35 Men Describe The Thing That Made Them Realize Their Girlfriend Was A Moron
1. I got a text from her asking, ‘where do the Jews live is it Islam?’
“I got a text from her asking, ‘where do the Jews live is it Islam?'”
2. She thought Egypt was in Europe.
“She thought Egypt was in Europe. When I said it was in Africa, she asked, ‘Wait, when did they move it?'”
3. She thought that your eyes would pop out of your head if you didn’t close your eyes while sneezing.
“One girl I knew was thoroughly convinced you had to shut your eyes while sneezing, or risk them popping out of your head due to pressure. We were 16 at the time.”
4. She told me that the wind comes from trees.
“When she told me that the wind comes from trees.
You know, because they wave around, and that pushes the air around, making wind.”
No, she was not joking.”
5. She thought Muhammad Ali did 9/11.
“Me: ‘You know, I’ve been watching a lot of videos about Muhammad Ali lately’ Her: ‘The guy who did 9/11?!’ Me: ‘….the heavyweight champ of the world?'”
6. She thought penguins were made of rubber.
“She asked me if penguins could fly or not. Innocent enough question, but the follow up question of ‘is it because they are made of rubber?’ is what did it.”
7. She was looking for her phone while using it as a flashlight.
“When she was looking for her phone while using it as a flashlight.”
8. She told me that eating ice cream makes guys gay.
“When she told me that eating ice cream makes guys gay and it’s unnatural.”
9. She tried to convince me that men can get pregnant.
“She tried to convince me that men can get pregnant. I am 100% sure she wasn’t joking.”
10. She thought pizza was an animal.
“She thought pizza was an animal. No, seriously. She thought there were pizza hunters.”
11. She told me she ate cheese because it was a vegetable.
“When she told me she ate cheese because it was a vegetable. Like cauliflower. She was vegan.”
12. Because of the Easter Bunny, she thought that rabbits lay eggs.
“When discussing my friend’s new pet ferret, ‘Yeah, they were originally used for hunting rabbits.’
‘Oh, did they eat the eggs?’
By that point, 20+ Easters had convinced her that rabbits actually lay eggs.”
13. She thinks I made up the USSR.
“My girlfriend thinks I made up the USSR…”
14. She thought Australia was part of America.
“She legitimately thought Australia was a part of America.”
15. She did not know the names or values of any coins.
“I dated a girl that did not know the names or values of any coins. She was in her mid 20’s.”
16. She thought Matt Damon was actually on Mars in The Martian.
“She thought the movie The Martian was not only a true story but that Matt fucking Damon was actually on Mars.”
17. She thought Al-Qaeda is a country.
“She thought Al-Qaeda is a country. She actually expressed interest in visiting it someday.”
18. She lived in California but thought it was on the East Coast.
“I was riding the bus to school with my then girlfriend in 12th grade, I made some reference about us living on the West Coast. She then began to correct me and say we live on the East Coast. This argument continued for 15 min on the bus and people looked at her like she was crazy. It wasn’t till later she found out we live on the West Coast. Btw we lived in a California at the time.”
19. She thought an erect penis was filled with semen, not blood.
“She didn’t know how a boner worked. Not saying she was bad in bed, she literally thought that a penis would fill with semen/sperm when it was erect. Not blood. She thought the whole thing was just full of man juice.”
20. She said dinosaurs were made up and never existed.
“She said dinosaurs were made up and never existed.”
21. She told me that ‘Jesus definitely wasn’t a real person because they found King Tut’s body.’
“An ex told me that ‘Jesus definitely wasn’t a real person because they found King Tut’s body.'”
22. She thought Benjamin Franklin invented cheese.
“When my girlfriend legitimately thought that Benjamin Franklin invented cheese…”
23. She wouldn’t talk to me for two days because of things I did to her in HER dreams.
“When she wouldn’t talk to me for two days because of things I did to her in HER dreams.”
24. She didn’t know what a swastika was.
“Out for drinks with my GF’s friends one night. One of her friends mentioned something about a design or picture looking like a swastika. There was a moment of dread as I saw my girlfriend’s blank expression. ‘What’s a swastika?’ she asked in front of everyone. Her friend was astonished and explained it’s use in Nazi Germany. She then turned to me in front of everyone and said ‘Did you know what it was?’ I was completely stunned . I’m a secondary school history teacher and I was dating this girl for nearly a year. I suddenly realized that she had no idea who I was. I checked out not long after.”
25. She insisted that Karl Marx was the father of capitalism.
“We were sitting in the library and I was doing some reading in prep for an essay on Karl Marx and she kept insisting that he was ‘the father of capitalism’. Luckily, we were in the library with two computers and a quick Wiki search proved her wrong. This was at university, by the way.”
26. She didn’t understand how ‘half past’ and ‘quarter to’ worked in terms of telling time.
“We were in our twenties and she didn’t understand how ‘half past’ and ‘quarter to’ and so on worked, in terms of telling time.”
27. She said I made her feel dumb by using ‘big’ words such as ‘quaint.’
“When she said that I made her feel dumb for using ‘big’ words. The word she was referring to? ‘Quaint.’”
28. She thought ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ was a rap song.
“Friend: ‘put on Bohemian Rhapsody’ SO: ‘I already told you I don’t want to listen to rap!'”
29. She thought drawers were all made in Chester on account of them being called Chester Drawers.
“She thought drawers were all made in Chester on account of them being called Chester Drawers. She was almost 30 at the time.”
30. She tried to memorize street names in an attempt to be ‘street smart.’
“She heard people saying she wasn’t street smart. She then proceeded to explain to me how she started memorizing street names to become smarter…you can’t make this shit up.”
31. She lived in Canada but didn’t know it was in North America.
“She wanted to order some sandals online. She was very let down when she learned they only ship to North America. We’re in Canada.”
32. She wore a watch but didn’t know how to tell time.
“Asked what time is was because she was wearing a watch. ‘Oh I don’t know how to read this. I just wear it because it’s cute.'”
33. She believed that vaccinations secretly give you AIDS.
“When she said the earth was flat and her belief that vaccinations secretly give you AIDS.”
34. She defended people on an MTV reality show.
“When I started making fun of people on an MTV reality show and she started to defend them.”
35. She agreed to marry me.
“When I asked her to marry me, she said yes.”