1. I like to wear the panties she leaves at my house.
“She doesn’t know that I like to wear the panties she leaves at my house. I wear them around for a few days – to work, getting groceries, to the gym, at the bar…. Then I wash them before she comes over next so she has no clue.”
2. I had sex with two of her sisters and I’m still fucking one of them.
“I had sex with two of her sisters and I’m still fucking one of them.”
3. I know where she’s been when she says she’s busy and who’s she’s really been talking to.
“That I know where she’s been when she says she’s busy and who’s she’s really been talking to.”
4. I really enjoy wearing women’s underwear.
“That I think I might be a little bisexual, and that I really enjoy wearing women’s underwear. The bitch of it is that she’d probably be cool with both, but I can’t bring myself to tell her.”
5. I don’t think she’s attractive.
“I don’t think she’s attractive. But I’m with her because she’s just a fantastic person.”
6. I actively wish for her mother’s demise.
“I know her mother is a steaming pile of shit and I actively wish for her demise.
My wife knows we don’t get along and is sensitive to that, but she doesn’t understand how rooted the resentment is.”
7. Her weight bothers me.
“Her weight bothers me. I encourage her to get healthy – that started out as really “get sexy again” but then genuinely turned into “I want her healthy so we can live to an old age together”.”
8. I’m not committed to our relationship anymore.
“That I’m not committed to our relationship anymore. It’s been over 4 years and I can’t bear to break her heart. I can’t even look at myself, I feel like such a bad person.”
9. I’m 100% sure she is going to kill herself in about a year or two.
“That I’m 100% sure she is going to kill herself in about a year or two. Every time she said she’d do it, I cried myself to a catatonic state that I didn’t come out until she told me she’d changed her mind. I bought it at the time, but we both know she’s not gonna last for long. I’m emotionally dependant of her and she’s probably just waiting for the right moment.
She’s BPD, therapy doesn’t work anymore for her and I’m too traumatized to go to therapy. My mother used to take me to therapy to emotionally abuse me (ironic, right?) until she just tried to put me to adoption. Other than that, I only got two aunts that provide me but wouldn’t do anything for me other than that. My best friend (not anymore) raped my SO about two years ago too.
Sorry for the rant, I take very kindly your advices, but I’m afraid I got no way out of this.”
10. I did naked modeling for the art department in college for some extra money.
“She doesn’t know that I did naked modeling for the art department in college for some extra money.”
11. I have serious abandonment issues.
“I have serious abandonment issues. Even though we’ve been together for a while now, I still have an overwhelming dread every time she turns down offers to hang out or is unable to make plans, I assume that she’s dumped me for some unknown offense and is just waiting to have ‘the talk.’ Every phone call that goes unanswered, every text that is not immediately returned ignites a paranoia that I’m being ghosted and will never hear from her again.
I know its all crazy. These issues have ruined enough past relationships that I know to never let her find out about them.”
12. I strongly dislike her mom.
“She doesn’t know that I strongly dislike her mom. I tend to grin and bear it when she is around but it’s all false. Her mom has stolen money from her, opened credit cards and utilities in her name that she’s never paid and damaged my girlfriend’s credit, she’s also emotionally abusive and it just sucks because she deals with it since it’s her mother.”
13. I’m bisexual.
“That I’m bisexual. I will probably never tell her, or close to anyone for that matter I think I’ve told about 4 people now probably will keep it about that size.”
14. I have Tourette’s. She just thinks I’m jumpy.
“My girlfriend of 8 months notices that my legs, arms, and head twitch sometimes. She thinks I’m just jumpy.
I find it extremely hard to tell even the people who are closest to me that I have mild Tourette’s.
I try to suppress it even though I know it’s not good for me and it hurts sometimes but I can’t bring myself to talk about it ever.”
15. I was sexually abused when I was about 8.
“Male here and was sexually abused when I was about 8. Only the person who did it knows.”
16. I have struggled with addiction to hard drugs.
“A lot. That I have struggled with addiction to hard drugs, that I have experienced extreme depression and anxiety in the past (mostly related to the drugs, but also as a result of a super gnarly and fucked up break up and subsequent manipulation by my ex). Also that she was instrumental in my progress out of those issues and that life and that I truly plan to marry her and move back to Japan to be with her.”
17. She’s the only thing keeping me together.
“That she’s the only thing keeping me together.”
18. I had a one-night stand with a mutual girlfriend.
“My wife does not know that I had a one-night stand with a mutual girlfriend (it happened before my wife and I ever met). Neither the girl’s husband (whom she also had not met before the one night stand) nor my wife know. (There are no romantic feelings between us, we’re just friends and have been for years, my wife loves her) Years later, in private I once asked her if she had ever told him, she said no. We both agreed it would just be too awkward and might ruin the couple friendship we had developed so we just consigned it to the dustbin of memory.”
19. I hate my fucking life.
“That I hate my fucking life. I’m stuck at a base in New Mexico that has a crazy high suicide rate and I’ll I go is pull bodies out of fucking houses or mangled Jell-O people out of plane crashes. I’m super depressed can’t take leave to go home because ” Manning sucks” and have zero trust in mental health. I get to hide all this from her because shes depressed as fuck too and won’t go on meds to help. She’s so depressed that she can’t do anything so I ended up working coming home cleaning cooking and taking care of our dogs all day. I hate it I fucking hate it I love her and know she can’t help it but I hate my life I hate my job and I hate everything. I wish I could have just said no to the recruiter or just have the guts to blow my brain out all over my bathroom floor and become a statistic just like everyone else.”
20. I think her sister is a better person and a better friend.
“That I think her sister is a better person and a better friend, even though I sincerely believe that my SO is the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, and happily so.”
21. I am terrified that my many chronic illnesses that she lovingly puts up with will eventually get to be too much for her.
“How terrified I am that my many chronic illnesses that she lovingly puts up with will eventually get to be too much for her. I fear seeing that loss of respect in her eyes that I’ve seen in so many others.
She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met, much less dated. She’s my rock and I would truly be lost without her.”
22. I’ve developed a strong liking to the idea of sharing her.
“That I’ve developed a strong liking to the idea of sharing her. She was raised in a very conservative family, so naturally she is very against it. We have been dating for close to 4 years now, and we were each other’s first.
I tried bringing it up once by asking her if she ever thought about having a threesome with two dudes, and she just shot it down saying I was all she wanted and needed. I love that she feels that way, but sometimes I wish she would just talk about it. Everytime I try to joke around with it she either ignores the comment or changes subjects immediately. I tried that sex quiz, and didn’t match on that.
I love her to death, but sometimes I feel like our sex life just gets a little boring. We have the same routine, and she also never initiates sex. She rarely wants sex too, which I’ve talked to her about those but to no improvements. Sometimes I think about leaving her but I feel like its just such a dumb reason to leave such an amazing person.
Oh well, rant over :)”
23. I seriously hate her lack of initiative.
“That I seriously hate her lack of initiative. She is all about “I’m going to do…” but no follow through. It has been nearly 6mos since she was going to take her GED test. She still hasn’t done it.
But on the daily (she is off of work right now for 2 mos) she talks about how she is going to do this and this around the house and doesn’t do it, she just sits around watching LMN and Hallmark.
There are days when I walk in and can tell she hasn’t moved from the couch except to use the bathroom and get something to snack on. Drives me nuts!
But, I soak it all in and just deal with it. I don’t know why…”
24. Sometimes all that keeps me coming home to her is that I will DIE without health insurance.
“That this past several months, especially more recently: sometimes all that keeps me coming home to her is that I will DIE without health insurance. And it’s waaaaaay too expensive and has probationary periods through my work (independent contractor, my agencies offer expensive barely-there coverage).
I can’t afford an Obamacare market plan either on my own, even assuming it’s not repealed, because if premiums are OK, that will mean coverage is bad enough that I won’t be able to afford medicines or copays, and I can’t afford a comprehensive plan at market rate. I make enough to be ineligible for medical assistance or large subsidies, but not enough with my student loans and continuing education licensing requirements.
I have severe skin issues; without medicine at $200 a month, I will be a full-body itchy, bleeding, infected rash. It’s chronic. But what concerns me is my severe asthma and sudden-onset allergies which are not all sorted out. I could literally die or go into anaphylactic shock without another $300 a month or so of asthma medicine. Plus, I need therapy for anxiety.
I still feel strongly for her, but this is the third time this year I have had to care for her with her mobility very limited, in a year. I know she doesn’t get hurt or sick on purpose, but I want to be more than a second paycheck and caregiver. I want someone who I can have sex with regularly, who will forgive my mistakes and acknowledge I do the best I can under really hard circumstances, and who will be affectionate and provide some emotional support for my anxiety.”
25. I genuinely am afraid that I won’t ever love someone as much as I love her.
“That I genuinely am afraid that I won’t ever love someone as much as I love her. If this doesn’t work out, I probably won’t pursue other relationships. I feel no emotional ties to anyone but her. Including my closest friends and family.”
26. I married her for a spouse visa.
“I married her for a spouse visa, and because I didn’t have enough force of personality to call things off.”
27. I know that she lies about almost everything.
“That I know that she lies about almost everything. It gets hard to trust her sometimes because I know that she embellishes almost 100% of any story that she tells me. The worst thing about it is that I thought it was going to be different this time. It’s taxing on me because before we got back together, she made it seem like she had grown up, but now that I’ve been with her a little while again, it’s easy to see that she’s really trying to make herself seem a lot more interesting than she actually is. I want to love her, but as long as I can’t trust her, I can’t.”
28. The only reason I don’t kill myself is because I’m afraid for her.
“She doesn’t know how much I hate myself. She doesn’t know how much I wish I were dead. She doesn’t know that the only reason I don’t kill myself is because I’m afraid for her.”