1. At one point, during sex, he talked about wanting to kidnap and rape my niece.
“At one point, during sex, he talked about wanting to kidnap and rape my niece. Got his ass kicked, then kicked out.”
2. I called her pretty rather than beautiful and she got angry.
“I called her pretty. She did not like this. She got quite angry, then tweeted something to the tune of ‘every girl deserves to be called BEAUTIFUL every day.’”
3. He yelled at me and accused me of cheating because he found another man’s pubic hair on my toilet seat. It was dog hair.
“He yelled at me and accused me of cheating because he found another man’s pubic hair on my toilet seat.
It was dog hair.
He still didn’t believe me when I got the dog and compared its fur to the hair found on the toilet seat.”
4. She told me I had to be okay with the fact that her and her two brothers sometimes fuck.
“She told me I had to be okay with the fact that her and her two brothers sometimes fuck and have been doing so since they were little kids.
5. She broke every bit of glass (plate, window, mirror) in our house, took a knife to the sofa, and smashed in the TV.
“She broke every bit of glass (plate, window, mirror) in our house, took a knife to the sofa, and smashed in the TV. Spend the night driving around drunk looking for me (I was two blocks away at my best amigo’s house). Located me, physically assaulted me in front of my friends, and then drove to her parents’ house, grabbed her father’s hunting shotgun, and told her parents she was going to blow her head off. She spent two weeks in a locked ward and was diagnosed with adult onset schizophrenia. She was legitimately crazy.”
6. She broke up with me while we were fucking.
“She broke up with me while we were fucking, like mid-coitus dick-in-vagina ‘I cheated on you because I don’t think I’m good enough for you after this we should see other people too.’ I just stopped and stared for a looooong fucking time before I was ready to talk, which resulted in her leaving me a crying mess that she could be so self-destructive and hate herself that much.
Four months later she asked if we could get back together and was soooo upset that I noped the hell out of that one. Then she dipped out of my life completely when she found out I had been seeing her boss after bitching at me for not ‘waiting’ for her to get her shit straight before I started fucking people she knew.”
7. She cut the head off a stuffed giraffe as she said ‘this is what I’m going to do to your dick.’
“Cut the head off a stuffed giraffe as she said ‘this is what I’m going to do to your dick.’ This was in a very busy area in Vancouver said in a very thick Russian accent. I literally Ran to the nearest bar and drank my face off.”
8. She threw a knife at me and it got stuck in the wall next to me.
“When she threw a knife at me and it got stuck in the wall next to me. Great sex, dangerous woman.”
9. She carved my initials into her palm.
“Seeing the fresh scars in her palm that sorta looked like my initials.”
10. Her parents surprised me with a detailed contract stating I would propose to my gf within three months.
“After dating this girl for about a year, her parents surprised me with a contract stating I would propose to my gf within three months!! I thought my gf would share my concern, but she actually thought I was being irrational for not signing! Nope’d the fuck outta that one and later blocked that entire family from my life in every way I could…
The contract included a specific date by which I needed to propose with a diamond ring; there was nothing written in regards to what happened if I broke the contract, since they assumed I’d sign and propose without question/hesitation; after we broke up, her parents threatened with legal action—idk what for—but that was enough to convince me to cut all ties with that family.”
11. She thought I had to pay for everything when her friends tagged along.
“She thought I had to pay for everything when her friends tagged along. Made her friends hate me and we broke up later. It was because I refused to pay for them and argued that I wouldn’t at all. Then she argued w me that I should have paid it for them. So her friends hated me and made everything worse.”
12. She started a rumor that she was pregnant, then asked me to knock her up.
“‘My ex started a rumor at my college that I’m pregnant. Might as well just get knocked up since everyone already thinks I am.’ Then she stared at me expectantly. She wasn’t joking.”
13. She pulled out a knife and started running in circles around the house with it.
“She pulled out a knife and started running in circles around the house with it.
I was on a bus back home the next day.
I guess I should provide a little context. The short version, right before that, she was mad about something her cousin had done, so she came in to complain to me about it. I was busy reading Harry Potter and not listening to what she was saying, so she hauled off and punched me in the balls. She immediately had my attention. I jumped up all ‘what the fuck?’ and she started to try to punch me. I grabbed her by her tiny wrists and stopped her. She settled down a little and I let her go. Then she went and grabbed a knife and started circling the house.
In the end she said she wanted to cut herself and not me, but I wasn’t cool with any of that.
The long version involved her dad raping her, her mother in prison, she lived with her grandma, she got pregnant, her grandma died of cancer, she lived with a teacher, the teacher kicked her out because we made the sexy-times, she lived with my grandma, she lost the baby, we graduated, we got on a bus and moved across the country to live with her aunt, and then the short version.”
14. She expected me to cover the bills.
“We had lived together for about four months, after dating for about a year. Things were going pretty OK, until one day I got called into work super early, so I got home somewhat early. When I arrived home, she was also at home. Perplexed, I entered my apartment to find her watching TV, instead of being at work. When I inquired about the situation, she let me know that she asked her boss to cut her back to just three part time shifts a week, from her five full time shifts she was working. Even more perplexed, I asked for her reasons for cutting her hours. Her explanation was that 15 hours a week paid her bills, so she simply did not need to work more. When I told her that the rent, utilities, groceries and other regular bills still had to be paid, she said I could just work more to cover the community bills. Now, I worked in the oil fields at the time, and was already pulling 12 to 14 hour days every day, and I worked 11 days between days off, so there was no way in hell I was going work on my days off just because she didn’t want to work. No matter how much we talked about it, she refused to work a full-time job. The warning bells started ringing, and I got the feeling this was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg.
We broke up two weeks later.
15. She bit me twice, taking a chunk out of me each time.
“She bit me twice…once on my arm and then on my ass. These were not fun, love bites…we were in an argument and the crazy broad got violent.
Took a chunk out of both places. I finally slapped her so she would release her jaw from my ass. She was shocked. She called the cops. They showed up and arrested her.
I was the one bleeding after all.”
16. She was completely unable to leave money in a checking account.
“Her complete inability to leave money in a checking account. She had a frightening compulsion to spend more than we had.
I kept thinking that she would settle down once we had a few items for our apartment.
After six or seven years I finally realized we could never dig out of the debt we had and we broke up. I took $10,000 in credit card debt (to pay off the guilt I felt for leaving her) and lived in a shack to save up money.
Within a year or so I had paid off the bills and started watching my bank account grow and grow. It became a game for me and I still kept living like a pauper.
By the time I met somebody else (and proposed) I had so much money that my new wife yelled at me that it was not making interest in my checking account. She was right. But it still broke my heart to see my checking account game get reset.
Oh, and we celebrated 17 years of marriage this year. She’s a keeper.”
17. ‘Cum inside me, I want your babies’ after only three weeks together.
“‘Cum inside me, I want your babies.’ That was week three of the most insane month of my life.”
18. When she proposed a threesome, she was only ‘testing’ me to see if I said yes.
“Ex of three years started suggesting the idea of having a threesome. We lost our virginity together, so I figured she just wanted to branch out and have some new experiences in a respectful and mutually beneficial way. Nope. She just wanted to ‘test’ my loyalty and got pissed at me for being interested in her suggestion.”
19. She showed me that she liked to make her cat do backflips…by physically flipping her poor cat upside down.
“I dated a girl who was the 2nd girl I had ever been with. I found out she was kind of nuts after she showed me that she liked to make her cat do backflips…by physically flipping her poor cat upside down. So I stopped seeing her and I later found out she had posted stories about “us” on her online journal. None of which were true stories. Then I found out she was killed by an alligator in Florida because she wanted to go skinny dipping in a pond in the middle of the night.”
20. She kept telling me she was sterile, but she was pregnant the whole time.
“Told me she couldn’t have a baby because something was wrong with her, I thought oh well that sucks but whatever.
Constantly asking me about baby related stuff and how she really wants a baby even though she told me she can’t. Started to wonder what was up at this point.
Went on holiday for a month. came back and was still seeing/dating her and talking constantly but she had blocked me on Facebook. getting massive red flags at this point.
Started acting altogether really weird, asked her what was going on and that I just wanted her to be honest. Turned out she was pregnant and is now a single mother.
Think I dodged a bullet.”
21. I’ve never ghosted someone so fast in my life.
“We dated for a few weeks and then the night came to get down.
Since having sex doesn’t happen often for me, I don’t typically keep a condom in my wallet or on my person. She says she wants to fuck and I tell her ‘I don’t have a condom,’ to which she replies ‘It’s fine.’ Being the horny non-thinker I was I got to work. As I’m ready to cum I start pulling out. She grabs my hips and pulls me back inside her and says ‘In me!’ and of course, that being the hottest thing I’ve ever heard a woman say to me, I finish inside her.
A few weeks go by and she tells me she’s late and to be prepared to be a father. Not the most ideal situation but I put myself in it, I’m going to see it through. Another two days go by and she’s in tears. I ask what the matter was and she said she got her period. I looked confused and she yelled, ‘I wanted to have a child with you and it didn’t work and now we have to try again!’
I’ve never ghosted someone so fast in my life.”
22. She legitimately got jealous of my cat.
“When she legitimately got jealous of my cat.
She was angry every day because I’d give the cat a big “Hey Kitty!” when I saw him, as opposed to the traditional human greeting she’d get. Took it as a sign that I liked the cat more than her and she later turned it into a ‘me or the cat’ ultimatum.
He’s still an awesome cat.”
23. Her brothers were heavily involved in a cartel.
“Her brothers were heavily involved in a cartel, I took a long break to get away from it all. One of her brothers was a nice guy and told me that to be dating his sister I needed to show the family that I was ‘committed’ to be with her and that the family would be heavily involved in my life. She was a nice girl but I wasn’t ready to commit to anything.”
24. She told me on the third date about her dog-fucking fantasies.
“She told me on the third date about her dog-fucking fantasies. Moved right the fuck on.”
25. He almost crashed the car because he was mad I didn’t wash a bowl in the sink.
“I didn’t wash a bowl in the sink before work. I said ‘I went to do it but got distracted and I didn’t.’ He decided to teach me a lesson by speeding the car up and then slamming the brakes on and stopped before hitting the car in front of us stopped at the lights. The turned to me and said ‘I was going to smash into them…but I didn’t.’ Yeah he didn’t last long after that. It was weird and looking back it didn’t make sense what he said but it scared the shit out of me at the time.”
26. After our third date he brought up getting married.
“After our third date he brought up getting married. When I told him I’m not against it, but I feel like I should date the person for a few years first he didn’t understand why I’d want to wait so long.”
27. He started yelling at me and mocking me when I was having a panic attack.
“When he started yelling at me and mocking me when I was having a panic attack. I had run downstairs to find a safe spot to calm down after the onset of the panic attack annoyed him. He followed me merely to upset me further, all the while I could barely breathe and was crying uncontrollably.”
28. When we were having sex as he was about to cum he pulled out and came on my back and moaned ‘eject all.’
“He drove to my house in the middle of the night while not telling me (I was 17 he was 22) and left me Sylvia plath’s The Bell Jar in my mailbox complete with a wolf tooth and a love letter that just had the phrase ‘I will not leave you’ over and over again, taking up the whole page. he also told me he used to go on 4chan to lurk ‘rekt’ (see: extreme gore) threads because he needed to for some mental reason? Also one time when we were having sex as he was about to cum he pulled out and came on my back and moaned ‘eject all.’ He is probably the weirdest guy I’ve ever met and honestly don’t know how we even got involved in the first place.”
29. He was a manwhore who had contempt for sluts.
“He had a list saved on his computer of every girl he’d ever slept with in chronological order. It had over 100 girls. We were 22. I had only slept with two people at that point so the number alone was pretty absurd but the list was weird, too. Also, he went on a rant about how any girl who had slept with more than ten people was a slut and that it was ‘different’ for guys. Total creep.”