable, don’t try to rationalize the issue: block the moron.”
16. It was the longest two hours of my life.
“Oh gosh. … here’s the story of my most recent date with a ‘Nice Guy.’
About a month ago things ended with a guy I really cared about. My friends encouraged me to go on dates with other people to keep me busy and my mind off things. I downloaded Bumble, had a few matches, and started talking to a guy we can call Bruce.
Bruce was from the same culture as me, volunteered at the church in his area, and seemed really nice in our few days of chatting. We ended up agreeing that we should grab dinner. He offered to come up to my area as we lived about 45 minutes apart, and even offered to pick me up from my house. I told him that wasn’t necessary, but I did take him up on the offer to have dinner in my neck of the woods.
About an hour before were supposed to meet I get a text saying ‘Hey I hate to do this but can we meet here?’ and sends me a link to a restaurant about 30 minutes away from my house. I respond sure, but thought it was a little weird. He then sends me a link to another restaurant 30 minutes away in the opposite direction. I told him he can choose, it really didn’t matter to me. He chose the second restaurant, and I scrambled to get ready faster since I had to drive a bit further. 15 minutes later he texts me saying that restaurant is closed… and he was going to look for a new restaurant. I simply say let’s just go to the first place he send… he responds with ‘I mean we can. They just have a weak wine selection, and by weak wine selection I mean they don’t have my favorite kind of wine.’
Redditors, it was the moment I knew I shouldn’t have gone on the date. I’m not perfect by any means and I have my corks about some things… But my gut was telling me just to tell him never mind. I felt bad doing that so I just joked and said he’ll live without his favorite wine and I’d meet him there soon.
The date was awful. We couldn’t connect on any topic, and some of the things that came out of his mouth were just so… bizarre. For example
He complained about everything. From his drink to the food he ordered. -Talked about his ex-girlfriend for a good chunk of the date
His main hobby was working out. The exact conversation below: Me: How was your week? B: It was good. I spent most my nights at the gym. Me: Oh wow…. do you work out a lot? B: about two hours every night. But, I don’t do it to look like this (gestures to his body) I do it for the health benefits. But don’t worry (gesturing to my body) I don’t judge other people for their body. Me: (thinking wtf) Uhm yeah, so that’s nice, but I’m not body conscious at ALL. I’m good. I’m happy with who I am. B: Oh well yeah that’s good cause I could never be with someone who wasn’t comfortable in their own skin or was intimidated by my body.
Walking to our cars B: Where is your car? Me: In Valet (it was free valet parking so why not?) B: Oh yeah I parked in their lot but I didn’t trust them driving a manual. So I just drove in and parked Me: They did just fine with my car B: you drive a stick? Me: yup B: oh yeah well I’ve blown out three clutches. I won’t let anyone touch my jeep. Me: Sounds like you shouldn’t be worried about other people driving your car when you’ve gone through three clutches yourself.
I could go on and on. It was the longest two hours of my life. I didn’t talk to him after, but days later he sent me a shirtless mirror selfie…. apparently he thinks he has the body of god (according to the caption) he really just makes me roll my eyes.
He wasn’t a horrible guy. But my Nice guy definitely turned out to be a douchebag.”
17. He eventually asks me out. His words were ‘my parents would never approve of you, but will you marry me?’ Like, NO.
“I’ve had several. This one was my very first.
I’m new to the country, new to grad school and my roommates are jerks. There’s this older PhD student who invites me to stuff. So many events! I go to one, but after that I find it really hard to make it to those parties subsequently because I’m swamped with course work and research. I wonder how all these people get the time to do stuff.
Older PhD student and I become friends and he’s sweet and all. I’m grateful to finally have friends. I’m recently broken up with my long-distance boyfriend so I’m wondering if I should date him and wonder if he feels similarly. So far so good.
This guy then suddenly tells me he received an email from a friend of mine saying I have feelings for him and if he doesn’t reciprocate my feelings, he should let me down gently. I look at that email address and it’s from someone who was on the same mailing list as I was. Not a friend, just an acquaintance. Certainly not anyone who I confide in. It strikes me he googled for my email and when it showed up on a mailing list, he picked another name from the list and spoofed the email to be from him.
This reeks of desperation. I’m turned off. I move on.
He eventually asks me out. His words were ‘my parents would never approve of you, but will you marry me?’ Like, NO.
I minimize contact with him and tell him to move on.
And then after I graduate, I hear what really was going on. Remember those parties I was initially invited to? The other students didn’t party that much. Those events were conducted purely to give him a chance to hit on me. And the reason everyone from our country in grad school seemed to be there was this guy had told everyone he had a thing for me and wanted to create situations where I would hang out with him. I was mortally embarrassed.
And it got even creepier. Apparently when I was posting on the school’s social media page asking for new student advice, he saw my profile and decided then and there that he wanted to date me. And everything from that moment on was engineered to get me to meet him and like him.
And after I turned him down, I had had issues with hobby groups I was a part of. Turned out, he was pulling the strings, spreading rumors about me to them so they would hate me.
I was basically learning that two years of my life were mostly lies.”
18. Turned out he was a cold-blooded sadistic psychopath who enjoyed torturing and killing women with the help of his friend.
“Signed up for an Imgur account and posted a couple of pics of my tats. An arm sleeve and such, nothing even remotely racy and didn’t show my face in either. Kinda tech dumb so I didn’t realize the pics would be public. Got a lot of dick pics and demands for nudes immediately. Was bewildered. I had a couple of ‘nice guys’ on the site explain to me that the pics were public, etc. who also assured me they weren’t the type to send dick pics or ask for nudes ’cause it was creepy. They invested a day in messaging me about all sorts of non-sexual things before finally randomly getting mad that I hadn’t sent nudes of my own volition. Then they sent dick pics just to top it all off.
And back in the day I met one of the nicest, most chivalrous, most polite, most absolutely gentlemanly guys I’ve ever run into, who by all accounts seemed normal, loving, caring, attentive, protective, respectful, and sweet. Held doors for me, walked me to my car, listened intently when I talked like I had his undivided attention. Went out of his way to show me his appreciation for even the little things I did for him. Talked about the future he wanted with me, his family, his goals and dreams and plans, asked me about mine, gazed dreamily into my eyes when we talked about that stuff, and made me feel special for being included in all of it. He complimented me and made me feel beautiful. He worried about me getting home after dates. He held my hand sweetly when we walked together and didn’t push me for sex. He fussed over me and pampered me and was the very definition of a nice guy, and I fell hard for him. I trusted him.
Learned the hardest fucking way possible that every last bit of it was a carefully constructed web of lies-a complete and utter fabrication. His feelings, emotions, actions, even his ‘family’ was made up. He didn’t mean a single word of anything he said or did – and we ‘dated’ for weeks and weeks. Turned out he was a cold-blooded sadistic psychopath who enjoyed torturing and killing women with the help of his friend. One of the most painful and expensive mistakes I have ever made was trusting that man.
I’d rather someone just be an asshole or a jerk or whatever up front. At least I know what I’m dealing with that way. And I rarely trust ‘nice guys’ anymore. It takes an act of God for me to trust anyone.”
19. Apparently when I took more than 2 minutes to message him back I was ‘ghosting’ him, so he went on an endless tirade.
“I matched with a guy on Tinder right before a hair appointment. We sent maybe two messages back and forth before I went inside. My appointment took about an hour, and what do I see when I check my phone after leaving? THIRTY fucking messages from this guy. Apparently when I took more than 2 minutes to message him back I was ‘ghosting’ him, so he went on an endless tirade asking me ‘what the fuck was wrong,’ ‘what did I do,’ telling me that the least I could do is message him back and tell him I’m a shallow bitch who is no longer interested, that all women are fucking whores who only like assholes etc… it was honestly alarming as hell. So I message him back, tell him that I was in a hair appointment, that he was a psycho, and that I was no longer interested. He texted me back, apologized, and tried to convince me for the next 3 weeks to give him another chance. Eventually he threatened to show up at my school if I didn’t respond so I had to block him.”
20. He blew up at me, saying that I was a bitch and that I led him on and that he was perfect for me and treated me the way I deserved to be treated and that I should get over myself and be with him.
“I had a ‘nice guy’ friend in high school that I hung out with a bit. We ended up going to prom together because neither of us were dating anyone, so we went as friends. I thought everything was fine until he dropped me off at my car. He blew up at me, saying that I was a bitch and that I led him on and that he was perfect for me and treated me the way I deserved to be treated and that I should get over myself and be with him anyway because he was in love with me and that nobody would ever treat me as good as he did. It was a nightmare.”
21. He came in every day with gifts I didn’t accept, leaving me notes, constantly following me around while I was working..
“When I was working retail there was a man I helped. Normal stuff. I was friendly and polite and smiled because I was paid to do that as my job and thought nothing of it.
He came in two hours later and asked me out. I declined, because I was a: not interested in him and b: already in a relationship with someone.
He started in on the ”but I’m so nice. I’d treat you better. If we were together you would never have to work.’ I declined again. He told me he wasn’t going to give up.
He did not give up.
He came in every day with gifts I didn’t accept, leaving me notes, constantly following me around while I was working.
My manager had to get involved and ask him to not come in the store any more.
At which point he started spending all day sitting outside the coffee shop opposite my workplace. Then I started seeing him tracking me home.
I didn’t want him knowing where I lived so I started going different directions home and getting picked up by my now-husband or his big friends. He hung around got three months until my biggest friend and my now-husband told him to leave me alone. No violence, but they were bigger than him do I think it scared him.
I did try reporting it but the police said they couldn’t do anything.”
22. He told me about how his depression was so much worse lately and he was just feeling so suicidal and that ‘I wouldn’t want to kill myself if a girl would ever actually like me back…’
“When I was in high school I had this best friend who had come to me and told me he liked me as more than a friend. I politely told him I didn’t feel the same and would be much more comfortable just remaining friends. He said he was okay with this and things almost went back to normal but he started being more withdrawn. Then one day at lunch he was sitting against a wall all alone pouting and I came over to see if he was okay and he told me about how his depression was so much worse lately and he was just feeling so suicidal and that ‘I wouldn’t want to kill myself if a girl would ever actually like me back…’ Took all of my self-control not to kill him myself.”
23. He said he’s been so good to me why can’t we have sex instead? I said no. I said no probably 20 times for 20 different reasons.
“A coworker. I was 16 and he was 21. I told him I wanted to be friends and nothing more. I had been seeing other guys and he knew. We hung out a few times and he always pushed for more but I thought I could keep things from going too far. At a holiday party, I was trying to pursue a friend of his. We were naked in the bed together but hadn’t done anything and nice guy saw.
Cue nice guy finding out and crying and making a scene. I ask what’s wrong and go to his room to see what’s going on. He said he’s been so good to me why can’t we have sex instead? I said no. I said no probably 20 times for 20 different reasons. He did it anyway while I cried and was half off the shitty mattress on the floor. He told everyone at work he hooked up and how good it was.
24. He ran into the bathroom and started slapping my face yelling at me to stop being a stupid bitch.
“Got drugged and sexually assaulted by a nice guy I thought was my friend. He invited me over and made me dinner like he always did. He was always so kind so when he offered a drink I said sure. He went to prepare a drink for me put the drugs in my drink and when I started feeling really sick and went to throw up he ran into the bathroom and started slapping my face yelling at me to stop being a stupid bitch. At this point after throwing up as much as I could I felt so faint I stumbled to the couch where I blacked out. Hours later I woke up naked with him still assaulting me. I told him to stop he did for a moment once he realized that I was awake but continued after I started getting dressed. I was so delirious I just wanted to fucking leave and that’s when he drunkenly tries to block me from escaping by blocking the door and says I’m not allowed to leave. So I attack him to get an opening to escape. I felt like I was going to be killed so I went into survival mode and just said fuck finding my shorts and ran out the house in my shirt and underwear. I don’t know how I managed to get home but I told him what he did through text and said I would never speak to him again which his response was to tell me other girls have tried to get him arrested for doing the same thing but failed to win and that I could go to the cops if I wanted because he didn’t do anything wrong. The guy was so fucking sick in the head he believed he didn’t do anything wrong and denied doing anything. Now I trust no one to make my drinks without me watching.”
25. He takes me to his house, where he proceeds to beat, rape, and torture me.
“He was a lonely guy that just seemed to repel women. He was weird. He was lonely.
He was my boyfriend’s best friend in high school.
He was a really nice guy.
We kept in touch over the years as we grew and I moved across the country. Casually for me, but I knew on his end he really valued the friendship.
I wound up moving home after my divorce with my three children.
He kept wanting to hang out. We did, a few times. He was my buddy, after all.
My dear friend is getting married so I get my buddy a gig as the DJ.
The bride remarks that this guy is strange, but nice.
At the wedding reception I unwittingly ingest grain alcohol. I am dangerously drunk. I find my buddy. I ask him to get me home.
Instead he takes me to his house, where he proceeds to beat, rape, and torture me.
He reveals he’s been obsessed with me for decades.
I manage to escape by convincing him that everything is okay.
‘Nice guy’ was all an act designed to trick me into trusting him.”
26. He would talk about how nice he was, despite being known for throwing temper tantrums, and how other guys didn’t deserve me.
“I had a friend aggressively pursue me for 2-3 months. By aggressively, I mean he would message me every day, where we would argue about why I am not attracted to him and how if I dated him, I’d eventually like him because I already like him as a friend. And then since he lived on the same floor as me (dorms), he’d visit and we would have the same fight in person for hours. Every single day. The entire time, he’s guilting me and making me cry every moment of the day he can. I was exhausted and too naive to tell him to fuck off and cut him out of my life.
Then he tried to ask my roommate if he could stay in our room, she said sure, and when my other friend tried to say she was gonna stay in the same bed as me, he got mad and stayed in his own room. He asked my roommate when I was extremely drunk and passed out in my bed. He woke me up to tell me, as if I would be thrilled (‘Guess who’s staying here tonight…’), and my friend saw my terrified face and jumped in-she’s my hero!
Oh, and yes, he would talk about how nice he was, despite being known for throwing temper tantrums, and how other guys didn’t deserve me.”
27. I think I dodged a bullet.
“In college I knew this guy who was generally pretty weird but also just plain ugly. He acted like a ‘typical’ nice guy. He was really nice, for the most part. But one night he asked me what I was doing. I said homework. Had a paper to finish due the next day. He said that seemed stressful and that he wanted to come over to give me a massage to relieve some of that stress.
I told him straight out that no I didn’t want a massage and I doubt if any girl ever would respond to that and how disrespectful it was to be so uncaring of the fact that my paper was due in less than 12 hours, the last thing I needed was whatever he thought would end up happening and it was actually pretty creepy considering that’s an intimacy level we just weren’t at and it should have been fairly obvious, if he was really my friend like he claims to be, he would have known I don’t like being touched and he would just leave me alone to do my paper instead of trying to get in my pants.
He got mad and I don’t think I actually talked to him again after that.
Later I was talking to this girl who was friends with his roommate. She was couch surfing for a couple of months and ended up staying at his place. She said she woke up one night to him standing over her, completely naked, with his dick hard and pointing straight to the left. She told me it was very scary. I think I dodged a bullet.”
28. It was quite creepy. I’d never told him I liked or even saw him in that way because to be quite frank, he wasn’t my type at all.
“I was around 15 when my first serious bf broke up with me and I was having fun being single and doing my own thing. Well, my ‘best friend’ who was a guy was so in love with me.. It was quite creepy. I’d never told him I liked or even saw him in that way because to be quite frank, he wasn’t my type at all.
One day, we’re hanging out after school and I’m sick and cold. He offers me his jacket that I then throw over my head jokingly mentioning some insider we had.
He grabs one side of the sleeve and throws it over his head as well while laughing before looking into my eyes. Before I could comprehend what happened he kissed me.
I quickly push away then leave but days and weeks following he was apparently telling people I led him on. He’s in love with me. I’m the only one for him. So fucking weird. And.. The real kicker? My ‘friends’ were falling for this shit!!
Apparently he was out saying really stupid lies and they sided with him, calling me stupid names and whatnot. Fuck him.”
29. His messages turned into things like: ‘You’re being stuck up.’ ‘Such a bitch. Just meet me again and you’ll see.’ ‘Can’t believe you’re treating me like this. I’m so nice.’ ‘ANSWER!’
“Definitely not as bad as a lot of the stories on here but I went on a date with a guy from online who turned out to be a Nice Guy.
We had a perfectly pleasant coffee together but I just didn’t fancy him. When I got home he texted to say he had a nice time and asked if I wanted to do it again. I did the classic ‘I had a nice time but I didn’t feel the spark between us’ thing.
He would not accept this at all. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘What does the spark feel like?’ ‘What would I need to change to get the spark with you?’ ‘How can you tell you don’t fancy me after just one date? I want another chance.’ ‘Can you explain exactly why you don’t like me?’ ‘Is it because of how I look?” ‘Is it an age thing? I’m only one year younger.’
Despite my messaging back as helpfully as I could he kept going on about not understanding that I wasn’t attracted to him. I didn’t want to pick out random things to say ‘I didn’t like this or this about you’ because it wasn’t true.
His messages turned into things like: ‘You’re being stuck up.’ ‘Such a bitch. Just meet me again and you’ll see.’ ‘Can’t believe you’re treating me like this. I’m so nice.’ ‘ANSWER!’
Eventually just had to tell him his whining wasn’t exactly helping him become more attractive to me then blocked him. No means no! I’m not going to fall in love with you because I can’t scientifically explain why I don’t.”