1. They keep saying ‘trust me’ or ‘believe me.’
“If you have to constantly say ‘trust me’ or ‘believe me.’ I neither trust nor do I believe you.”
2. She’s a girl who says all her friends are guys.
“Girl: ‘All my friends are guys, can’t be dealing with all that girl drama.’”
3. They’re ready to be your best friend the minute you meet them.
“People who are 100% ready to be my best friend when I meet them. ‘We’ll totally hang out!’ Nope. I’m suspicious. It’s a sales tactic.”
4. They reassure you of how ‘real’ they are.
“‘I’m one of the realest people you’ll ever meet.’”
5. ‘Bitch’ pride.
“Being proud of being a bitch.”
6. Bragging about their ‘perfect’ relationship on social media.
“When someone overshares every detail of their ‘perfect’ relationship on social media. 9 out of 10 times that shit’s a dumpster fire.”
7. All of their exes are ‘psycho.’
“‘All my exes are psycho.’”
8. Constant office gossip.
Office gossip. I don’t mean ‘Hey, did you hear about Janet’s new haircut?’
There is a woman at my work who will gossip all day if you let her about other people. How they are late, what they are doing and blah blah blah. She will instant message me too about it. It’s gotten so bad that I just ignore the messages, even though she sits right next to me.
If they are willing to gossip that much, they are willing to talk about you.”
9. They always have to ‘one-up’ your crazy story.
“‘Wow that was a great story. It’s crazy, I did the exact same thing, except I had a broken arm, no credit card, and I hadn’t slept in 48 hours.’”
10. They say things somehow always go wrong for them.
“If they talk about how things always seem to go wrong for them. Things like forgetting to pay a bill, getting towed, or getting fired. Typically these folks will blame their misfortune on dumb luck or other things.
Normally it means they’re kinda just sketchy or really not responsible.”
11. They’re always badmouthing others.
“When people talk about others disparagingly. When I was younger I had some friends that always gossiped about how terrible this one friend was—I went along with it, but later, when I heard those same friends badmouthing me, I realized the correlation.”
12. Nothing is ever their fault.
“When nothing is their fault. They blame faulty equipment, other people, literally anything but taking responsibility for themselves.”
13. They ‘don’t like drama.’
“‘Oh, I don’t like drama. I’m the most drama-free person you’ll ever meet.’
14. They claim to be so honest that people can’t handle it.
“‘I’m too honest and some people can’t handle it.’”
15. Three or more shirt buttons unbuttoned.
“• One shirt button open you’re OK
• Two shirt buttons might be feeling confident
• 3+ shirt buttons anything you say I won’t believe.”
16. Super-strong handshake.
“Anyone who feels the need to cause pain during a handshake is an insecure ass who should not be trusted. Other things that scream insecurity are trying to loom over people shorter than themselves or constantly repeat someone else’s name.
Find your chill. And your self-esteem.”
17. Super-weak handshake.
“Limp handshake—ain’t no normal person gonna shake your hand like a wet fish!!!”
18. Self-proclaimed ‘players’ and ‘pick-up artists.’
“You can’t trust anyone who subscribes to ‘pick-up artist’ ‘playbooks.’ I’ve seen this kind of thinking take over one of my friends before. He turned from being a regular quirky guy to being a pathological liar. You start viewing sex as a reward that can be won with tricks. Pretty soon you stop seeing women as people, then you stop seeing anything wrong with lying to anyone for any reason. The whole crowd he hangs out with now creeps me out. All very charming, but it’s impossible to trust any of them.”
19. Immediate oversharing.
“I find it suspicious when people overshare really dark things about themselves just after meeting them. It’s either a sympathy ploy and they want to be plied with cloying sentiments or it’s a way to disarm someone and create a false sense of closeness for some other sort of ulterior motive. I’ve found that most, if not all, of the people who’ve ever shared really dark secrets about themselves when we’d just met have turned out to be whack-jobs.”
20. When they talk major shit about their friends behind their backs.
“When they talk major shit about people they hang out with and see regularly.
If you are doing it to them, you’re doing it behind my back too. So I’m not gonna give them too much of my information and time.
Arm’s distance, always.”
21. Your dog doesn’t like them.
“Look, I don’t care who you are or what you say; if my dog doesn’t like you, somethings off about you.”
22. Acting overly nice or unrealistically happy.
“If they act overly nice or unrealistically happy. People who do that are usually nasty, manipulative people under the surface.”
23. Making fun of the less fortunate.
“Someone who makes fun of the less fortunate. My coworker tried to get me to joke and laugh over a picture she took of a homeless man’s overladen shopping cart. Like, literally…you’re a monster and I will not trust you with ANYTHING now, Janice.”