Found on AskReddit.
Nothing makes me happy besides money.
“Having money and buying stuff with my own money is the only thing that makes me happy. Not people, not relationships, not my achievements.”
I haven’t felt anything in years.
“I’m twenty-eight and haven’t felt anything in years. I make all the right faces at the right times but I honestly can’t remember the last emotion I felt.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m a sociopath, and it’s an idle sort of wonder. I literally couldn’t care less either way.”
There are days that I wake up and I feel like I’m not a real person.
“There are days that I wake up and I feel like I’m not a real person. You know that feeling you get when you’re at a wedding or a party and you have your drink in hand and you’re passing and you’re blending in and everything is cool but there’s this strange melancholy in the back of your head because you feel detached from everything around you? That feeling when you’re throwing rice at a wedding as the newlyweds drive away and you feel happy for them and it’s fine but it’s like…not happening?”
I hid in the closet and watched my dad strangle my mom to death.
“When I was little, I was woken up in the middle of the night by some noise and ran to my parents’ room to walk in on and watch my dad strangle my mom to death. He didn’t see me, and I hid in the closet. He turned himself in later that night. I still remember it as if it was yesterday. My grandma told me a lot about the two when I was a little older. What haunts me the most is, I’m growing up just like he did. I’m going to be another broken person, finally losing it and ruining the lives of those around me, continuing the cycle. I wish he would have killed me too.”
I am a mom of two wonderful children, and I wish I could just die on most days.
“I wish I could just die on most days…I am a mom of two wonderful children. I’m so scared of ruining their lives with my mental illness…I wish I could just die, so their memories of me will be positive.”
I peed on the hardwood floor, told my sister the dog did it, and made her clean it up.
“When I was 10, my sister and I had always fought about stupid stuff. Well one day she started saying that I shouldn’t get a TV in my room even though she got one at age 10 ’cause I would become lazy, and I got pretty mad. We had a dog that she took care of and had to clean up after, so I went to my room and pissed a little on the hardwood floor. Went to my mom and said the dog peed and my sister had to clean up my own piss. Felt pretty shitty after a few years when I realized the kind of disgusting shit I pulled there.”
I was molested by a doctor when I was 10 when I went to the hospital for trying to kill myself.
“I was molested by a doctor when I was 10 when I went to the hospital for trying to kill myself.”
My father let his drug dealer rape me when I was ten.
“My father let his drug dealer rape me when I was 10 to pay off a debt.”
My cousin gave me a blowjob before we knew we were related.
“My cousin gave me a blowjob before we knew we were related.
My immediate family said we were having ‘friends and family’ over for a huge party to watch football, and this cousin was from another state so I didn’t know her or her family. Well, in the basement we have a pool table and when everyone left to watch the game, my cousin and I were still downstairs playing pool and things just escalated from there. Later at dinner, my dad introduced me to his BROTHER, and I immediately was like ‘hold up…shit…’ We don’t regret it, but we definitely are not telling a single person about it.
Now that I type this out, I wonder if she knew we were related.. hmm…”
When we were ten years old, my brother and I explored and touched each other’s bodies.
“When we were ten years old or something, my brother and I explored and touched each other’s bodies. We didn’t have sex and it was ‘consensual.’ but shit, man, that feels weird and wrong…First time I tell someone.”
Got molested by an older cousin as a child.
“Got molested by an older cousin as a child, had horrible depression and anxiety in college when the memories of that resurfaced. It happened at a good age where everything would basically be forgotten for years, but magically came back one day and haunted me for a while.
Good thing is that cousin kind of has a shit life and is no longer a part of my family (thank you, messy divorce).”
My brother and sister—who are twins—have been sleeping with each other probably since they learned sex was a thing.
“I’m covering for twincest. My brother and sister have been sleeping with each other probably since they learned sex was a thing. They went as Jaime and Cersei for Halloween a few years ago, and now everyone jokes about it so much that no one would believe me if I told them.
All I’ve been doing is just collecting favors from them whenever I have to bail them out or allay suspicion. I couldn’t think of what I would do with those favors, other than force my brother to get a vasectomy if that became an issue. I don’t think I could out them at this point without a good reason; they slip up and come close to revealing themselves now and then, but overall their relationship hasn’t been a negative impact on their lives.
They’re both amazingly accomplished, driven individuals. They graduate next year as civil and environmental engineers with promising futures. They have a great relationship with our whole extended family, their own friends, and anyone they meet. On the surface, they’re well-adjusted twins who might seem a little too close if you paid attention but not enough to arouse suspicion. TBF, it’s probably because I know what to look for since I know it’s still happening.”
I’m 49 years old and have never so much as even held hands with a woman.
“I’m 49 years old and have never so much as even held hands with a woman.
I’m in technology, apparently well liked and good at my job; fit enough and in case you’re wondering, not religious. But I did have a severely mentally ill parent and another who was a distant heavy drinker. My sister is probably an undiagnosed histrionic personality disorder who went on to become a stripper.
I guess I grew up in such a way to be rather afraid of other people’s emotions and shut down.
My guess is that I went off the rails quite early. I lived just far enough away from my grade school that I took the bus. In the fourth grade our driver arranged for us sit in specific seats rather than the usual procedure of having us jumping around and screaming the entire ride. As it happens, I was seated next to a rather aggressive personality; rather than request alternate seating arrangements, I walked. Having started, I didn’t take the bus again until I graduated and went to junior high.
I wince as I write this but I guess I assumed at that tender age that no one would care. I remember turning 25 and thinking as I got off a bus that I really ought to get a girlfriend. Well, decades later and I’ve just busied myself with work instead.
Life is a funny thing and we are complicated creatures.”
I don’t feel grief like others.
“I don’t feel grief like others; family members die and I’m sad but I won’t be depressed or angry, I just move on. It kinda makes me feel like a monster honestly.”
I was molested by my youngest brother’s father…I liked the attention.
“I was molested by my youngest brother’s father, the first time around 8-9 and the second time around 13-14.
I’m not ashamed of the act itself, but rather why I allowed it to happen. I liked the attention. My brothers constantly got good attention from him, but the only time he had anything nice to say about me or to me was when I was being told how beautiful I looked, or even how sexy I was.”
Sometimes we ate grass or once even baby aspirin just to have something in our bellies.
“My father tortured and starved, beat and belittled me and my three siblings. My brother died, two siblings remain. We are all so hurt and broken. Sometimes we ate grass or once even baby aspirin just to have something in our bellies. When I got old enough to sneak out, I went to the store and shoplifted food for us. We still had to pretend to be starving on those days or he would beat us near to death. He burned my thighs and legs, broke my bones. Sealed me in a room for days and days with no light or food or water…
I still fantasize about killing him every single day. I am middle aged.”
I have liver damage from multiple suicide attempts involving pills.
“I have liver damage from multiple suicide attempts involving pills. My family does not know this, and I have no plans on telling them.”
As a result of bulimia, my teeth are crumbling away.
“I have many teeth problems stemming from bulimia years ago (haven’t thrown up in ages). Over the past few years repairs done years ago have fallen apart at a rate my insurance can’t keep up with. I’ve lost a few; a few more are crumbling away. But I can’t afford to fix any of it. I’m beyond embarrassed but there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it now. Maybe in a few years when we’re done paying for daycare. But it has to be on the back burner for a while. It will get worse before then and I have no way out. It occupies my thoughts constantly and there’s nothing I can do.”
I don’t have a single real friend in the world.
“I don’t have a single real friend in the world. Everyone in my social group is just a person. I don’t think I am capable of love. I feel the exact same way about my family as well. I have to force myself to pretend to care about people just to keep up appearances, but I feel totally alone.”
My brother was involved with gang-raping me when I was five.
“Only like two people know this, but why not? When I was younger (like 5 years old) my brother (about 12) was blackmailed into having sex with a couple guys. He didn’t want to, but blackmail. But eventually I got sucked into it, and got raped as a five-year-old. I was the pass around. They even wiped my ass to make sure they could fuck me. It lasted a couple months I think. I’ve blocked it out. Shitty part is my brother was involved with raping me. We were young, so I forgave him. And apparently the kids who did it still talk about it on Facebook. All I can ever think about is how I begged for it. It kills me that I didn’t know better
Am now 18 years old. And I have my issues, but who doesn’t, right?”
I killed a man, maybe two, in a South American country in the 80’s.
“I killed a man, maybe two, in a South American country in the 80’s. A buddy and I were backpacking. Warring factions during a tumultuous time started fighting each other. We got caught in the middle. We took rifles off a group that got hit and fought our way into the jungle to our fortunate escape.
We headed for Mexico City after that (first plane out), eventually came home.”
I attempt suicide once or twice a year since I was sixteen.
“I have several but I’ll start with the biggest.
When I was eight years old my cousin (No blood relation; important later in post) was released from jail and would visit our home while not serving time. He was out for one week and was involved with drugs and partying again. While doing so he abducted a girl same age as me. Raped and killed her by stabbing her seven times in the neck, then dumped her body near train tracks at a new housing development at the time.
The secret is that he was my illegitimate father because my mother molested him as a child (Sorry mom I remember the Polaroids I found and you hid from the cops) and took care of him frequently. I was not aware until my wife mentioned I looked like him fifteen years ago.
There was a book written about it named Broken Doll. Thing is I am mentioned in the book several times and this is without my consent.
I worry constantly people will know me or recognize me from this as his trial was televised often and I was in many newspaper articles pictures with my mother. I have paranoia of them knowing or how it shames me that they may know. It drives me crazy.
At the same time my grandfather had dementia and eventually got a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. He would keep me awake at night screaming my name. Momma, Sissy, or help me. Sometimes my mother would then beat him to make him shut up in frustration. While at the courtroom I would have to look after him if she needed to step aside to speak to the attorneys and also when she was called to the stand.
Other secrets are…
I attempt suicide once or twice a year since I was sixteen.
I have survived being eaten within my mother’s womb because of her RH positive blood.
Survived Bacterial Meningitis at nine months of age with only minor hearing loss and coordination loss. Unsure of mental function now that I am an adult.
Have more, but I should’ve only listed one.”
Sometimes I wonder if I actually know what love feels like.
“Sometimes I wonder if I actually know what love feels like. I’ve said ‘I love you’ to people but I don’t know if I ever really loved them.”
I was molested by my preacher’s son from ages 6-12 and then he blackmailed for years with nude photos he took of me.
“My family thinks I’m this horrible heathen who hates God, but really I can’t handle organized religion now because I was molested by my preacher’s son from ages 6-12 and then he blackmailed for years with nude photos he took of me. Most of the molestation happened inside of the actual church so going inside of any church just sets of this horrible panic, i usually have to run to the restroom to vomit because i just can’t handle it. I have my own relationship with God but I just can’t trust organized religion. I tried to tell a few people at church when i was around 7 years old but no one believed me bc the preacher’s son was ‘a man of god’ and would never do that. I just can’t trust organized religion now, and I will never subject my kids to it.”
I never miss people.
“I never miss people.
I’ve had several friends and family tell me they miss me but i feel forced to say it back. Not that I don’t love them or that I don’t want to see them, it just feels impossible for me to genuinely miss people.”
I killed my sister’s hamster when I was about six years old.
“I killed my sister’s hamster when I was about six years old and hid the body in the cage under the hay to pretend it was asleep.”
I seem like a conservative straight man, but I’m a promiscuous bisexual.
“I am a 26-year-old man with regular long-term girlfriends. As far as all my friends and family know I am straight and fairly conservative.
In reality, I am very bisexual and a sex addict. I’ve slept with what I can estimate is over 300 men in the last 3 years (I’ve never tested positive for an STD, shockingly). Last week I slept with a different guy every day of the week. I’ve had three or more different partners in one day who weren’t aware of each other. When I go through these phases it completely consumes my life and all of my time.
Then I find a GF and I’m monogamous, it’s bizarre, I don’t get it. So yeah no one knows this about me.”