5. During a pelvic exam, we found a month-old tampon and a broken condom.
“Crohn’s patient presented with foul-smelling vaginal discharge. We did a pelvic exam expecting a fistula (a tract formed between the colon to the vagina, an unfortunate complication of the disease). Instead we found a month-old tampon and a broken condom.”
6. She got such a bad yeast infection that the doc said when he went in to help her, it was like pulling apart a grilled cheese, same color and consistency.
“One of my instructor’s best friends was an ER doctor and he told a story of an elderly homeless woman who was using rolled-up toilet paper as tampons. She got such a bad yeast infection that the doc said when he went in to help her, it was like pulling apart a grilled cheese, same color and consistency.”
7. She smiles sweetly at me and in a gentle, grandmotherly voice said, ‘Just fold it like a taco, dear, and shove it back in.’
“I had an elderly dementia patient with a prolapsed uterus. I’m not saying she personally had bad hygiene as much as it’s extremely unhygienic to have your uterus hanging out of your vagina. In most cases, it would’ve been surgically removed, but her health was too poor for surgery. She was on antibiotics constantly to counteract the infections she’d get there.
Lucky me, it was my job to put it back inside. I will never forget the first time. The nurse leaving shift gave me a little report, bed so-and-so refused his meds again, there was a fight between our Navy guy and Marine guy again…the usual, in other words. Just as she’s walking out the door she says, ‘oh yeah, the new patient in three. If her uterus falls out, you have to put it back in.’ She’s gone before I can process this statement.
I am doing rounds before bedtime for the residents. I was in three when the lady sneezes. ‘Oh, drat.’ She says, ‘it fell out again.’
I don’t have a weak stomach but what I saw when I unfastened her diaper had my throat twitching with the urge to vomit. I am staring at this….I don’t know, gooey mass of discolored flesh and it was MOVING. Pulsing, something. I was frozen in fascinated horror. She smiles sweetly at me and in a gentle, grandmotherly voice said, ‘Just fold it like a taco, dear, and shove it back in.’
That snapped me out of my horrified trance and I remembered I had a very nice patient who needed me to handle this. I tried to fold it like a taco but it was slippery, and wouldn’t stay and the whole damn time it’s pulsing in my hand. I felt like I could feel her heartbeat. The smell of this infected organ, the texture, the color…oh gag, words cannot describe it. Finally I got it folded up and was trying (delicately) to shove it back in but no, that wasn’t happening. I had to wrap it in my whole hand, then shove it deep inside her. Then, wrist-deep, I had to wiggle and squirm my hand back out without bringing the uterus back out with it.
As you learn quickly in the medical profession, though, you can get used to anything. By the end of the week I could do the whole process in under a minute and then wash up and go to lunch.
Tl;Dr Had to put a woman’s infected uterus back in her body.”
